Tuesday, October 4, 2016

The un-wasted vote...

Oh for crying out loud, the same bullshit over and over....The same stories over and over.  Why is it that Clinton fans always give you every bad thing about Trump to keep you from voting for him?  Well, because there's really nothing that good about her.  Why do Trump fans usually list off all the reasons not to vote for Clinton?  Well, because there's really nothing good about Trump.  We all know this.  At least by every poll, even the rigged ones, 65-80% of us want nothing to do with either.  We'd all vote for someone else if we had a better option.  So when the 20% average now says they would vote for Johnson, the 40% of the military, the 40% of the millennials, get screamed at all the bad things about the other two candidates....  Clinton fans scream all the bad things about Trump.  Trump fans scream all the bad things about Clinton.  The one thing they keep convincing me is that I don't need to vote for either.  I'm sick of the yelling.  I'm sick of the divide.  I'm sick of idea that I have to vote for one of two evils that both completely suck.  I know they suck.  You don't have to tell me.  We all know they suck.

So here's my response from now on.  All the positives about Governor Johnson.

Everyone in this country dreams of a time where the American Dream is possible.  Not some rich kid spoil brat version like the other two candidates.  Johnson was a middle class kid struggling to make it through college, so he started his own handyman business to help pay for his classes.  He grew it into a multi-million dollar construction company.  Isn't that what we want for our children?  He is middle class Americans dream come true.  He's a real businessman--with no failed businesses.

Johnson wants to fix the deficit.  He actually took a state, New Mexico, that was behind the eight ball and balanced their budget.  He cut pork bellies, increased infrastructure like schools and roads, and still cut taxes 14 times.  Whoa!! That's not possible the other candidates will tell you.  Oh bullshit.  He left NM after two terms with a $1B surplus.  That's right--SURPLUS.  He might not be able to fix a $20 Trillion debt, but he's got more experience than any other candidate at handling crushing public debt.  

Johnson is the only candidate talking about something that pretty much every single American except those idiots we keep electing to DC wants--TERM LIMITS.  We are sick of them making careers out of screwing us.  Johnson promised NM he would only serve two terms.  In spite of being requested to run for a third term, he kept his word.  He pushed term limits while he was in office to help fight corruption.  Isn't that a great idea?  No wonder the other politicians are so reluctant to endorse him.

Johnson hasn't alienated anyone.  He's white, but he's not a racist.  He's male, but he's very socially straight forward.  He has worked with both sides of the imaginary fence DC has successfully.  He promises to make his administration a mix of the best of the best of Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, Independents, et cetera.  Wouldn't that be nice for a change?  It would be nice seeing them get actual work done rather than spewing off at the mouths every other day with the whole country in gridlock and the economy frozen because they won't do the jobs we sent them to do.

Johnson is honest.  He doesn't expect we will agree on everything.  He acknowledges that we don't.  He acknowledges that for this country to move forward in a positive direction we need to get back to compromise.  When we disagree, we are supposed to discuss it.  When the far right or far left have control like they have right now, we accomplish nothing.  Those of us in the middle are getting jammed up in their nonsense.  We can't be proud of the people that we elect.  They are supposed to be there for us, not us being used by them.  Wouldn't it be nice to have someone that we elect that we can believe in?  That we can actually trust?  What a concept!!!

Johnson doesn't have a lot of foreign experience, except as a border state he actually has experience with dealing with Mexico and Mexican authorities and government--so that's not completely true.  Another thing he has real experience with:  Immigration.  All that screaming and finger pointing, and yet the only candidate that has real experience dealing with undocumented (the legal term) immigrants is Governor Johnson.  Amazing right?  Would be nice to have someone that actually knows what he's talking about when it comes to immigration in general let alone some of the fears that have been stoked up.

Johnson does want to promote free trade.  In the meantime, some are calling him an isolationist because he wants us to stop being involved in every military conflict across the planet.  But what he really says is screw with us, and we will respond in kind.  Otherwise, we have our own problems on the homefront that need our dedication and focus on.  Free trade isn't just about improving our ability to build business here in the USA either.  It's also about bringing some of these countries out of the darkness.  Free trade benefits all involved.  No one would know this better than a true self made businessman.  But he also points out that countries in the Middle East that benefit from free trade--Qatar, Saudi, Kuwait and Turkey--are the ones that move towards more democratic thinking.  It should sound familiar to some depending upon your age.  That was how Reagan broke up the Iron Curtain.  The promise of growth and trade is a huge draw.

Johnson won't send our troops willy nilly into a war zone.  He's not a big fan of the conflicts we're involved in right now.  He also knows in this world we cannot isolate ourselves from our closest allies--the UK, Germany and NATO in general.  Oh, and here's a huge plus:  he's not $650M in debt to China like one of his competitors or collecting big donations for a "charity" from other questionable governments.

Johnson believes that if you take guns from any legal persons that only criminals will have guns.  Yes, I know this will upset some with more anti-gun sentiment, but it's because he believes in the Constitution.  A true Constitutionalist.  Which also means that he believes in the First Amendment equally.  The problem with the other two candidates is they both promise to take guns from someone and they both promise to walk all over other Constitutional Rights.  Johnson promises to not violate any.  There's a novel concept that stands with the Founding Fathers' beliefs.

Oh yea, but wait, he's for legalized marijuana.  No way.  Okay, so here's a fact:  This is remnants from the parents of the Silent Generation.  That's right the same generation that created Prohibition.  Look how that worked out.  They created a 20 minute movie "Reefer Madness" to keep the Silent Generation during the Roaring 20s (1920s) from using pot.  If you watch it and know anything about pot, you know it's all fabrication.  The same lies told in that propaganda movie are still the same lies used today to try and keep it illegal.  Let's face it.  Most of those myths have been completely debunked.  It cures more than a dozen forms of cancer.  It reduces epileptic seizures.  It  helps with PTSD and depression.  And since being legalized in a couple of states, those states have actually seen a reduction in illicit drug use--so much for being a "gateway drug".  He used it as a pain killer after breaking his back paragliding.  The prescription drugs made him sick and didn't help.  So that's how he learned of its merits.  But really, it's such a minor thing, especially when more than 68% of Americans think it should be legalized.

The truth is that Johnson represents what most Americans think right now.  Stay out of our bedrooms.  No way in hell is the military sweeping my home without proper warrants signed by a judge who actually has evidence that I might be doing something wrong.  Hell no, we don't want you using nuclear weapons.  We want less taxes.  We want the Federal government to stop wasting money and our time.  We pay a lot of money for those people we elect to represent us and get a job done.  So far all they've done is waste our time, our money and made it like we are here for their personal funding.  We want equality even though we know it's not all the way there, but we don't want it to be turned into a circus that just makes things worse.   Can we believe the other candidates even give a shit about our every day lives?  Please.  We all know they don't.

More importantly, after interviewing the main two candidates more and more newspapers are endorsing Johnson.  It's pissing off the establishments of both parties--it's pissing off both the other candidates.   They are saying its time we vote for a President we can trust, that we can believe in and that a vote for Johnson is not a wasted vote.  A wasted vote is voting for someone you can't believe in just to stop someone else that you can't believe in.

Below are the links to the newspaper endorsements for Johnson to date:

The Detroit News (typically GOP endorser)--video

The Chicago Tribune (typically Dem endorser)

New Hampshire Union-Leader

Winston-Salem Journal (NC)  (typically GOP endorser)

Richmond Times-Dispatch (VA) (typically GOP endorser)

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Patriot Day: Words of Contemplation on this 15th Anniversary of 9/11

Today...9.11...fifteen years ago, our country suffered the most devastating blow ever that was not perpetrated by Americans.  Pearl Harbor was before that.  In all honesty, it can be debated how much our government knew about Pearl Harbor before it actually occurred.  We will never know, but we do know that 15 years ago we just didn't think it was possible anymore.  We were oblivious.  We were for the most part fat and happy.  We had an unbelievably successful economy at the time.  More Americans than in the history of the country were buying homes--little did we know that was smoke and mirrors that would eventually collapse.  We had a new President--one that for all his personal failings we believed there would be no news media circus around him and an intern or some other flusie, and he embodied memories of better times.  Little did we know his Presidency would take us into a never ending war.  We had the first African American Secretary of State; one that many would push to run for President but who would sadly not run because of his wife's fears of racial inequality.  Our biggest worries at the time were China and North Korea, but China was looking more and more like democracy was a stone's throw away.  The NATO coalition was looking more like it wasn't needed anymore and the EU was proving successful in creating a unified European continent.  Peace and prosperity was the order of the day.

Half way around the world, in the background noise, we knew there were still tensions between Israel and the Arabic states.  We were vaguely aware that they had religious issues and that there was little to no tolerance there.  There were many of us that served that knew we had left a job undone after Desert Storm, but even we, including me, thought or at least hoped that it would never come to a head requiring us to go back there.  Peace and prosperity has never been the order of the day for most of the people in that region of the world.  They blame the US and many of our European allies.  To most of us, this makes no sense whatsoever.  There is actually some justification for that mindset, but that's not what this blog is about.  This blog is about us, the US of A, America and Americans.  

Since 9/11, we have become completely disenfranchised.  While the initial response was a strong cry of unity, fifteen years later we are coming apart at the seams.  The reality of our world, our America, has had a bright spot light showed upon it and all the cockroaches have come out of the woodwork.  The reality is the America that most of those people on the other side of the world dream of isn't the America that we have.  Some of them think that we all live a life of privilege--we have running water, electricity, let alone cars and homes and land and, and, and.  Yet, not everyone here has a home and not everyone here is equal.  It's not really debatable.  It's a sad fact.  And I'm not speaking just of the racial issues.  Even within the "white" of this country, there are gross inequities.  While women make up over 56% of the population, women make up only 4.4% of the executives in this country.  Our own military only in the last couple of years opened up all military jobs to women.  Although we have Freedom of Religion and one of our Founding Fathers was actually an atheist, we still have plenty of religious zealots in our own country that insist and demand laws that push their religious beliefs on others.  A black male in this country when being pulled over for a traffic violation is 95% more likely to have his car searched and/or be arrested compared to his white counterpart.  We still have, even in Berkeley California, the epitome of the ultra liberal stereotypes, people who will start screaming in a Starbucks at someone speaking another language that they have to speak English.  Disenfranchised might be an understatement.  

A long time ago in an blog I said that we, Americans, are like a dysfunctional family.  In fact, all families are dysfunctional in some shape or form.  There are always the black sheep, the favorites, the whining, the exulted,...and the glue.  The glue that holds us together is the Constitution of the United States of America.  Most Americans haven't even read it.  Fact--88% of Americans say they've never, NEVER, read the Constitution.  I'm amazed and mortified.  The glue that holds us together and we haven't even read it.  This is like throwing yourself into the middle of the ocean without ever learning to swim.  Sure, you might quickly figure out how to tread water, might even be able to doggie paddle, but you're not going to last long and certainly are going to have a very hard time getting anywhere.  The glue that holds us together, the very thing that is what keeps our country swimming, and only 12% of us even know what it says.  The rest of us are just guessing and going by what Joe Blow tells us.  Some people are intimidated by it.  It is written in simple English, well, 230 years ago grammatically, but simple English all the same.  From experience in many conversations over the years, I know for a fact most people have never read it, but some will argue tooth and nail about something that they have no clue about based only on what they heard from Joe Blow.  It's like having a conversation with Rain Man.  The glue that holds us together means a lot to all of us, but most of us don't have a clue what it says.  

Were these problems non-existent on 9/10 of 2001?  Sigh.  No, no, they were still here--all of it and then some.  We had and still have problems with domestic violence--15% of the American population.  Think about that.  It means that where you work, one out of 10 people standing around you are in an abusive relationship.  We send someone selling marijuana to jail for 20 years mandatory sentencing and give a rapist caught in the middle of the act by two witnesses who held him until the police arrived--no question this guy is a rapist--just 6 months.  We give a man who raped his stepdaughter less than a year in jail.  We are the "great melting pot" of the world--almost none of us are from here unless Native American, and yet, we will insult people that come here in hopes of better life from certain countries just because of our own insensitive, ignorant prejudices.  We sometimes are the epitome of hypocritical.  We want to make the rest of the world as free as we are--while we are still not all free.  Freedom isn't free--it is hard fought for and hard to maintain.  We are the biggest example of how hard.  Freedom is also not fair, although that is what we claim.  Fair is not a rapist going to jail for less time than a pothead.  But in typical human, not just American fashion, it is not an issue for most of us unless it affects us.  Our complacency is where we fall short of true Freedom.  

So today 15 years ago, some crazy men decided to take down a shining beacon of what our country represented to them.  Ironically, it unified us for an amount of time--we were angered, and like Admiral Yamamoto wrote 70 years earlier, the sleeping giant was awakened and filled with resolve.  We wanted to end the mess that we somehow knew was our fault, although none of us really knew exactly why.  Much like our Constitution, we know someone else knows and we trust that they will make the right decisions.  Have they?  The real estate bubble burst.  The automotive giants tanked.  The economy took the biggest hit since the Great Depression.  There are all kinds of greed and political reasons behind all of it, but that's not this blog.  This blog is about US, Americans, and how divided we have become since that fateful day.  We are exhausted by all our own failings and our own hypocrisy.  Grams used to say "you don't know what someone else has lived through until you have to walk a mile in their shoes".  No "white" male is ever going to know what it is like to be a "black" male or vice versa.  No rich silver spoon trust fund baby like Trump or Hillary is ever going to know what it is like to be middle class or less.  They'd sell us out in a heartbeat to never have to walk in our shoes.  The divide in this country is that sell out.  They've sold themselves and us with them.  All of these politicians and the mass media--divide, controversy, mass shootings, riots.  All of this keeps us divided, keeps the money rolling in for them, and we are little more than entertaining news bites--pawns in their shitty chess game.  Where is that unity, the outcry, for each other while they promise to tear up the Constitution?  Oh right, 88% of us have no idea what it says.  The glue is still in the bottle and we are letting those we elect put it in the trash while they laugh all the way to the bank.  

On this day, remember the unity and outcry of 15 years ago after the initial shock wore off.  Remember how it didn't matter if someone was black or white, male or female, natural born or immigrant.  All that mattered is that this is our country, our United States of America.  Our resolve to protect the ideas of our Founding Fathers and the fledgling country that has been a beacon of hope for so many all over the world.  The Declaration of Independence where we believe all to be created equal, the Constitution and the Amendments that we have created to maintain our beliefs in equality and freedom.  Even though we are often hypocritical, when the chips are down, we do walk the walk.  We do not falter.  Today, remind yourself that we are ALL Americans and try to remind yourself from today to next year today, everyday, that we are stronger united because that is the respect we owe all those that gave their lives that day 15 years ago, to all those first responders who gave their lives and to all those families that suffered.  Stand tall every day--see each other and respect our differences and say it in one voice for all the world to hear again, "We are the United States of America, imperfections and all, but we are United. "

Friday, September 9, 2016

"Oh thank God Albert, she looks white"

Classic font for a classic issue.  I love my country--I love my country so much I am one of the 2% that has served in its military, and I am as American as they come.  I am the "great melting pot"--European and Asian in descent.  Some of my American roots go back to the 1830s.  I have ancestors that fought on both sides of the Civil War.  But take a close look at that picture to the side.  That's me.  Dark brown hair, light to dark olive skin depending upon how much sun I've gotten.  Brown eyes with a slight reddish tint.  So I'm going to be blunt.  I'm ambiguous looking to racist morons. 

Actually, I'm ambiguous looking to a slew of people.  I've been called chink, wop, spic, wetback, blue gum, hi-yella (didn't even know what it meant when I was first called it), nigger, jap, jigger, cracker (racists come in all colors and education levels), beaner, betty and betty crocker (ironic when you consider one is for a Phillipino and the other is a caucasian slur), injun, squaw, ching-chong, chiquita, chonkey, gook, flip, ginny, goulash, grease ball, green bean (and green beaner), gringo, guinea, gwai-lo, hadji, half baked (not the mary jane version), miyagi, mocha and mocha latte, mojito, mutt, nacho, zipper, oreo, rice ball and rice cracker, sand nigger, zeppo, sapanglish, taco, white chocolate, zipperhead,...there's probably a few more.  More ironic?  I've been called all of these names right here, right in my country, right in the good ole' USA--Home of the Free and the Brave, where all men (and women) are created not so equal in the eyes of some.  Oh that must be because I live in the South.  No, I've been called these names in various locations around this great nation that I love.  I've been asked in various levels of rude with the tone in the voice to accompany the level of rudeness "what are you?" and other questions addressing my race or moreover the assumed race the moron that's asking me assumed.  This has been my world on and off through the years.  For the most part, I always found it laughable...But there were plenty of times that it wasn't.  Like the Caucasian druggie trash that pushed on me then proceeded to spit on me not just once but twice because I refused to tell her what my race is.  I admit I beat her ass.  She had warrants and an arrest record a mile long, so yours truly was actually asked to press charges because pushing and spitting on someone is actually assault.  I was released on self defense.  Of course, at first, I was the one in cuffs.  

What's your point Alex?  My point is simple.  I do not want to go back to that version of America.  Ever.  Oh I know, you people that are wanting to vote for Donald Trump can bullshit all you want.  The facts are this.  He doesn't know when to shut up--not a good leadership quality.  He thinks he knows everything--more than generals, MI6, the CIA and NATO intelligence combined--another not so much of a leader quality.  If in doubt, look at the know it all we have as a President right now.  He has no plan.  Everything is one liners with no plans to back it up. His plans are to tell us after he's elected--yep, because there's no plan except to get elected.  No substance, comb over hair, orange spray tan skin, and a television media circus.  That's not leadership.  But yet, the Trumpites will scream at you if you don't think he should be President.  Who does this?  White America.  Mostly white male America.  Sorry but just fact.  Hell I just had one yesterday say because I said I was voting for Johnson and I quote, "I can't wait till Trump is President so all the blue gums will have to shut up."  Yes, he was talking about me.  Lucky for him the white guy between us immediately said that was inappropriate and I obviously wasn't black.  Oh gee, thanks.  But on the bright side, the inappropriate comment meant that two of the white people, because technically from their vantage point yours truly isn't white, backed off screaming at me.  Hell, I wasn't even saying I was going to vote for Clinton--because I have nothing nice to say about that piece of shit either.

Oh yes, I know.  I've heard it over and over and over.  You just want America to be "great again".  Really?  A man who has literally insulted every race but white?  That's going to make America great again?  Unity doesn't come from racists thinking that they can call someone a racial slur.  Oh I know.  I do.  I know way better than you.  I've been called so many incorrect racial slurs it's nauseating.  Come to think of it I was even called a "kraut" once in a derogatory way.  I have a German last name afterall.  In fact, that idiot actually called me a "wop c*nt" until I corrected him that my Italian last name was actually my ex-husband's.  Then he asked what my maiden name was and bam, he called me a "kraut"--like either were going to upset me.  Words are really just words--until you think you "own" me.  And make no mistake that asshole that called me indirectly a "blue gum" last night is one of those that thinks being white means he should own you.  Not just those of us that might be a mix of various races or any race that he deems below him.  Eventually those types see even their own as the enemy.  

Do you think I'm sorry that in the 1990s America's version of sexy went from dumb blonde drug addicts like Marilyn Monroe and Farrah Fawcett to smart sassy independent women like Tia Carrere, Jennifer Lopez, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Alyssa Milano?  Nope.  Do you think I miss asshats in Walmart, the Piggly Wiggly, or Winn Dixie walking up to me demanding that I answer the question "what are you" with my racial background?  Nope. Do you think I have missed the openly racist jerks like the idiot last night that found out that most of America isn't like them?  Definitely no.  The problem is that he is straight on point though.  

Yes, you read that last line right.  That openly racist asshat was right on target.  Donald Trump is a racist misogynist, and that guy knows that the America Trump wants means he's no longer the loser with long hair at the bar.  He's "white" again.  America's "white" again.  And he can look down on people like me or even "white" people that look like me and especially anyone that there's not a doubt that they aren't "white".  The difference is he's willing to admit that's what he wants and why he's voting for Trump.  He knows that's the only reason to vote for Trump, and he doesn't care it's the only reason.  He's proud it's the only reason and he will be the first one to assume you are voting for Trump for the same racist reason he is.  BAM.  That's it.  He's a racist and you are a kindred soul that is as racist as he is.  In fact, he even looks down on you a little.  You are making up reasons to vote for Trump and he's better than you are because he knows and admits why he's voting for Trump.  That's going to make America great again.  

I can tell you all the reasons that I can't vote for Clinton--it would take a blog or two.  I can tell you all the reasons that I can't vote for Trump--it would take volumes he's said so much moronic crap just in the last couple months, let alone the last year.  But I can tell you the major reason that I'm voting for Johnson.  I don't believe that Clinton or Trump can unite this country.  We are falling apart because we are fighting each other like dumbasses.  Clinton can't fix that--she helped Obama create it.  Trump can't fix it.  He has alienated almost every working woman by belittling successful women based on their looks.  He has insulted every race or religion that he can think of that fits his narrow view of the world.  He's even alienated himself from most of his own party let alone the "other" party.  The Clintrump machines will not unite this country; neither have the ability....and in all honesty, neither have the desire.  They are still using the divide and conquer with less than 2 months to the election.  Johnson is simply the only chance we have to unify.  

I know.  We all hate losing.  We are Americans afterall.  Losing is not in our vocabulary.  Adapt, overcome, over, under, around--whatever it takes to get the job done.  That is the American way.  In that sense the Clintrump machines are the epitome of American, but divide and conquer?  That's not the American way.  United we stand, divided we fall.  There will never be a day in the Presidency of Clinton that someone will not still hate her with every fiber in their body.  There will never be a day in the Presidency of Trump that millions wouldn't harbor that same hatred for him.  But my day to day life?  Is she going to make it better?  Hell no--she cheated just to get Bernie out of the running.  Trump, well, I already know that America.  The open racists being on their high horses and eventually bringing all the closet racists out into the open again.  Thanks but no thanks.  That's not my United States of America.  It may have been my Grams and Granddaddy's America.  When I was born, my grandparents went to see me in the nursery of the hospital.  The part of the country they were from has a lot of Hungarians.  My Grams prayed I would look like one of them.  When they got to the nursery, Grams breathed a sigh of relief, looked at my Granddaddy and said, "Oh thank God Albert, she looks white."  For the Trumpites, you have to ask yourself is that where you want this country to go?  That's where he wants to take us.  

Monday, August 15, 2016

I have failed and that's why I succeed.

I have felt defeated.  Over the years, I've taken my share of hard knocks.  I have faith that God has given me no challenge that I cannot overcome, but that doesn't mean that I haven't felt like I had nowhere to go.  I have felt like it was the end of the world.  I have felt like giving up.  I have wanted to crawl under a rock and shrivel away to nothing because I thought everything was over.  I've lost almost everything that I have three times in my life.  Once because I was young and dumb.  The second time because the economy went to hell in a handbasket.  The third time because I wanted to keep a promise to my kids.  I have no regrets for that last one.  I pretty much walked away from that with a car and a motorcycle, but my one child actually got to finish high school with all his friends.  I wish I could have done that for all 3 boys, but sometimes life just doesn't give you what you want.  I tried.  

So when someone sits there wallowing away in their own failures, I do not get it.  Some things we bring on ourselves by our actions, but others we bring on ourselves by own inactions.  Maybe it's the stubborn Granddaddy or Daddy that I had that instilled that pick yourself off the ground and try again.  Maybe it's a little bit of the military in me--adapt and overcome, over, under, around or straight through.  I've wanted to quit.  I was failing thermodynamics and I wanted to change majors from mechanical engineering to electrical.  I had to take 4 electrical classes because I was specializing in mechatronics.  As a former electrical technician, I was aceing the classes without even attending class.  While thermo had me feeling like a total failure--what the hell is entropy?  "Energy created"?  Everyone that knows basic physics knows energy is neither destroyed or created.  It just changes form.  I was so frustrated that I wanted to give up on the whole dream of finishing my mechanical engineering degree.  I went to the undergrad coordinator for mechanical engineering, one of my mentors, with a change major request in hand.  All I needed was his signature.  He looked it over, looked up at me, said "no" and slid the paper back at me.  What?  Did he not hear me explain how thermo was kicking my ass?  I was failing.  Yes, he had heard me and his answer was still no.  Ugh.   He simply explained to me that he had straight A students that didn't "get" the mechanics like I did and he wasn't going to let me give up.  I'd have to take the class over, in his mind I'd ace it the second time around, and that was the end of the discussion.  So...yes, I took it the second time and yes, I did ace the class.  So the overall grade averaged to a C.  By the way, for those that are even curious, energy isn't created or destroyed.  That whole entropy thing is energy that we cannot account for that is lost to the universe (or "created" to the universe to do whatever it wants to with).  The point is that either way, I wasn't wallowing away in my failure.  I had adapted and figured out another way to skin the cat.  My mentor actually had a better way for me to skin the cat.  But I wasn't quitting either way.  I'm glad he convinced me, or forced me, to not quit his way.  Mine would have probably sucked, because I love the mechanical engineering part of my job the most.

Of course, sometimes there's no one to pull you up but you.  I thought I was going to die when my ex cheated on me when I was pregnant.  But I found what was more important to me--my babies.  Sometimes it's about finding that one thing that motivates you to do better.  No matter what providing for my boys was always one of the top things on my list and no matter what went wrong in my life being there for them trumped all.  I can't understand how anyone brings a life into this world and somehow loses the ability or doesn't develop the ability to be there through thick, thin, hurricane and sunshine for their children.  I tend to believe there is a special place in hell or a lower life form since I believe in reincarnation for people like that.  You cannot create a life and not try your best to be there for them.  It's just not right in so many ways, and that sense of responsibility to them can help someone pull themselves back up and do what they've got to do.  When the economy tanked, I needed to make drastic sacrifices--either move or drive at least 1.5 hours each way to work.  I eventually ended up with the best option that I had at the time and I'm grateful for that.    

But honestly, the hardest pulling yourself up is when it's just on you.  Finding something to motivate you when you think there's nothing to motivate you.  Sometimes that motivation just has to come from inside you.  The hardest thing for most people to achieve is believing in themselves, but if you don't believe in you, how do you expect other people to?  I watch people that wallow away in their own crap all the time.  They settle for just getting by but they aren't happy but they convince themselves that at least they aren't miserable.  Of course, I'd argue if you aren't actually happy with your life as a whole, then you actually are miserable.  You just won't admit it.  Oh, I know. It's easier to fool ourselves into believing we aren't failing by not even trying.  But not trying is failing.  You know I'm right.  When you stop trying to be a better you, give up on your goals, have no goals, no aspirations you basically put yourself in that drowning hole where you leave yourself with nothing to hope for and nothing for you.  The saddest part about this is that you just sink and sink and sink.  The longer you wallow, the harder it becomes to get out of it.  It's not like a vicious circle--it's like being on a sinking ship.  Eventually you lose you and if that happens, it will feel like it's impossible to get back to you.  It's like climbing Mount Everest, and the irony is you have no one to blame but yourself. 

Sure.  Divorce, a failed business, a failed job, a health issue, there are just so many things that can put you in that unsure of yourself position.  Believe it or not, we all have them, but how long you wallow is on you.  How long you let it drag you down is on you.  Of course, we all need a little recovery time--time to lick our wounds and recover.  Time to get to the point that we light the bunson burner under our butts and get started doing the things that make us feel proud of ourselves, like we are accomplishing something, give us something to feel good about ourselves.  I've wallowed.  About 3 months normally.  To adlib something that Michael Jordan said, "I have failed and that's why I succeed."  My failures are learning experiences and each of them have made me who I am today.  And they have ultimately become the reason that I have succeeded.  Failures shouldn't be your reason for giving up.  They should be your reason to reevaluate where you are, where you want to be, and ironically, they are the reasons that you become a better you and get where you ultimately actually belong.   

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Make American Sane Again...and other awesome considerations....

Let's face it.  We all knew when a reality TV star who was fired from his "you're fired" job that the current election would probably be totally outside of the scope of the norm.  For some reason since the Reagans left the political scene, the Republican party began a trip down splinters-ville, and eventually created the fiasco we see now.  The Republican party has lacked solid leadership for over 20 years and the fact a reality television clown is the nominee is proof.  It's just completely baffling--well, no, not really.  Every time that I heard someone saying they were voting for him, a good half when asked, would say they had never voted in an election, let alone a primary.  At first glance, it seemed amazing.  Then as we watched the Republican primary unfold it became apparent that the people voting for him were really just angry and eating up the anger he was expressing.  I didn't make a lot of friends calling this out very early on--as early as July 2015.  He just had no substance.  Anger is not substance.  It's entertaining though, and admittedly I thought it was hilarious that he actually thought he could be nominated, let alone become President.  

On the other side of the fence, the "Stand By Your Man" sell out to be a Senator, the Secretary of State, and now, ugh, running for President.  The division in the Democratic Party was not as noticeable with the Tea Party, the Pro-Lifers, the Moderates desperately trying to keep the Republican party from going off the deep end, but now, with the Bernie Sanders fiasco where the DNC literally screwed him over so badly that even Sanders' supporters are still choking on their Starbucks after he endorsed the biggest liar in the history of any Presidential candidate, it's apparent the division show of the last 20 years has taken a toll on the DNC also.  The fact this woman abandoned an American ambassador and embassy Americans to die is simply amazing.  My favorite quote from the bitch just this week, "When you run for President you need to be judged by what you have done..."  Of course, that was about her Republican opponent and his lack of making any jobs here in the USA.  Yet, the exact same words can be used over and over and over against her.  

Sigh.  Where does that leave us?  "The lesser of two evils" I've been told over and over.  In this bi-party race, there is no lesser of the two evils.  Clintrump are both heinous jackasses that are not qualified for the job of President of the United States.  She couldn't do the job of Secretary of State and she lies so much that no one can actually believe her.  It's a flip of a coin with this woman.  On the other side, well, he's insane.  No one in their right mind tanks their own opportunity to gain in the polls to draw more negative attention on himself when the negatives about the DNC and them falling apart in light of the things they did to Sanders could have resulted in great gains for him and the GOP.  No, his ego is so friggin big he couldn't stand not having the spotlight for 36 hours.  Hell, he didn't make it even 5.  And as a result, the lying bitch has taken double digit leads in all the polls and most of the states that will be deciding factors in the election.  I've always accused him of trying to tank the GOP to ensure his butt buddy's wife becomes President.  Well, either I've been right all along or the asshat is totally crazy and unstable as hell.  Honestly, neither Clintrump appeal to me.  For the first time since I became old enough to cast my vote, I was contemplating abstaining.  

A good friend of mine read my woes as I posted them on Facebook.  I could never vote for a dumbass like Trump.  I could never vote for lying bitch like Clinton.  He prodded me to look at Governor Johnson and his running mate, Governor Weld.  Libertarians.  I automatically said no.  Not just no, hell no.  I still remember Perot and Ron Paul.  Both were like fringe nuts.  Pass.  Trust me, just look, he kept prodding.  Oh hell, I finally thought, what have I got to lose?  So I went and looked.  And then looked some more.  Then watched the first CNN Town Hall with Johnson and Weld.  I was in, completely in.  Now, let me be clear, I do not actually agree with Johnson and Weld on everything, but unlike the two major parties I don't have to.  Johnson and Weld promise compromise.  They promise to hire the best and brightest from the Libertarians, the Democrats and the Republicans to finally get our country pulled back together and get Washington doing what they are supposed to be doing--the jobs we voted them into.  

Oh sure, you might think.  Yet, their records, both, speak for themselves.  They made promises in their campaigns for governors of New Mexico and Massachusetts.  The amazing part is that they kept their promises.  WHAT?!?!  Yes, they kept their promises.  They did what they said they would.  They reduced government, reduced taxes AND improved their states' infrastructures.  We have always been told that wasn't possible.  And yet, here are two men that not only said it was possible--they proved it.  They are both fairly soft spoken.  It's a stark contrast to the full of themselves Clintrump.  As they put it, they are "fiscally conservative" and "socially liberal".  And they proved that you can be both in New Mexico and Massachusetts.    

The funny thing is that the Ds and Rs have been telling us for over 20 years that isn't possible.  They've spent a lot of time with the us versus them mentality, and we, we the American public, are just as much to blame for buying into the bullshit.  We are all different but we are all American.  We all have different ideas, different experiences, different families, different friends, different jobs, different churches and different faiths, different minds.  Yet we are all American.  We all want the American dream.  We have more in common than we think.  We all want our children to have better opportunities.  We all want peace.  We all want a balanced budgets, less taxes, and our freedoms.  We have let the R & D show make us believe we are this or that--not this, that and everything in between.  They throw smaller issues that they know will polarize us--emotionally charged arguments that have no solution, but allow the R&D show to play slight of hand like a magician.  We ooooo and aahhhh and then point fingers at each other, like there is only one side or the other.  But that's not even remotely true, is it?  We are--this, that and everything in between.  It's what made us the most powerful nation in the world.  Being all different and yet all one--the one is that we are American. 

We need someone to unite us, to end the gridlock in Washington, and give us what we really need.  Cut taxes, term limits so that the bureaucracy doesn't grow and grow and grow and eat us alive, balance the budget so that we can actually get rid of the deficit.  Sure we want immigration reform, but the reality is that the government has plenty of immigration laws and rules--they just don't follow them.  It's just another slight of hand trick.  Yes, we worry about ISIS and the security of our country.  In the recent months, it's becoming obvious that Europe is just as big of a target as we are--even more so.  But do we need a hot head who goes from appearing rational to crazy in a matter of less than 5 hours?  Or a lying bitch who abandoned Americans?  We need real leadership.  Proven leadership.  Unlike the crazy train and the liar's bus, we want someone we can trust what they say and trust they will actually do their best for us--for our great country...not themselves.  We can't say that about Clintrump.  

Governors Johnson and Weld are not like the Libertarians of the past.  They are not the fringe.  I would argue that the R&D show got so caught up in their own games that they are now the fringe.  Most Americans want sane.  Take a look at Johnson and Weld.  Go watch the two CNN Town Hall specials with them on YouTube.  If after watching one, an hour and twenty of your time and you still want to vote for the Clintrump, then at least you do so with a clear conscience that you considered all your options.  I'm betting you might jump off the Clintrump roller coaster ride and join those of us that have decided it's time to make America sane again.     

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Done with that box or any other box for that matter....

Over the years, the most emotionally abusive men that have been in my life are always the ones that are constantly wanting to be back in my life.  Of course, every single guy I've ever dated has come back wanting at least attention--which I don't know about what most women think of this since I can't be the only one this happens to, but yea, fuck off.  Excuse the language, but really.  Don't get me wrong.  Any wrong turns that I have taken--well, yes that's on me.  I'm sure God or fate had some reasoning to get me where I am now.  But truth?  I don't need a damn meme to tell me that going backwards is a dumbass move.  Asking me if I ever loved someone is kind of stupid too.  If I dated someone, on some level at the time, yes, I did.  But that doesn't mean I have a wish to spend the rest of my life as anyone's doormat.  The problem with saying I'm not doing this whole wash, rinse, repeat cycle is that I have to seriously look at what was wrong with my previous choices and what the hell is wrong with me.  So I know what's wrong with my previous choices--laundry list, remember?  I always know what's wrong with them before I even get into it.  The problem is that I have to admit that I also allow them to treat me like a damn doormat eventually.  Why?  Well, that's the question now isn't it?

For one, most people that don't really know me very well assume that isn't possible.  That's because I'm extroverted and I'll share my opinion and thoughts fairly freely.  I don't judge people for their opinions and therefore I don't see any reason to keep my opinions to myself.  I do realize that a majority of people judge people with different opinions as "not their people".  Welcome to the world we live in.  But, the more shallow the person the quicker they are to assume that because I am not afraid to share my opinions or knowledge.  That is who I am.  It's a drop in the bucket of who I am.  For the people that know me the best, I'm usually leery to take the lead.  I can lead, when I need to.  I just really enjoy not having to think about it.  I've always had a lot of responsibilities--at least since my early 20s.  So most of the time I'm dating someone I just follow their lead.  After a while, if they start to control and start shoving me in their box, well, sooner or later, I'm out.  I don't like to play games and I'm not going to take someone's shit for months and months just because he's figured out that I'm not actually demanding at all.  

My closest friends tell me all the time, especially when I'm dating someone, that I need to stand up for myself.  I need to put my "foot down".  I need to define limits early on or I'm going to end up being treated like crap.  Well, that is partially true.  But it's really two fold, right?  Most of the guys I've dated I already know aren't a good choice.  The ones that have been a good choice--okay, yes, there's been a couple.  Yea, they still had issues, but was it a laundry list?  Not sure.  There's a couple that I'm still friends with that just had their issues and we just didn't "fit".  But for the rest, yes, I became a doormat.  They treated me like I had to do what they wanted, when they wanted.  They would bitch about my friends and try to cut me off from them.  Some of them they had valid points, but then they would use that to try to cut me off from the friends that they had no valid points to cut me off.  They just were control freaks who started to treat me like property.  Fuck that.  Excuse the language again.  Sailor mouth is really in a mood today.  Is it my own fault?  Sure to some degree.  I gave them the impression I was okay being treated like that because I'm not demanding.  I just wasn't raised to be some demanding mean girl bitch.  

So, I tend to just follow my man's, when I have one, I just tend to follow his lead.  It's not a whole lot of skin off my back--until they start trying to make it impossible for me to have my friends, my own life, my hobbies, accomplish things that I want to accomplish.  My youngest's sperm donor is a great example.  He and his father tried to pressure me over and over to not finish my degree.  Yet, that wasn't why I left his ass in the dust--it was because there wasn't a single honest word that ever came out of his mouth and when I realized that I was out.  Bam.  I tend to let the guy I date put me in a damn box and why in the hell have I been doing that with anyone that I already have a laundry list of stuff that I want nothing to do with? 

Probably because I know I'm not staying in that box very long.  I just can't do it.  I start to feel stifled, smothered, like I can't breath.  I start to introvert and that's just not who I am.  And then, I'm angry and trying to swallow it.  Well, at that point, it's just a matter of time.  Amazingly, when I get to that point that I'm done, I'm silent.  I've got no anger at all.  Could friggin care less.  Yes, call it cold bitch, but no not cold hearted bitch.  I'm not wishing anything bad on anyone I've ever dated.  I've just got no use for someone that didn't respect me when they had me and then want me back when I've had enough.  I always have given second chances, hell sometimes even a third or fourth, but when enough is enough, enough is enough.  

So how do I work out this wash, rinse, repeat when I know I have this issue where I start to get treated like a doormat because I don't put my proverbial foot down?  I don't know.  I know I can put it down when I'm done and an ex boyfriend is finding that out right now.  But how do I define limits that I have literally never thought I should have to with someone that I don't even know it's ever going there in the first place?  I keep saying the right guy will have to figure me out.  Well, the right guy wouldn't take advantage of a mush ball.  My Granddaddy wasn't perfect--Grams and he went through hell a time or two and then some, truth be told.  My Daddy and mother on the other hand, until she got sick, got on really well.  There is no such thing as a perfect relationship or a perfect man, or woman for that matter.  But I've seen good and great relationships and I know damn well they don't look like me being shoved in a little box and controlled and miserable.  I'm just not sure that I don't have to learn to put limits on how I'm going to be treated or not treated early on.  I shouldn't have to.  It doesn't seem like that would be the right relationship then.  But I guess the best thing to do when I don't like that someone doesn't seem or appear to be treating me with respect, then it's time to bail immediately.  I'm too easy going in a relationship and I'm not going to be someone's doormat--whether it's because I'm too smart, too smart ass or in reality too easy going and they think that's a free for all to treat me like shit. Done with that box.     

Monday, July 18, 2016

Not ready for the right person or not interested in being with the wrong person....

The downside to having an hour drive to work and an hour drive back is that it's plenty of time to think.  The upside to having an hour drive to work and back is that it's plenty of time to think.  Still didn't help my writer's block when I got home.  I couldn't get my thoughts straight.  I was having a conversation with a friend yesterday, and I tell people all the time that I don't "want" a relationship or I'm not ready.  Is that my wash, rinse, repeat?  Kind of caught myself off guard this morning when I asked myself that.  The drive into work wasn't near as fun.  I usually actually enjoy the drive.  The drive back from work wasn't as frustrating.  I was preoccupied with the question.  I thought when I get home I'll write, ok type, it all down and I'll work out the answer.  Nothing.  That's not usually how this works.  The blog comes as my brain starts to filter through everything, not while it's all still in jumbles.  So the jumbles are starting to filter.  

Is it?  Wash, rinse, repeat?  If it is, which section.  Wash, dating and dumping.  Rinse, no dating at all.  Repeat, that's jumping back in to something I don't really want.  I'm not in repeat mode.  I have absolutely no interest in anyone that is not viable right now.  YAY me.  Wash.  No, not that.  Rinse.  Oh shit.  Maybe.  My favorite answer during the rinse cycle is to say I don't want a relationship or not ready for one.  Damn it.  That's not really true though, is it?  Well, sort of.  I'm not wanting another worthless relationship that has zero potential.  No more laundry lists.  So, why am I still saying that?  I'm saying it because of habit.  I'm used to being very guarded and it's a solid proven way to protect myself.  Of course, in my defense, the whole reason to say it is because I have a tendency to attract guys that aren't smart enough, aren't smart ass enough, don't get my sense of humor, who get intimidated by the fact for the most part that I have my shit together.  And during the rinse cycle, I don't want any of them in my life.  They are controlling, manipulative, less than honest and annoying.  So what if I say it to anyone that might ideally want more that might be very viable? 

Well, my closest friends have all pointed out that I need someone smart enough that gets my sarcastic sense of humor and who I can admire.  Someone who is proud of how smart I am and someone I can be proud of.  Someone who can get the better of me when I'm frustrated and make me laugh.  Am I ready for that?  Well, that's the thing.  I think we all are.  We get to the point where we aren't ready for the "wrong" thing anymore and that can be daunting.  I'm not willing to be with the wrong person ever again.  But the right one?  Well, truth is, yes, I think I am.  It doesn't mean I want to be in an instant relationship like instant oatmeal or grits.  But the right person?  The right guy?  Yes, it might be very difficult for me, but I've made up my mind that the right guy deserves to be treated like gold and deserves me to be all in.  I deserve to be treated like gold too and I deserve to have the guy that is all in.  

Of course, that's a lot for me to say.  The majority of guys I have dated have defined "all in" as up my *ss breathing for me.  I need to be able to have my friends, my boys, my job, my own space.  I have a life and he needs to have a life.  I want to share my life, not have it smothered by a control freak.  Still the "right" guy, the lightening strike, the unicorn, would not be that way, and I know this.  So I just need to pay attention.  So I'm not in rinse cycle, so much as simply saying that I don't want to date just anyone.  The right guy, yes, I'm technically ready.  The wrong guy, well, no, I'll never be ready again for the wrong guy.  I don't need filler space. 

Have I met the right guy?  I said it before that the right guy would probably have to figure me out not the other way around.  I have a terrible habit of second guessing myself.  I don't talk about it with my friends in the normal way.  If it's someone that I think is truly amazing, I'm more likely to keep it to only my closest friends.  Might have something to do with recently finding out a couple of people I thought were good friends were nothing but lying backstabbing gossips.  I'd probably tell him--that probably is stupid. That may be me second guessing myself.  I tend to think if it's the right guy all the things that might be wrong with anyone else would be right just because he'd realize that I'm basically a mush ball in an overwrapped package.  

But no more saying that I'm not ready.  I am technically ready for the right guy.  I'm no longer going to say that I'm not ready or don't want a relationship.  Of course, I do and I'm ready for the right person.  I'm not interested in the being with the wrong person and from now on that's what I'm going to say.