Saturday, January 21, 2017

Still hoping I'm wrong....

Since I didn't vote for either of the major party candidates, I have the luxury of telling anyone that voted for either candidate their behavior during the election and now after is atrocious.  I didn't vote for Trump, but he's President of the United States now.  I didn't vote for Obama either.  But he was President of the United States.  Some of you really need to learn to respect the Office even if you don't like the man.  Period.  Quit finger pointing and acting like little toddlers fighting over a new toy.  You look like dumbasses on BOTH sides of the fence.  Believe me--those of us that are stuck in the middle are sick of both of you.  And by you I mean you all as a collective.

First, if you are a Trump voter, the majority of you die hard followers were obnoxious during the election.  Please do not pretend that you don't remember it that way.  You were.  You screamed at anyone that said they wouldn't vote for Trump.  Clinton supporters didn't.  YOU DID.  You insulted.  Some of you physically attacked people who didn't agree with you.  Many of you were so obnoxious even I wanted to deck you and I'm not a Clinton supporter.  You didn't appreciate anyone else's point of view and it is still showing in some of you even now.  "We are all Americans" Trump said in his speech yesterday.  But you are still the first ones telling other people to shut up, suck it up, and taunting people who disagree with you.  You are not acting like Americans.  You didn't obviously appreciate those words.  To you by the way you act those words only apply to you.  Also, you whined and whined and whined that the system was rigged before the election.  Don't remember that?  I remember several of you doing this.  But it wasn't now, was it?  So telling the other side of the fence to shut up about it not being fair???  Hell, you did it and you hadn't even lost yet.  How much more obnoxious can some of you be??  You don't like the protests?  Yet, many of you protested Obama.  Many of you called him n*gger, tar baby, and whole slew of other racist slurs.  Hell, I've even heard those slurs in the last couple weeks and seen them on social media.  It's still on some of your FB pages.  Yet, I find it laughable that the same people are demanding respect for the new President.  It's baffling what a bunch of hypocrites you are.  

As for you Clinton supporters, you are acting exactly like the Trump supporters did before the election.  It's embarrassing.  You were all so quick to point out when the Trump supporters were acting ridiculous and now you are doing it yourselves.  Unbelievable. Same bs--opposite side of the fence.  I'd berate you, but I already did in perfect words.  Just put Clinton or Obama in the above paragraph and  switch the word "during" to "after" the election and BAM!  That's you now.  

It basically comes down to one thing my Grams always used to say, "Two wrongs don't make a right."  Many of us wanted Obama gone and pretty much no one imagined, even Trump's own supporters, that he was actually going to be the one sworn in yesterday.  Truth is that President Trump owes his Presidency to Obama.  Obama didn't listen to us, the people, and that's why almost half of the country voted against anymore Obama.  Am I convinced that Trump is the devil?  Nope.  I don't think Obama was either.  But Obama, no matter what any of you die hard supporters want to say lacked true leadership skills.  He is smart, and a good husband and father.  But he told people what to do, and well, as Americans, we just don't actually like that.  In every single State of the Union address he would use the words "you will", "you must", "you have to"....That's not leadership.  A true leader makes you want to follow him or her because they a worthy of following--not because you are told you have to.  Now, truth be told we have no idea what kind of President Trump will be.  So acting out makes no sense.  Yes, he said some hateful things during his campaign and he's not going to apologize.  That's the kind of person he is.  It won't happen.  Tough twinkies.

We don't know if Trump's going to be a good or bad President either.  Similar to Obama, he has no real political experience.  Obama really had almost none.  Trump has even less.   We already lived 8 years of a smart man with no leadership skills do a terrible job and his fan base still screaming how great he was.  Pretty much exactly like Trump supporters are acting now.  Is Trump a smart man?  He's not stupid, but he is an ego maniac.  By all accounts including his ex wives and current wife, he doesn't like to lose.  This might be okay, but we won't know for a while.  The next few months are going to let us know.  Does he have leadership skills?  By most accounts, this is debatable.  Some have said he does; many have said he doesn't.  The other day a political strategist compared Trump's win to Reagan's first win.  President Reagan didn't win by a very large majority either.  Yet, 4 years later, Reagan was so popular, he took 49 of 50 states in the election.  Reagan immediately went to making the people, all the people not just the ones that voted for him, feel like he was there for all Americans.  This is something the new President isn't doing.  I've heard the arguments that he doesn't have to.  I heard those same arguments 8 years ago.  Obama didn't have to, according to the hypocrites on the other side of the fence.  So making those same arguments isn't convincing any of us that didn't vote for Trump.  It's ridiculous.  

Why didn't I vote for Trump?  I wasn't convinced that he wouldn't be just like Obama--the white GOP version.  I'm still not convinced.  He seems to be making the divide greater and greater and playing only to his voting base, pretty much exactly like Obama did.  Here's what Obama, his supporters and Trump and his supporters seem to forget.  The office is called President of the United States.  Not President of the Dems or the GOP.  It's not even called President of the People or these People not those People.  The United States.  That actually means all of us.  President for all Americans, whether we voted for him or not.  Please spare me the ridiculous argument that he's not going to please everyone.  I've heard that shit for 8 years now and I'm sick of hearing it.  I sure didn't want Clinton in office because I have become so sick of hearing it.  So I definitely don't want to hear it from a whole new base of groupies.  So far, this Presidency is looking like at least 4 more years of divide.  

Meanwhile, no one is actually paying attention to the confirmation hearings for the Cabinet.  These are literally more important to you and I and our every day lives than any elected official.  They make and manage all kinds of regulations and rules that you and I have to live by.  Laws that get passed very rarely have the details of implementation in them.  Who do you think implements them?  A lot of it gets implemented by various departments all lead by....Secretaries of the President's Cabinet.  The new President has a very questionable one selected for Secretary of Education.  Her plans will derail public schools.  The impact could be huge.  The new President promised to reverse many of Obama's Executive Orders.  Many of us want a lot of the healthcare measures gone and some of those are through EOs.  Yet, the first one he signs a reversal for?  To increase FHA/HUD mortgages which means those of you with FHA/HUD mortgage loans will pay an average of $900 more per year for your mortgage.  Dr. Ben Carson for Housing and Urban Development?  He's a neurosurgeon with no experience in Housing and Development.  None.  How is this a good choice?  And my personal favorite--the major stockholder, Chairman of the Board and CEO of Exxon Mobil for Secretary of State--the Secretary that negotiates prices and treaties with other countries.  Oil is a very widely used commodity in this country--not just for gasoline and other fuels.  It's used for oils (obviously), plastics (everything from the Rubbermaid in your kitchen to tires to the panels used for solar power), asphalt(roads, parking lots), benzene (used in the manufacture of aspirin, drugs, detergents, lubricants, pesticides), nylon (pantyhose, parachutes, toothbrushes--so many things are made from nylon this list could go on for days just for this one), paraffin wax (candles, crayons), chicle (chewing gum), polyester (ummm, probably more than half the clothes in your closet), propylene glycol (lipstick, vasoline, eye make up remover)....Imagine the money this man could make by helping drive up oil prices?????  Do you really trust him to take care of us over using his office as a way to increase his own wallet?  Think of all those things that could increase in cost that you use and buy every day....are you sure this is the right choice?   

So basically while you are pointing fingers at each other, pretty much business as usual for most of you now, you're missing the big picture.  From my point of view, we are off to another 4 years of bs--just with a white GOP Obama.  I'm still hoping I'm wrong.  Maybe the hypocrites on both sides will just read this and finally stop.  I doubt it.  It's looking like the new American way is hypocrite whine and ignore cheese.   

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

A refreshing shot of whiskey

Over the years I've always thought I'd be married by now.  I mean, honestly, I never planned on actually marrying my friend.  Ten years is a long time to make a promise and I just never thought I'd have to.  The deal was we'd only marry if I was still single.  I simply didn't think 10 years would go by and I wouldn't be.  I always thought once my boys were grown I'd have found the right one and settled in, got married and been living the next chapter of my life.  Well, obviously as much as I've been whimpering over this in the recent weeks, that hasn't happened.  So I'm trying now that I've accepted that it hasn't, well, why not?

Well, my personal favorite that I've heard over the last few weeks--I'm intimidating.  Which here's my response:  bullshit.  It's got nothing to do with that.  I know plenty of women that like fishing, are totally redneck, smoke, chew, cuss, dress like women, and there are plenty of memes claiming this is totally awesome.  So I'm that girl who loves football, soccer, auto racing, motorcycles, cars, hockey and I dress totally like a girl.  I can cuss like a sailor and prefer beer or whiskey.  Pretty much still hot according to memes if you fish.  So what's the difference?  Oh right.  The intimidation factor.  What's really intimidating?  I have my life together.  I'm not the damsel in distress.  I'm not pretending to like what any guy likes just to make him happy.  But guess what?  Most of the time this is all lies anyway.  I know plenty of women that have told me that they love fishing.  Really?  Where's your favorite spots in the area?  They have no idea or they prefer to fish on a boat.   Oh really?  Do you own a boat?  Nope.  Ever owned a boat?  Just fish on the side of the lake off the road?  Do you fish when you go out with your fri
ends?  No.  NO.  Nope.  In fact, the only time they have ever fished is with a man.  So here's what actually intimidating about me.  I really don't like fishing, and I will say so.  I know how. I don't need a man to go fishing.  I took my boys fishing when they were younger all the time--until they about drowned me because of a fight they got into on a stream up near the North Carolina border.  (Yes, the drowning is an exaggeration...but I was soaked.)  I can bait a hook with corn, salmon eggs, sardines, lures, and little live bait (another one of my least favorite things in the world).  I really only like to fish to drink beer or sunbathe.  Yep, that's it.  So you want to know what makes me intimidating?  I don't like something--I simply say so.

Imagine that?  Just being honest.  That's me almost all the damn time--probably too honest as a couple different friends tell me.  What's wrong with that?  No one ever says being honest is intimidating.  But that's really what it is for people that can't be honest.  Why am I still single?  Well, in hindsight, my stepmother and I didn't get along.  My father's relationship with me was damaged for decades.  Yes, that's right decades.  Eventually Daddy and I made peace and even became close again.  But the years we missed?  Well, no reason to cry over spilled milk.  Yet, in all honesty, it's probably why most guys I've dated seriously have crashed and burned.  No one is interfering with my relationship with my boys.  Now they are grown men, for the most part, I had always thought I would have a relationship once raising them was completed for the most part.  But before that, if a guy didn't get along with my kids, or there were issues that would be bad for my kids or my relationship with my kids, my immediate response was adios, auf weidersehen, bye bye.  No child deserves to be cut off from their parents--I don't care who you are, natural parent or not.  The last guy I dated seriously liked drama--even dragging his own daughter into the drama once.  My boys hated him.  He'd brag how much they liked him to everyone--including me (which was laughable)--the whole time my boys all telling me that if I kept dating him they were not going to be around much.  They learned to be honest with me because I always tried to maintain a good honest example for them.  

So my boys interfere someone once asked?  No.  They have liked a couple of guys I've dated, but I was cautious that they didn't meet anyone until it got serious when they were younger.  As my boys got older, they actually started to worry about me being alone.  So most of the time, they are actually happy if I'm dating someone.  The only time they aren't happy with the idea is when they observe the guy treating me like crap.  Even when I dated someone who's behavior was questionable, the boys rarely observed it when they were younger.  I didn't permit that in my boys life.  Nothing put someone out the door faster.  Is that intimidating?  I hope so.  When they were younger, I was the only one there for them 100% of the time, and if their needs coming first was intimidating, then so be it.  

That's not to say that I don't put my significant other ahead of them when warranted or even ahead of myself.  I certainly did that with the last guy I dated seriously and all that got me was a jerk who took advantage of my generosity while accusing me of taking advantage of him (when he didn't even work most of the time), treating me like crap, getting into arguments with my youngest son, my two older sons eventually hating his guts, and more drama than a teenage girl permanently on her period.  Does that change that I like to be spoiled and like to do things special for someone I'm with?  No.  Just means that when someone proves unworthy, then it's time to cut them loose--no matter how much you don't want to be alone.  Is knowing when to call it quits intimidating?  Maybe.  But being alone is way, way better than being miserable.  

Am I interested in being a sugar mama, babying a man to the point of almost being his mother, dealing with laziness, or putting up with disrespect or a moocher?  A man who said "not just no, but hell no" to a woman acting like that would never be questioned--that wouldn't be intimidating.  So why would it be when a woman draws that same line?  It shouldn't be.  I don't want to be treated like crap and I've accomplished a lot in my life.  From my point of view, I deserve the same amount of respect as any man that can say the same.  It's not intimidating.  It's just putting limitations on how we are willing to be treated.  

So, I really don't care what anyone says about "intimidating" anymore.  I have a lot of male friends.  They aren't intimidated by me.  So there's absolutely no way that I'm actually intimidating.  There might be men that don't want a woman with her shit together.  That's fine.  They might not like a woman who has a lot of male friends.  That's fine too.  I'm not giving up my friends because a guy is too insecure to the point of being controlling.  It might even bother them that I know how to change a tire, know how to change my own oil, and actually have an obsession for some sports.  In all honesty, I hate changing my own oil and sports are way, way more fun when you have someone to enjoy them with.  If being honest and saying when I don't like something is intimidating, oh well. If that's so intimidating, then I'm simply not your cup of tea.  I'm probably someone else's refreshing shot of whiskey.  

Saturday, January 14, 2017

We are not the herd....

"What in the hell are you talking about?"  I swear to God sometimes that's what I want to say to some people.  Over the last 20 months, this country became so polarized I thought I was on the verge of either being in a militant version of socialism (communism) or a militant version of religious zealots (fascism).  They said about 70% of us didn't want Clinton or Trump.  Let that settle in for a moment.  That means that 35%, roughly, voted for one because they didn't want the other more and vice versa.  So for those that genuinely expected something new--from either side-quit whining.  BOTH sides!!  We the other 70% are sick of hearing about it.  I don't know if my words will represent that other 70% but I'm guessing that a good percentage of it will feel like I do.  Shut up.  Enough.  I don't care that Clinton lost.  I didn't want her anyway.  I don't care that Trump won.  We knew one of them would win.  I didn't want him either.  Unlike you assholes who said your vote didn't  matter before election day because it was rigged in Clinton's favor?  Guess what?  Shut up.  You were wrong.   For you idiots that are whining that Trump cheated?  Guess what?   Shut up.  You were claiming it was a good system until you lost.  No one, well, at least 70% of us don't want to hear it anymore.

Here's the thing.  While you dumb whiny bitches, oh yes--definitely bitches, keep crying over whether you like or don't like the President elect...Guess what?  It doesn't matter.  If you love him, think he's going to be the best thing since George Washington himself, guess what?  It doesn't matter.  He doesn't have to do anything he promised to do.  Why?  Because you're so busy patting yourselves on the back and arguing over something that is over that you wouldn't know if he was doing what he promised or not.  Stupid.  Stop it.  It's over.  It's like watching other Raiders fans start bragging about our last Super Bowl win in 1984!!!  AND I'm a Raiders fan!!  You look pathetic bragging about a win that now doesn't matter again for 4 years!!  I mean seriously.  Do you brag about the Super Bowl win for months on end?  (Other than to razz your best friend when the season starts back?)  NO, of course not.  That would make you look like an idiot...and yes, you look like an idiot going on and on about how proud you are of the new President elect.  Know why?  Because he hasn't actually done anything yet.  The Super Bowl winners are winners until the next season starts.  He's only just started.  He's not a winner until he proves he can do the job.  BAM!

Oh, and don't think for one minute I'm cutting any of you whiny Clinton fans a break here.  Enough.  She lost, fair and square, and you were perfectly fine if it would've been her that had won the electoral college and lost the popular vote.  We all know that, because those arguments were made by your camp before election day.  So guess what?  Shut up.  She lost.  It's over, and 70% of us don't care that you got your feelings hurt because she lost.  Tough twinkies.  Man up.  God knows you expected us to suck up another Obama win when 80% of Americans were opposed to Obamacare.  Know why?  Well for me and 60% of working Americans, it took our "Cadillac" plans away and made it basically illegal for our companies to even offer us them through steep fines.  Oh but gave those same "Cadillac" plans to people who didn't work at all.  In fact, if you actually were working, you couldn't afford the premium for the "Cadillac" plans.  Nope.  You actually had to be so damn poor you weren't working at all.  (Know this for a fact, because a friend's income was too high and she with her two dependents was technically still lower income.)   SO...shut up.  That pissed us off and most of us wanted a change.  It shouldn't surprise you at all that enough people were mad that Obama wasn't listening to what we wanted.  Why are you whining still?  Is it really because you are upset over the win?  Or is it that you know that over 60% of us wanted Obama to stop doing certain things and now you realize that Trump might do the same to you?  I mean really.

Now here's what both sides of the whiners have in common.  You don't know when to shut up.  Much like Trump.  The man constantly knee jerk reacts on Twitter like a teenage girl.  Oh yes, even you Trump haters, you whine as much as he tweets stupid shit--possibly more.  We don't care.  BUT here's the real problem with both sets of you idiots.  You are making the rest of America complacent.  You are helping in the dumbing down of this Great Nation.  No?  Basically 70% of us don't want to hear it anymore.  It's a proven fact--through statistical theory that goes back more than half a century--that over time only 2% will continue to pay attention.  The rest will get so sick of the rhetoric that they will just tune it all out.  I'm one of the 2%.  I'm watching Trump.  You know why?  He's the President elect, and whether you like it or not his decisions will affect all of us.  Spare me the "oh the stuff they do doesn't affect my daily life" crap.  All of us were impacted by Obamacare and the majority were not impacted for the better.  Period.  So YES, EVERYTHING they do affects us.

It's time you stop arguing over bullshit and start looking at your neighbors and realize we all have a LOT of common ground.  Common ground?  Yes.  We ALL are sick of House Congressmen and women making $174,000 for 4 months of work.  The average American makes approximately $52,0000 per year for working an average of 50 weeks a year--versus less than 20 weeks.  Trump promised to end the corruption.  Promised to end the pork bellies.  Promised to make them do their jobs.  Unless you are making the equivalent of $174K per 4 months of work, then shut up and start paying real attention to what's going on.  Let me put this in perspective for you.  These assholes we elect make a minimum of what would be $522,000 a year if they were actually working as hard as you do.  Do you think that's fair?  Oh, but you're so busy whining about Clinton's loss or whining that Trump won so brag, brag, brag, that you are failing miserably to see the forest through the trees.  Trust me.  They love you to do this.  Why?  Because the rest of us just want all of you to shut up.  We don't want to hear it anymore.  In the process, you are making all of us ignore what's actually going on as much as you are.

For those that are getting complacent because you don't want to hear it anymore.  I'm not leaving you out.  I'm one of the 2%.  I'll be paying attention when you have shut it out.  You are just as much the problem as anyone.  You don't want to tell them to stop.  You don't want to keep up with the issues anymore either.  You've got everyday problems and the election is over.  But, if you're like me, Obamacare did affect your every day--by affecting your paycheck, your ability to receive healthcare, and how much you have to come out of pocket if anything happens.  It affected how much groceries you're buying every week.  That's right.  Let that sink in.  And it was your complacency that let it happen.  Yes, it was.  When people tried to warn you to call your Representatives and Senators, did you?  Most of you didn't.  Most of you were too complacent to bother.  Start paying attention.  The President elect has been picking his Cabinet nominees.  These people will affect your daily life more than any of our elected officials. Yes, fact.  VA?  Appointees.  HUD?  Appointees.  Education?  Appointees.  Federal Reserve?  They control interest rates and the dollar and guess what?  Completely controlled by...APPOINTEES.  Pay attention.  These choices will dictate most of our daily lives for the next 4 to 8 years.  Sure.  You say well if you don't like it in 4 years you can vote him out.  Bet you said that about Obama too.  How'd that work out for us??

Maybe this will fall on deaf ears.  But those of you that are being complacent, time to get up, pay attention, ignore the whiners on both sides, or better yet, grow some balls and remind them that the election is over and time to pay attention to what is going on with the new Congress and the President elect.  Remind them that all their bickering is what got us into this mess in the first place.  It's not us against them.  It's not they are wrong and we are right, or vice versa.  It's about making sure that we know that the people we elected are listening to us, that we are not us bickering or shutting down and letting them do whatever the hell they want.  Time to "cowboy up" as a friend of mine likes to say and make sure wherever the people we elected are trying to drive the herd is where the herd actually wants to go.  Because guess what?  We are not a herd.  We are human beings with inalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  Remember that???

Thursday, January 12, 2017

It's coming... And I know it

There was a time I made a promise to marry one of my friends.  I have no doubt he loved me with the majority of his heart.   But I also have no doubt that it wouldn't happen.  I never imagined it wouldn't happen because he'd be gone.  I actually always thought I'd be married before it ever came to fruition.  Joke's on me.  He's passed away and I'm not married.  

Part of me thinks "shit.... You should've just married him... At least you'd have made him happy... Because..." Well because I'm the same as I was when I promised I'd marry him.  I'm not talking money or things. I'm talking heart, soul.  Nothing's actually changed.  I'm still who I am and still dreading a real relationship.  If I'd have married him, well, at least he would've been happy.  I have no doubt.  I could do no wrong in his eyes.  I was fucking perfect.  I'm not fucking perfect. I'm so imperfect that sometimes his vision of me screwed with me. 

Still, there's a lot to be said about someone that thinks you're all that.  Maybe he overlooked my flaws because that's what you do when you're truly in love.  You can't help but make excuses for that person.  But we all make excuses for our friends, right??  I love my friends for who they are even when I don't like certain things about them.   Grams used to say you're in love when you find the flaws endearing.  My friends... Well, I defend them in spite of flaws, I ignore flaws and I love them in spite.  But endearing? 

So my friend, his biggest flaw was he was a drunk.  I cannot even explain to most people how bad.  I've actually never met anyone else as bad.  And I know a lot of drunks.  I didn't find it endearing.  I actually hated it.  It was the only thing that kept him from being perfect.  Not truly perfect, no one is truly perfect.  But it was the only flaw I didn't view as endearing.  I saw it as weakness, ugly, a hurdle, a deadening reminder why I got divorced in the first place.  When I promised to marry him, I did so knowing I'd never marry him.  I just never thought it would be because he was dead.

Truth.  I thought I'd already be married.  I thought I'd already have found the guy who loved me in spite of my flaws and vice versa.  You know. The one who polishes your rough edges and vice versa.   I'm pretty sure now he's been hit by a bus.  Got caught in a cross fire.  Killed in, well who cares.  Just gone.  There's no one that I think was him.  I just figure I've spent most of my life holding out for "gone".

Positive attitude is actually one of my fortes.  I'm always looking at the brightest view, giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, never judging anyone for their negatives... Even when that opening often allows them to run their mouths and drum negativity against me ten fold.  I don't care.  I really don't.  A good heart doesn't. Talk your shit because until you've lived my life... Well no one other than me can know who or what I actually am.  I define me.  But if I'm honest, I'm crushed.  Haters happy yet?

There was never a time I was upset because I wasn't married.  When my friend died, I was devastated, because he was one of my closest friends.  I was... Truth be told... Slightly relieved that I didn't have to marry him.  So the closer I get to next month, I know this more and more.  Doesn't make me feel better overall though.  Why?  I thought I'd have been married by now.  Yes I know.  I did though.  I had plenty of options--so... I just never imagined I'd reach next month and be single. 

My friend was an awesome wonderful man, but I couldn't over look his flaw.  Just one.  I'm guessing I'm meant for someone with the same flaws and wonders that I have and someone who's flaws and wonders compliments mine. I have no idea what that is.  I have a really good idea what it isn't.  Who knows?  If you've met me, well, you know I'm truly one of a kind.  There's no one else even close.  At least he knew that.

So I'm trying to cope not with the loss of my friend.  I dealt with that in 2013 to early last year.  I missed him checking in on me.  I missed my friend, but I didn't miss the one.  I thought I'd be missing him the closer next month came.  I'm not.  I'm missing that I thought I'd already be married... to someone else.  I'd apologize to him if I could. I've already done so, made peace with it.  I just haven't made peace with next month I'd have married one of my friends just because I didn't marry someone else.  Didn't marry that one.  So yeah.  Jealous bitches, y'all still jealous???

Monday, January 9, 2017

Let me assess you....

It never ceases to amaze me at how many go with "first" impressions.  Admittedly, if you make my skin crawl when I first meet you, we're done.  I don't want to know you, and while I'll be polite, that will be as good as you ever get.  There have been very few people that hit this "first" impression with me.  Most people I assess over months.  I take in their good, their bad, their indifferent and decide what I think of them overall--flaws and all.  There are people I think the world of but don't really socialize with.  There are people I socialize with that I don't particularly care for, usually because of other mutual friends.  There are very few things that will make me completely dislike someone.  Lying is about the only thing that will immediately get a very negative response and most likely will get you cussed out.  I have zero tolerance for lying.  As far as first impressions, I'm generally spot on for the overall person, but I don't go by that alone.  My first impressions are based on one or two things that immediately caught me.  It takes a while to actually get to know someone--the nuances of a person--that make them different from everyone else that might be similar to them.  Each of us is actually completely different than another person, even with twins.  Our personalities while they may be similar are all based on our own life experiences and some people are just more interesting than others.  First impressions just don't do those that have a lot of life, regardless of age, justice.  

Shallow people tend to have very tiny opinions of other people, generally based on quick snap judgments.   I love when they try to share their opinions with me.  If I have already assessed you as shallow, then your opinion isn't falling on deaf ears.  However, if I get done with my assessment of whoever you were talking shit about doesn't match your opinion, well, then the next time I'm still listening.  But your opinion has zero value.  I'm using it to assess you.  Decide how shallow you are instead of it influencing me on whoever you happen to be talking about.  

Now, some people have earned my trust and I listen to their opinions and even take note to be cautious when they give me their opinion if it indicates that there is some risk to me.  But again, I'm still making my own opinion.  As I stated in a previous blog, I have friends that I trust them to have my back and yet I never trust their assessment of anyone.  They have proven to not have the best judgment of character.  That doesn't make them good or bad themselves.  It just means that they are either too easily swayed by other people's opinions or they don't pay a lot of attention to the people after they made their "first" impression.  Most of my friends know if I ask their opinion I'm trying to understand something about what's going on, but it doesn't mean that I'm taking their assessment and running with it.  

To be blunt, I have plenty of women over the years that have hated on me.   Several years ago, a really good friend got out of the Navy.  He and I had served together and he was heading back home after getting out.  He stopped to see me while I was going to college.  He and I went to a local bar, to shoot the shit, drink a couple of beers and reminisce about years gone by.  When I got up to go to the bathroom, a woman popped up from a table of 5 women and proceeded to tell him that I was the biggest whore in town and that I was "diseased".  My buddy was stunned, but then he was pissed.  He immediately told her that he had known me for years, that he knew damn well that I wasn't that way, and that she could take her trouble making ass back to her stupid jealous friends.  Apparently they were all nodding when he had glanced at them.  I came back as she was scampering back to the table of the other 4 like the rodent she was.  He told me and I wasn't surprised.  He was ill about it because he was like a brother.  He was a brother; we served together.  He wanted to go cuss the whole table.  Now, had he been someone who didn't actually know me, I wondered what a different guy would've thought...then I realized someone that shallow wouldn't be worth my effort anyway.  Anyway, those women and the others, male and female, that came before them, taught me to never ever trust someone else's opinion unless they have proven over and over and over to you that their opinions are worth them making up your mind for you.  

When I date someone, I'll take the same amount of time to assess them, although admittedly I usually haven't even come close to knowing what I think in the first couple months.  I have a friend that I had already assessed as smart.  I also know he could be a bit of a pig.  His reputation, as far as being extremely non-committal, has been shared over and over and over and over again.  So what?  If you haven't read my blog a lot, then you might think that should bother me.  But those who really know me well, know how floundering I can be on the commitment thing.  Come on.  I entered into an agreement to get married in some amount of years, with really zero intent of ever following through, because it was one of my best friends and mainly because I knew it would never happen.  Even in the past blogs, I talked about that "one" I thought might be the "one", well, I tell you it's as close as I've ever been.  Yet, when my sister asked me if I thought I would marry him when I was dating him, I hemmed and hawed, beating around the mulberry bush, and finally saying that I wasn't sure I ever wanted to get married again.  I'm sure a couple ex-boyfriends would describe me as technically unattainable.  I want to commit but then become very non-committal once I find something about that person that I don't want to "live" with.  Non-committal while unappealing to most might be part of my problem.  When the right one happens, that's all supposed to go away, right?  

People often wonder how I can have a couple ex-boyfriends as friends.  I tell them that it's because we never would've worked.  That is probably true, but it's also that I came to value them as a person and likewise.  I have friends that I love certain things about them, but other things?  Well, I have a friend who I adore, one of my best friends.  She's loud, fun, obnoxious at times.  It's great for a few hours here and there.  But I couldn't be her roommate.  Her friendship means the world to me though.  She's got a heart of gold and do anything to help a complete stranger.  But, I know she's not everyone's cup of tea.  There's nothing wrong with her.  She's just different than most people, but no one else has lived her life and they can't judge her even if they are shallow enough to try.  I have another friend who never lets anyone talk negative about me.  She simply will not allow it.  But she's also got the worst track record over the years I've known her in judging people's character.  Horrible.  She's been so far off base on multiple occasions with multiple people that I pretty much just ignore her assessments.  They are just always that far off base.  She has a very small circle of friends that have proven that her opinion of them is warranted, and the rest well, she seems to go whichever way the wind blows--even changing her assessment based on other things that have nothing to do with who someone is.  Another one with a good heart, and obviously since a good heart is pretty rare anymore, well, that factors in strongly in me considering her a friend.  Friendship is defined by the two people in the friendship.  Writing off a friendship because you don't like one thing about them but are cool with everything else doesn't make sense.  If you are a true friend, you should be a friend to the person, flaws and all.  

As far as my advice, make up your own mind.  Your best friends might know you, but they limit you if they expect you to agree with them.  If you have to have everyone else's approval of who you like or don't like, well, that's okay too.  Just try to remember everyone isn't that way and it kind of lacks depth.  Well, actually it does lack depth.  Friendship should be based on you and the person you might want to be friends with.  No one is everyone's cup of tea.  I don't really care anymore if someone assesses me incorrectly.  It defines who they are, not who I am.  The fact is I'm honest, straight forward, don't like to hurt anyone's feelings, and pretty smart overall.  I don't care if you call me names or make up stories to drag me down.  That's what teenagers do.  Perhaps, it's time for some people to grow up and be adults.  Don't let anyone else do the assessing for you--assess for yourself.  You might be missing out on some pretty cool people.    

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Don't let someone bring you down...

Sometimes, God immediately responds to my, what should we call it, naivete with a quick counter-response.  Yesterday's blog was brought on by a comment made by a guy that used to be friends with an ex-boyfriend.  They, the ex-boyfriend and he, haven't talked in years, but I have a very strict rule about not dating any of my exes' friends.  It's just not worth the headache.  It wouldn't matter in this case anyway; I'm not interested in the least.  I think of him as a friend, but of course, as sometimes happens with me, he doesn't really care that I'm not interested.  He's interested and the pointed comment that he made to me to make me feel how I did resulted in me realizing how indifferent I can feel about things.  If I'm being truly honest that indifference is really more directed towards him than anyone else.  As I opened, God likes to remind me (God, fate, whatever) that I actually do have an attraction to some guys and that there is zero indifference if there's that attraction.

Physical attraction is always a requirement.  It's not the most important thing though.  I'll admit I actually have to have some amount of physical attraction to be interested at all.  Oh yes, I know some people will say that is shallow, but it's just fact.  I think it's that way for most people; we just have different standards of what we do or don't find physically attractive.  It can vary from person to person.  I don't have a "standard" type.  I've dated blonde, brunette, husky, well built, average, blue eyes, brown eyes.  I do admit that I tend to initially favor someone with blue eyes, but as I've stated in previous blogs, this has more to do with my Granddaddy than anything.  After physical attraction, well, let's face it, there has to be more--substance.

What happened was that I got reminded how much a smart man attracts me.  I'm used to being one of the smartest people in the room and it's not really a blessing.  I don't bother trying to pretend that I'm stupid.  It's just not in my DNA.  At work, I'm usually surrounded by smart people, and it's probably why my career has been so important to me.  I joke that I can have my stupid conversations with my friends.  Each of my friends is smart, but most of them are not interested in as many things as I am.  It's not a requirement.  It's not even a requirement that my friends are smart even though the majority of them are definitely smarter than the average bear.  But to get my interest, capture it, well, I expect a man to be smart as me and preferably something that I'm not that smart at.  I mean, yes, common ground and some interests.  But wow.  When they open their mouths and they start going on and are smart???  I'll just sit there listening and am just blown away.  I forget how much of a turn on this is.  It's rare for me to be out with friends and get reminded that there are smart men out there.

So all the sudden, I'm sitting there and listening to this guy...I've known him for a while, and yes, I already knew he was smart.  He keeps talking and it hits me.  He's super smart.  I just listened and listened.  All the frustration based on what the earlier guy had said just went away.  Like I said, God, fate, whatever, just decided that I needed a reminder that I do not feel indifferent.  I feel indifferent when I'm not interested or have no potential of interest and someone leaps into the idea of trying to make me feel bad for not being interested.  Not to mention bringing up what used to be a gaping wound.  On the bright side, two things happened last night--one I am indifferent to what is gone.  It's gone and it's no longer making me miserable.  I'm also over the fact that I don't know if I'll ever have another relationship.  And then, in spite of pretty much feeling like crap after what one person said, I got reminded that the indifference I was feeling was about him--not about anyone else.  I can get excited over someone who I find attractive and interesting.

Like I said in the previous blog, I don't seem to be able to follow my own advice, but I also believe that there's a plan.  Not sure what that plan is.  Live my life day to day and just enjoy it.  But just because one person says something that frustrates me doesn't mean that I'm not interested in anyone.  I'm just not interested in him.  All I can say is that none of us should let one person, or even a group of people, that want us to be unhappy if they can't pick and choose who we should be with drag us down.  And, we should never let anyone that has hurt us--intentionally or not--dictate how we feel about our chances of finding our "one".  Don't let the past drag you down and don't let anyone make you feel like you won't find it.  They don't know anymore than you do.  

Friday, January 6, 2017

Two outta three ain't bad...

Anyone that reads my blogs knows that I was supposed to be married late next month to a friend who's long gone knows that it hasn't been easy on me.  He was a good friend, but while I loved him as a friend, I was never in love.  It was never going to happen.  I couldn't marry him anymore than Juliet could marry Hamlet.  But someone reminded me tonight that I really thought I had found the love of my life, years ago.  It doesn't even matter who anymore.  I mean... It should.  But.  Well, it doesn't.

Who I've become over the years just seems more and more indifferent.  I could easily tell you it's because I'm proud of who I am.  Truth be told, I've been proud of who I am before I even had my first child.  I'm a good person--heart of gold.  But I lost what I thought was "the" one.  He wasn't the one.  Who cares if he was?  What I lost is the faith there even is one.  Losing faith is the worst... and perhaps the best... thing that could ever happen.  I missed him for years.  The next guy I dated, for over a year plus, looked just like him.  It hurt for years.  Which is just hilarious or pathetic when I think about it because once I came home, I let it go like it never happened.  I'm not even sure how.  It just didn't matter anymore.

My heart, at best, tries.  But if I'm realistic, I just... Quit.  I've gotten used to jealous women and insecure men.   My friends have my back, both male and female.  I'm a tomboy.  And weirdly enough a girly girl.  I think if I was one or the other I'd have found my perfect match years ago.  Yet, truth is I'm just different.  I'm okay with that.  Being different works for me and, fortunately or unfortunately, it doesn't generally work for anyone else. 

For example, I'm the best at relationship advice according to all my guy friends. Yep.  Because I know what it's like to be a woman.  I also am great at relationship advice on how to deal with men acting like dumbasses... because all my friends, the ones I really talk to, are guys.  Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.  Hahahaha.  I can teach but my ass can't actually apply my successful advice in any way, shape or form.  I'm pathetic, amusing and awesome all in every word of advice
I ever give. 

What do I want?  Well, I really haven't given that any thought in years. I know I should.  I just don't.  I always thought as my boys got older it would just naturally happen.  But I think I've given up. Not like consciously but like sub consciously.  I just don't seem to care.  I don't even get excited when someone texts or calls.  And it's not like I'm not attracted to the guys that do.  I just don't care.  I try to.  I do.  But I feel like, "whatever bullshiter".  It's been like this for a couple years.  

Now maybe I can take the blame for dating someone who wasn't worth the effort.  But truth?  I felt that way before anyone.  I just didn't really admit it. There was one and only one.  I thought I found it and I was perfect until it tanked.  Then I was pathetic.  At that point I was still pretending that one wasn't the one.  Now, I know he wasn't and I've lost all faith. 

Yes, I love to tell all of you to have faith because I'm a hypocrite.  Or because I really, really want to believe.  I do. Yea. I really want to believe.  But do I?  Sigh.  For you?  Yes.  For me?  No.  Don't aspire to be me.  I'm apparently fucked up.  I'd tell you I'm a loser.  But, it all depends on what we are talking about. I'm a winner at life overall.  I'm pretty lucky when it comes to money.  I'm a fucking loser of the umpteenth class when it comes to love.  As Meatloaf sang, two outta three ain't bad.