Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Adoring the Donald.... The reality is setting in

This last week has been a roller coaster.  By the end of the week, I was thinking that our new POTUS has lost his mind.  Let's face it.  President Trump is still the Donald.  He was looking bummed after less than 2 weeks into his new Presidency.  He probably hadn't thought about how his entire life was going to change.  He just wanted to win.  He's never seemed to think that far ahead.  No more NYC nightlife.  No more being able to walk into his hotel bar and have people lining up to take pictures with him.  But now he's powerful.  The President of the United States is one of the most powerful people in the world.  This has concerned a lot of people since he announced his run for the Office.  But this week, I realized that the Donald is pretty simple.  He doesn't like to lose.  Many thought this meant he was a megalomanic.  I was concerned he might be.  Okay, I'm pretty sure that's a solid "no" now. 

So in the last week, he started "keeping" campaign promises.  First, he came out with an Executive Order for the "Wall".  As controversial as it has been it didn't seem to bother him.  The backlash was pretty severe from Mexico... Who cares?  But the response here in the States?  A huge backlash from how much money it would cost, how ridiculous it is to be spending money on it when the economy is the main issue, fear of terrorists next and the Wall?  A high dollar price tag with no return.  Next, another EO. Another campaign promise fulfilled. So important no one blinked, not even his adoring die hard Trump supporters.  And another.  Nothing.  Little blurbages in the news and moving on. 

Then he drops his biggest campaign promise of them all.  Denying Muslims entry to the USA.  But he only denies 7 countries, not including any he or his assets do business with, even though many of the countries are actually the ones with the money flowing to ISIS.  He gets it from all sides.  It didn't block all Muslims.  His loyal following is divided.  The GOP suddenly is mostly against him and all the Dems.  The backlash from Europe comes pouring out faster than he changes his mind.  The Donald boldly announces he's keeping his campaign promises.  A few adoring comments on social media here and there but for the most part, backlash, and lots of it. 

The new POTUS is beside himself. His best buddy through the election who was named Chief of Staff, Bannon, is still petting his favorite POTUS's ego, and the Donald rewards him--with a position in the National Security Committee.  Unprecedented.  Scary.  The man, Bannon, has no real qualifications to be Chief of Staff.  The position is supposed to be the gate keeper to the Oval Office, the person who appeases the media when needed, strokes and smooths the rough edges when the President gets short with minority party leaders or even majority party leaders.  He's the one who's supposed to make sure where, when, what, who.  Obama's Chief of Staff, according to Bob Woodward's books, was one of the biggest problems in the Obama White House.  She blocked anyone she didn't like and was notorious to listen to the First Lady over all others.  So his selection has given a lot of people pause because like her he's got some weird ideas compared to the average Americans' points of view.

Like President Obama's Chief of Staff, Bannon is known for his racist views.  She leaned far left racist and he leans far right racist.  In addition, his far right zealot views both from his time with Breitbart and from his far right tripe movies that he made make even the moderate conservatives shake.  His appointment was not palatable to the Dems but to most of middle America, if they're still paying attention, was not the "best" choice.  In fact, most Americans that realized who he was were concerned, even many who voted for Trump. 

Yet Bannon knows his audience, and it's not America.  It's Trump.  And a stroke of the fur in the right direction is all that's needed.  The Donald was down and his Chief of Staff assured him he was fine, as he has consistently from the start of the bid for the White House.  The rewards with the Donald are usually pretty good when you make him happy, so the Donald rewarded his Chief of Staff with a seat on the NSC...

In the same stroke, President Trump also removed the Director of Intelligence and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs from the NSC.  The backlash had been massive, even from the GOP, Allies, and more than 60% of the American public.  The bombardment on social media was shocking.  How dare he remove those two?  And what the hell is Bannon doing there?  The "removal" of the two is not unprecedented, but Bannon who has zero intelligence experience, a minimal 4 years as a peon in the military, and a tripe movie and news maker (not even a journalist), this seemed insane. The backlash was even more frightening. 

The Donald doesn't like to admit to  mistakes.  I've told people he'll never do it.  It's just not who he is.  He said anything to win the Presidency.  He won.  Whatever he said in his mind is dead and buried, move on.  Until, he needs to feel adored.  Last week, he needed that adoration. He thought announcing he's keeping his promises with 4 EOs would help.  The adoration fell short.   Our Donald needs a lot of petting. 

So two things happened to our poor new POTUS last week.  He didn't get praised by masses like he had hoped after his latest Executive Orders and the backlash from his decisions on the NSC.  He just didn't know what to do.  Panic probably set in.  This isn't a megalomanic.  A megalomanic would be scrambling for more power.  He's not.  Obama when faced with the same slaps insisted everyone follow him.  Do as I say. You must. You will. You have to.  Our Donald?   I'm keeping promises. I'm doing what I said. Look. Look.  Look. He's waiting on praise like anyone who needs adoration. 

No one knows who all the initial choices were for SCOTUS.  We can safely assume they were a diverse group.  President Trump is known in the past to like a lot of controversy and options amongst his decisions.  This is both scary and unpredictable.  Most expected his first SCOTUS choice to be someone who would be rejected almost immediately.  Yet, he took some serious punches last week when he was most likely expecting fireworks and celebrations.  His SCOTUS decision is not one that will piss off moderates.  Moderate, middle of the road Americans cannot complain.  The one he chose is known to side with gun owners.  He's also known to side with religious freedoms.  He's what I would call a true solid conservative Constitutionalist. 
(NOTE:. This should not be mixed up with conservative politics. Not sure when the two deviated, but it is what it is.)
He won't make the far right zealots happy.  He won't make the far left zealots happy.  He believes the Constitution should be interpreted as written.  Freedom of Speech. Freedom of Religion.  The Right to Bear Arms.  The Fifth Amendment.  He'll back some politically liberal ideas and some politically conservative ideas.  And most of both will be what mainstream Americans want.  President Trump deserves kudos for this choice.  He's a great choice for Scalia's replacement.  That's right.  GREAT CHOICE FOR ALL OF US.  

Okay, so even a blind horse can find water sometimes.  But our President reminds me of another President who he shared years and years of friendship with.  President Clinton. Billy Boy didn't like to be in the wrong side of the majority of Americans, even when that meant pissing off other Dems.  The far right zealots went after him with a passion and I have no doubt that he and his wife are criminals (possibly more she than he), but regardless, President Clinton governed by polls.  Didn't always result in the best decisions long term.  He and Speaker Gingrich are the real people to blame for the real estate bubble that burst taking automotive and other industries with it.  However, our Donald is very much an ego.  He wants to be adored.  Billy wanted popularity.  What's the difference?  Minor to us. What's it mean??

Well, that means President Trump needs the adoration of way, way more than the 10% of Americans that voted for him.  Only 10% voted for him because they are devout true Trumpites.  The other 35% hated the bitch more.  Almost 10% of us voted for neither and 45% voted for the Clinton.  But only 10% of them were devout Clinton followers.  Like our new POTUS, 35% of them only voted for her because they didn't want him.  So what's our poor new President to do?  How can he gain the adoration he craves when the rest of his life will be surrounded by Secret Service?  No NYC clubbing.  No whims.  Constant planning.  This has not been his life. It is now and for the rest of his life.  How does he get the 75% to 85% of us to adore him? 

The right choice for SCOTUS.  The right choices for the majority of us. That's how.  And this week.  He started with SCOTUS and today, just this morning, he announced he will not rescind LGBT rights granted by the Federal government.  No doubt his SCOTUS pick explained the nuisances.  For all of the Donald's faults, his "fault" to be praised and adored will trump, pun intended, any lip service he gave to get elected.  He may turn into the most popular President since Reagan. 

Oh no, I have no qualms that he has a long, long, LONG road to traverse before that happens.  But his SCOTUS pick and the LGBT rights are a step in the right direction.  He's starting to realize the zealots may have helped him win, but if he wants the majority of us to really love him, he's going to need to win the majority of us over.  He wants us to forgive and forget what he said during the election.  I think he's just figured out that, because he needs adoration, the right way to that is to give the majority what we want.  We don't want zealots. We want middle of the road.   We want equal rights. We want less government. We want gun rights. We want religious freedom. We want the economy fixed.  We want DC to do their jobs.  I'm not saying to those of you that hate him to give him a pass.  No. He needs to know and he like Clinton is paying attention.  Not to polls but social media.  I'm not saying those of us that didn't want either to get all excited either, but Judge Gorsuch is someone that Johnson would've considered.  And those Clinton voters that voted against him, I know y'all will be the hard sell, but admit it. If he were to dial back on the support of Israel, and/or fix the economy, and/or not take more Sioux land... Well, he'd win you too.  The die hard Clinton fans, well, you'll probably be shit out of luck.  He'll try because that's who he really is.  He needs to be adored.  Bottom line, he's not a megalomanic.  He doesn't crave power. He craves love and attention--probably like most kids who's parents tossed them into a boarding school and nannies. 

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

I've reached my limit...Shut it Aunt Tom...

I've voted every year since I was 18.  I literally would've been Alex P Keaton and voted with fake ID when I was younger if I could've pulled it off.  So over the years I've known plenty of people that have no real interest in the political system and never wanted or tried to vote.  Pretty much every one of them from 30 something to 80 something voted this election.  What I have found out about most of them--they are dumbasses.  They know nothing about the political process.  They could care less if the choices of their elected officials are what what they want them to be.  Which is funny as hell when you consider that they wanted a change--elected officials that are listening.  Some dumb bitch told me on friend's social media post that she "trusted" the new President to choose wisely so she had no idea what choices he's made.  Hilarious.  Considering she only voted because she was told by others that she should be tired of not being listened to and politicians not doing what we "wanted" them to do.  How the hell do you trust them to do what you want?  You just trust they will??  After voting because they didn't do what they promised and you're still not paying attention??  Newsflash:  That is how they keep doing whatever they want.  Because people like this idiot just  "trust" them after they are elected.  I was blown away.  Welcome to the world where half plus don't pay attention.  It's hilarious.  They point fingers at each other.  It's their neighbor's fault.  It's their Dem neighbor's fault.  It's their GOP neighbor's fault.  It's they voted conservative politics and everyone else is evil.  It's they voted liberal politics and everyone else is evil.  Idiots.  

So the women's march....We are not equal.  It isn't democrat.  In fact, women that voted for Trump actually marched too.  Yep, look it up.  It isn't republican.  It isn't liberal politics.  It isn't conservative politics.  It isn't politics at all.   They want women to believe it is.  They want everyone to believe it is.  They wanted in the 70s for women to believe that the only women that wanted "equal" were dykes.  In the 80s, we, mostly GenX, bought this bullshit because we were told to.  But GenX women were raped at rates of 3 out of 4--75%.  We almost all knew our assailant.  Millenials are raped at a rate of 3 out of 5.  We are not equal.  That's not equal.  We would love to pretend we are.  It's not even close.  And, before you pat yourself on the back because of some shitty meme you saw telling you what men who rape complete strangers are looking for...Guess what?  Rape by an unknown assailant is still less than 12%.  Women do not normally get raped by people we don't know.  Your daughters, your granddaughters get raped by someone they know at 3 out of 5.  You have 5 granddaughters?  Odds are 3, yes 3, will be raped before they are 25.  You can bitch about how the most recent attempt at bringing women's rights to the forefront is about a man.  No.  It's about defending our daughters, our granddaughters and other women.  

Oh, yes, the women's march.  It was only the next try in the last 50 years.  The women's march has been done over and over and over.  Look up the Million Man march.  You'll see all kinds of photos and articles for the black version of the million man march.  The original, look up 1920s Million Man March.  You'll find hundreds upon hundreds of pictures of when the KKK marched on Washington.  Bet many didn't even know that there were 2 Million Man marches.  Yet, women have marched on Washington in the 70s, the 80s, the 90s, the first 10 years of the new millennium AND this past weekend.  Do a search.  Good luck finding any information on those other ones.  This is probably the only one that you'll find any information about.  So, the current President said some really nasty things about women during the election.  The women that planned the march, well, they decided to take advantage of the media coverage.  Can you blame them?  We've been lucky to get local coverage--national?   Pish posh.  But this time, we got national and a lot of it, and if that brings a lot of the inequities and issues with women's rights to the attention of people who have literally spent decades ignoring it, then that's a good thing.  

When Nancy Reagan attempted to speak out against rape, allowing women to choose how our bodies were treated, and pushing for laws to make date rape a felony, the women, the Baby Boomer women, that could have made a difference were too busy with their "freed" sexuality to give a shit about their daughters or granddaughters.  There were still blue book laws that said their husbands could rape them legally even if separated.  They didn't want to talk about rape.  And when you did, it was always the woman's fault for being raped.  Baby Boomer women had a chance to change it, but it was the Nancy Reagan generation, the Silent Generation women that made the last real changes.  When they left the political scene, the changes stopped.   The last blue book law allowing a man to rape his wife was eliminated in 1991.  Shortly before the end of the last Silent Generation Presidency--Bush Sr.  

The estimate is that 95-97% of all Baby Boomer women were raped.  GenX estimates are at 75%.  And our children, your grandchildren, granddaughters, they estimate 3 out of 5--60%.  I don't know how anyone could find that acceptable.  I find it nauseating.  How is it okay that 60% of women under the age of 25 (because that's what they always base these stats on) will or have been raped?  Oh right.  I forgot.  That victim is the perpetrator logic.  We asked for it.  They asked for it.  You asked for it.  Maybe the Baby Boomers did, but I promise GenX didn't and neither are the Millennials or subsequent generations.  If a woman reported rape in the 80s and 90s, they were guaranteed to be ostracized.  Guaranteed to be blamed.  And worse, since 88% of all rapes are by someone we know, the rape victims were often portrayed as liars that wanted it but cried wolf after because this or that or whatever--some lame brain idiotic thing meant to make the victim into a villain--as if being raped wasn't bad enough.  We, women, men, all of us, have failed miserably and many women are still making excuses that put other women in their places like some twisted version of Munchhausen syndrome.  But if you are a grandmother of Millennials, think about this one:  If you have 5 granddaughters, current statistics say 3 of them will be raped.  Are you ready to stop playing Aunt Toms and start defending other women for the sake of your granddaughters?

Oh I know.  Many of them argue it's not the same anymore.  Rapists go to prison.  No, they don't.  97% of all men arrested for rape never spend a single day in jail.  That's right NINETY SEVEN PERCENT.  994 out of 1000 charged rapists never will see the inside of a jail cell.  Let that sink in.  Hell, just last year, a star college tennis player or track or whatever, raped a girl he saw at a party by drugging her and following her.  Two other men caught him, held him until police arrived, testified at this jerk's trial, and he got 6 months.  Even more heinous, reduced to 3 months for good behavior.  GOOD BEHAVIOR?  What message do you think this kind of crap sends to young women?  Hell, any women?  

How does this stuff still happen?  The Aunt Toms.  You know those women that ask what she was wearing.  Ask why was she even at that party.  What kind of student was she?  What kind of family does she have?  Just love that one.  Like if she came from a poor family she might be asking for it more than a rich girl would.  How come she was alone?  Insinuating that being alone somehow is offering herself up.  What kind of sexual partners has she had?  Is she promiscuous?  Ugh, NO is still NO no matter what she did in her past.  The Aunt Toms actually will victimize the victim even more than the rapist did.  

So the Aunt Toms this week wanted to make the newest women's march, all of it--the only ever to receive full national coverage from the media into some vested interest in Trump.  But even women who voted for Trump, wearing their Trump hats, joined the march.  Yes, fact.  There were even pictures of them in the national media.  The march was about women.  Our rights.  The things we are still denied by our own country.  We no longer can be legally raped by our husbands, and we probably have a better chance of getting an abusive rapist husband convicted than we would an acquaintance or complete stranger.  How sad is that?  We only have a 3% chance of being given justice by our justice system.  Think about that.  Your daughters, your granddaughters, your friends, your loved ones--only a 3% chance of getting a conviction and justice.  

This version of responding to rape:  you asked for it, you wanted it, you wished, you were in the wrong place, you should've, you could've, you, you. you.  It devalues another woman; it devalues all of us.  This women's march, while we don't have to agree with everything some of them said or did, the facts stand.  Domestic violence is still huge.  Rape is still huge.  The inequities in salaries are still huge.  Sexual harassment is still huge.  We are out of the industrialized nations on this planet number one per capita for rape.  Let that sink in.  Number one.  We devalue our women as much and in some casees more than many extremist religious countries do.  

The women that marched and many of us that didn't no longer view rape this way.  The victim of rape did nothing wrong.  It doesn't matter what you were wearing.  We don't care if you have slept around.  You have the right to say no.  The #womensmarchonwashington was about all women having the right to be who you are without the fear of being treated as less.  We are not meat.  We have the right to equality under the law.  Only 3% conviction rates or six months in a correctional facility is NOT equality under the law.  We have the right to say no and the right to be believed. The Baby Boomer grandmothers would die metaphorically if they knew their granddaughters were raped.  Many of them would probably die if they knew their daughters were--and the statistics are 3 out of 4 of their daughters were.  What this march was about???  We stand beside you.  We would fight for you and we would not back down.  We are united as women to end rape.  We are united to end the inequity in the law that allows almost all rapists to walk free.  Here's the biggest change of all.  Many men, especially those that have little girls, are just as committed to ending this now that they know the facts.  Make no mistake, Aunt Toms need to leave well enough alone.  You have been the problem.  We are no longer okay accepting that rape is a norm for the majority of women.  

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Still hoping I'm wrong....

Since I didn't vote for either of the major party candidates, I have the luxury of telling anyone that voted for either candidate their behavior during the election and now after is atrocious.  I didn't vote for Trump, but he's President of the United States now.  I didn't vote for Obama either.  But he was President of the United States.  Some of you really need to learn to respect the Office even if you don't like the man.  Period.  Quit finger pointing and acting like little toddlers fighting over a new toy.  You look like dumbasses on BOTH sides of the fence.  Believe me--those of us that are stuck in the middle are sick of both of you.  And by you I mean you all as a collective.

First, if you are a Trump voter, the majority of you die hard followers were obnoxious during the election.  Please do not pretend that you don't remember it that way.  You were.  You screamed at anyone that said they wouldn't vote for Trump.  Clinton supporters didn't.  YOU DID.  You insulted.  Some of you physically attacked people who didn't agree with you.  Many of you were so obnoxious even I wanted to deck you and I'm not a Clinton supporter.  You didn't appreciate anyone else's point of view and it is still showing in some of you even now.  "We are all Americans" Trump said in his speech yesterday.  But you are still the first ones telling other people to shut up, suck it up, and taunting people who disagree with you.  You are not acting like Americans.  You didn't obviously appreciate those words.  To you by the way you act those words only apply to you.  Also, you whined and whined and whined that the system was rigged before the election.  Don't remember that?  I remember several of you doing this.  But it wasn't now, was it?  So telling the other side of the fence to shut up about it not being fair???  Hell, you did it and you hadn't even lost yet.  How much more obnoxious can some of you be??  You don't like the protests?  Yet, many of you protested Obama.  Many of you called him n*gger, tar baby, and whole slew of other racist slurs.  Hell, I've even heard those slurs in the last couple weeks and seen them on social media.  It's still on some of your FB pages.  Yet, I find it laughable that the same people are demanding respect for the new President.  It's baffling what a bunch of hypocrites you are.  

As for you Clinton supporters, you are acting exactly like the Trump supporters did before the election.  It's embarrassing.  You were all so quick to point out when the Trump supporters were acting ridiculous and now you are doing it yourselves.  Unbelievable. Same bs--opposite side of the fence.  I'd berate you, but I already did in perfect words.  Just put Clinton or Obama in the above paragraph and  switch the word "during" to "after" the election and BAM!  That's you now.  

It basically comes down to one thing my Grams always used to say, "Two wrongs don't make a right."  Many of us wanted Obama gone and pretty much no one imagined, even Trump's own supporters, that he was actually going to be the one sworn in yesterday.  Truth is that President Trump owes his Presidency to Obama.  Obama didn't listen to us, the people, and that's why almost half of the country voted against anymore Obama.  Am I convinced that Trump is the devil?  Nope.  I don't think Obama was either.  But Obama, no matter what any of you die hard supporters want to say lacked true leadership skills.  He is smart, and a good husband and father.  But he told people what to do, and well, as Americans, we just don't actually like that.  In every single State of the Union address he would use the words "you will", "you must", "you have to"....That's not leadership.  A true leader makes you want to follow him or her because they a worthy of following--not because you are told you have to.  Now, truth be told we have no idea what kind of President Trump will be.  So acting out makes no sense.  Yes, he said some hateful things during his campaign and he's not going to apologize.  That's the kind of person he is.  It won't happen.  Tough twinkies.

We don't know if Trump's going to be a good or bad President either.  Similar to Obama, he has no real political experience.  Obama really had almost none.  Trump has even less.   We already lived 8 years of a smart man with no leadership skills do a terrible job and his fan base still screaming how great he was.  Pretty much exactly like Trump supporters are acting now.  Is Trump a smart man?  He's not stupid, but he is an ego maniac.  By all accounts including his ex wives and current wife, he doesn't like to lose.  This might be okay, but we won't know for a while.  The next few months are going to let us know.  Does he have leadership skills?  By most accounts, this is debatable.  Some have said he does; many have said he doesn't.  The other day a political strategist compared Trump's win to Reagan's first win.  President Reagan didn't win by a very large majority either.  Yet, 4 years later, Reagan was so popular, he took 49 of 50 states in the election.  Reagan immediately went to making the people, all the people not just the ones that voted for him, feel like he was there for all Americans.  This is something the new President isn't doing.  I've heard the arguments that he doesn't have to.  I heard those same arguments 8 years ago.  Obama didn't have to, according to the hypocrites on the other side of the fence.  So making those same arguments isn't convincing any of us that didn't vote for Trump.  It's ridiculous.  

Why didn't I vote for Trump?  I wasn't convinced that he wouldn't be just like Obama--the white GOP version.  I'm still not convinced.  He seems to be making the divide greater and greater and playing only to his voting base, pretty much exactly like Obama did.  Here's what Obama, his supporters and Trump and his supporters seem to forget.  The office is called President of the United States.  Not President of the Dems or the GOP.  It's not even called President of the People or these People not those People.  The United States.  That actually means all of us.  President for all Americans, whether we voted for him or not.  Please spare me the ridiculous argument that he's not going to please everyone.  I've heard that shit for 8 years now and I'm sick of hearing it.  I sure didn't want Clinton in office because I have become so sick of hearing it.  So I definitely don't want to hear it from a whole new base of groupies.  So far, this Presidency is looking like at least 4 more years of divide.  

Meanwhile, no one is actually paying attention to the confirmation hearings for the Cabinet.  These are literally more important to you and I and our every day lives than any elected official.  They make and manage all kinds of regulations and rules that you and I have to live by.  Laws that get passed very rarely have the details of implementation in them.  Who do you think implements them?  A lot of it gets implemented by various departments all lead by....Secretaries of the President's Cabinet.  The new President has a very questionable one selected for Secretary of Education.  Her plans will derail public schools.  The impact could be huge.  The new President promised to reverse many of Obama's Executive Orders.  Many of us want a lot of the healthcare measures gone and some of those are through EOs.  Yet, the first one he signs a reversal for?  To increase FHA/HUD mortgages which means those of you with FHA/HUD mortgage loans will pay an average of $900 more per year for your mortgage.  Dr. Ben Carson for Housing and Urban Development?  He's a neurosurgeon with no experience in Housing and Development.  None.  How is this a good choice?  And my personal favorite--the major stockholder, Chairman of the Board and CEO of Exxon Mobil for Secretary of State--the Secretary that negotiates prices and treaties with other countries.  Oil is a very widely used commodity in this country--not just for gasoline and other fuels.  It's used for oils (obviously), plastics (everything from the Rubbermaid in your kitchen to tires to the panels used for solar power), asphalt(roads, parking lots), benzene (used in the manufacture of aspirin, drugs, detergents, lubricants, pesticides), nylon (pantyhose, parachutes, toothbrushes--so many things are made from nylon this list could go on for days just for this one), paraffin wax (candles, crayons), chicle (chewing gum), polyester (ummm, probably more than half the clothes in your closet), propylene glycol (lipstick, vasoline, eye make up remover)....Imagine the money this man could make by helping drive up oil prices?????  Do you really trust him to take care of us over using his office as a way to increase his own wallet?  Think of all those things that could increase in cost that you use and buy every day....are you sure this is the right choice?   

So basically while you are pointing fingers at each other, pretty much business as usual for most of you now, you're missing the big picture.  From my point of view, we are off to another 4 years of bs--just with a white GOP Obama.  I'm still hoping I'm wrong.  Maybe the hypocrites on both sides will just read this and finally stop.  I doubt it.  It's looking like the new American way is hypocrite whine and ignore cheese.   

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

A refreshing shot of whiskey

Over the years I've always thought I'd be married by now.  I mean, honestly, I never planned on actually marrying my friend.  Ten years is a long time to make a promise and I just never thought I'd have to.  The deal was we'd only marry if I was still single.  I simply didn't think 10 years would go by and I wouldn't be.  I always thought once my boys were grown I'd have found the right one and settled in, got married and been living the next chapter of my life.  Well, obviously as much as I've been whimpering over this in the recent weeks, that hasn't happened.  So I'm trying now that I've accepted that it hasn't, well, why not?

Well, my personal favorite that I've heard over the last few weeks--I'm intimidating.  Which here's my response:  bullshit.  It's got nothing to do with that.  I know plenty of women that like fishing, are totally redneck, smoke, chew, cuss, dress like women, and there are plenty of memes claiming this is totally awesome.  So I'm that girl who loves football, soccer, auto racing, motorcycles, cars, hockey and I dress totally like a girl.  I can cuss like a sailor and prefer beer or whiskey.  Pretty much still hot according to memes if you fish.  So what's the difference?  Oh right.  The intimidation factor.  What's really intimidating?  I have my life together.  I'm not the damsel in distress.  I'm not pretending to like what any guy likes just to make him happy.  But guess what?  Most of the time this is all lies anyway.  I know plenty of women that have told me that they love fishing.  Really?  Where's your favorite spots in the area?  They have no idea or they prefer to fish on a boat.   Oh really?  Do you own a boat?  Nope.  Ever owned a boat?  Just fish on the side of the lake off the road?  Do you fish when you go out with your fri
ends?  No.  NO.  Nope.  In fact, the only time they have ever fished is with a man.  So here's what actually intimidating about me.  I really don't like fishing, and I will say so.  I know how. I don't need a man to go fishing.  I took my boys fishing when they were younger all the time--until they about drowned me because of a fight they got into on a stream up near the North Carolina border.  (Yes, the drowning is an exaggeration...but I was soaked.)  I can bait a hook with corn, salmon eggs, sardines, lures, and little live bait (another one of my least favorite things in the world).  I really only like to fish to drink beer or sunbathe.  Yep, that's it.  So you want to know what makes me intimidating?  I don't like something--I simply say so.

Imagine that?  Just being honest.  That's me almost all the damn time--probably too honest as a couple different friends tell me.  What's wrong with that?  No one ever says being honest is intimidating.  But that's really what it is for people that can't be honest.  Why am I still single?  Well, in hindsight, my stepmother and I didn't get along.  My father's relationship with me was damaged for decades.  Yes, that's right decades.  Eventually Daddy and I made peace and even became close again.  But the years we missed?  Well, no reason to cry over spilled milk.  Yet, in all honesty, it's probably why most guys I've dated seriously have crashed and burned.  No one is interfering with my relationship with my boys.  Now they are grown men, for the most part, I had always thought I would have a relationship once raising them was completed for the most part.  But before that, if a guy didn't get along with my kids, or there were issues that would be bad for my kids or my relationship with my kids, my immediate response was adios, auf weidersehen, bye bye.  No child deserves to be cut off from their parents--I don't care who you are, natural parent or not.  The last guy I dated seriously liked drama--even dragging his own daughter into the drama once.  My boys hated him.  He'd brag how much they liked him to everyone--including me (which was laughable)--the whole time my boys all telling me that if I kept dating him they were not going to be around much.  They learned to be honest with me because I always tried to maintain a good honest example for them.  

So my boys interfere someone once asked?  No.  They have liked a couple of guys I've dated, but I was cautious that they didn't meet anyone until it got serious when they were younger.  As my boys got older, they actually started to worry about me being alone.  So most of the time, they are actually happy if I'm dating someone.  The only time they aren't happy with the idea is when they observe the guy treating me like crap.  Even when I dated someone who's behavior was questionable, the boys rarely observed it when they were younger.  I didn't permit that in my boys life.  Nothing put someone out the door faster.  Is that intimidating?  I hope so.  When they were younger, I was the only one there for them 100% of the time, and if their needs coming first was intimidating, then so be it.  

That's not to say that I don't put my significant other ahead of them when warranted or even ahead of myself.  I certainly did that with the last guy I dated seriously and all that got me was a jerk who took advantage of my generosity while accusing me of taking advantage of him (when he didn't even work most of the time), treating me like crap, getting into arguments with my youngest son, my two older sons eventually hating his guts, and more drama than a teenage girl permanently on her period.  Does that change that I like to be spoiled and like to do things special for someone I'm with?  No.  Just means that when someone proves unworthy, then it's time to cut them loose--no matter how much you don't want to be alone.  Is knowing when to call it quits intimidating?  Maybe.  But being alone is way, way better than being miserable.  

Am I interested in being a sugar mama, babying a man to the point of almost being his mother, dealing with laziness, or putting up with disrespect or a moocher?  A man who said "not just no, but hell no" to a woman acting like that would never be questioned--that wouldn't be intimidating.  So why would it be when a woman draws that same line?  It shouldn't be.  I don't want to be treated like crap and I've accomplished a lot in my life.  From my point of view, I deserve the same amount of respect as any man that can say the same.  It's not intimidating.  It's just putting limitations on how we are willing to be treated.  

So, I really don't care what anyone says about "intimidating" anymore.  I have a lot of male friends.  They aren't intimidated by me.  So there's absolutely no way that I'm actually intimidating.  There might be men that don't want a woman with her shit together.  That's fine.  They might not like a woman who has a lot of male friends.  That's fine too.  I'm not giving up my friends because a guy is too insecure to the point of being controlling.  It might even bother them that I know how to change a tire, know how to change my own oil, and actually have an obsession for some sports.  In all honesty, I hate changing my own oil and sports are way, way more fun when you have someone to enjoy them with.  If being honest and saying when I don't like something is intimidating, oh well. If that's so intimidating, then I'm simply not your cup of tea.  I'm probably someone else's refreshing shot of whiskey.  

Saturday, January 14, 2017

We are not the herd....

"What in the hell are you talking about?"  I swear to God sometimes that's what I want to say to some people.  Over the last 20 months, this country became so polarized I thought I was on the verge of either being in a militant version of socialism (communism) or a militant version of religious zealots (fascism).  They said about 70% of us didn't want Clinton or Trump.  Let that settle in for a moment.  That means that 35%, roughly, voted for one because they didn't want the other more and vice versa.  So for those that genuinely expected something new--from either side-quit whining.  BOTH sides!!  We the other 70% are sick of hearing about it.  I don't know if my words will represent that other 70% but I'm guessing that a good percentage of it will feel like I do.  Shut up.  Enough.  I don't care that Clinton lost.  I didn't want her anyway.  I don't care that Trump won.  We knew one of them would win.  I didn't want him either.  Unlike you assholes who said your vote didn't  matter before election day because it was rigged in Clinton's favor?  Guess what?  Shut up.  You were wrong.   For you idiots that are whining that Trump cheated?  Guess what?   Shut up.  You were claiming it was a good system until you lost.  No one, well, at least 70% of us don't want to hear it anymore.

Here's the thing.  While you dumb whiny bitches, oh yes--definitely bitches, keep crying over whether you like or don't like the President elect...Guess what?  It doesn't matter.  If you love him, think he's going to be the best thing since George Washington himself, guess what?  It doesn't matter.  He doesn't have to do anything he promised to do.  Why?  Because you're so busy patting yourselves on the back and arguing over something that is over that you wouldn't know if he was doing what he promised or not.  Stupid.  Stop it.  It's over.  It's like watching other Raiders fans start bragging about our last Super Bowl win in 1984!!!  AND I'm a Raiders fan!!  You look pathetic bragging about a win that now doesn't matter again for 4 years!!  I mean seriously.  Do you brag about the Super Bowl win for months on end?  (Other than to razz your best friend when the season starts back?)  NO, of course not.  That would make you look like an idiot...and yes, you look like an idiot going on and on about how proud you are of the new President elect.  Know why?  Because he hasn't actually done anything yet.  The Super Bowl winners are winners until the next season starts.  He's only just started.  He's not a winner until he proves he can do the job.  BAM!

Oh, and don't think for one minute I'm cutting any of you whiny Clinton fans a break here.  Enough.  She lost, fair and square, and you were perfectly fine if it would've been her that had won the electoral college and lost the popular vote.  We all know that, because those arguments were made by your camp before election day.  So guess what?  Shut up.  She lost.  It's over, and 70% of us don't care that you got your feelings hurt because she lost.  Tough twinkies.  Man up.  God knows you expected us to suck up another Obama win when 80% of Americans were opposed to Obamacare.  Know why?  Well for me and 60% of working Americans, it took our "Cadillac" plans away and made it basically illegal for our companies to even offer us them through steep fines.  Oh but gave those same "Cadillac" plans to people who didn't work at all.  In fact, if you actually were working, you couldn't afford the premium for the "Cadillac" plans.  Nope.  You actually had to be so damn poor you weren't working at all.  (Know this for a fact, because a friend's income was too high and she with her two dependents was technically still lower income.)   SO...shut up.  That pissed us off and most of us wanted a change.  It shouldn't surprise you at all that enough people were mad that Obama wasn't listening to what we wanted.  Why are you whining still?  Is it really because you are upset over the win?  Or is it that you know that over 60% of us wanted Obama to stop doing certain things and now you realize that Trump might do the same to you?  I mean really.

Now here's what both sides of the whiners have in common.  You don't know when to shut up.  Much like Trump.  The man constantly knee jerk reacts on Twitter like a teenage girl.  Oh yes, even you Trump haters, you whine as much as he tweets stupid shit--possibly more.  We don't care.  BUT here's the real problem with both sets of you idiots.  You are making the rest of America complacent.  You are helping in the dumbing down of this Great Nation.  No?  Basically 70% of us don't want to hear it anymore.  It's a proven fact--through statistical theory that goes back more than half a century--that over time only 2% will continue to pay attention.  The rest will get so sick of the rhetoric that they will just tune it all out.  I'm one of the 2%.  I'm watching Trump.  You know why?  He's the President elect, and whether you like it or not his decisions will affect all of us.  Spare me the "oh the stuff they do doesn't affect my daily life" crap.  All of us were impacted by Obamacare and the majority were not impacted for the better.  Period.  So YES, EVERYTHING they do affects us.

It's time you stop arguing over bullshit and start looking at your neighbors and realize we all have a LOT of common ground.  Common ground?  Yes.  We ALL are sick of House Congressmen and women making $174,000 for 4 months of work.  The average American makes approximately $52,0000 per year for working an average of 50 weeks a year--versus less than 20 weeks.  Trump promised to end the corruption.  Promised to end the pork bellies.  Promised to make them do their jobs.  Unless you are making the equivalent of $174K per 4 months of work, then shut up and start paying real attention to what's going on.  Let me put this in perspective for you.  These assholes we elect make a minimum of what would be $522,000 a year if they were actually working as hard as you do.  Do you think that's fair?  Oh, but you're so busy whining about Clinton's loss or whining that Trump won so brag, brag, brag, that you are failing miserably to see the forest through the trees.  Trust me.  They love you to do this.  Why?  Because the rest of us just want all of you to shut up.  We don't want to hear it anymore.  In the process, you are making all of us ignore what's actually going on as much as you are.

For those that are getting complacent because you don't want to hear it anymore.  I'm not leaving you out.  I'm one of the 2%.  I'll be paying attention when you have shut it out.  You are just as much the problem as anyone.  You don't want to tell them to stop.  You don't want to keep up with the issues anymore either.  You've got everyday problems and the election is over.  But, if you're like me, Obamacare did affect your every day--by affecting your paycheck, your ability to receive healthcare, and how much you have to come out of pocket if anything happens.  It affected how much groceries you're buying every week.  That's right.  Let that sink in.  And it was your complacency that let it happen.  Yes, it was.  When people tried to warn you to call your Representatives and Senators, did you?  Most of you didn't.  Most of you were too complacent to bother.  Start paying attention.  The President elect has been picking his Cabinet nominees.  These people will affect your daily life more than any of our elected officials. Yes, fact.  VA?  Appointees.  HUD?  Appointees.  Education?  Appointees.  Federal Reserve?  They control interest rates and the dollar and guess what?  Completely controlled by...APPOINTEES.  Pay attention.  These choices will dictate most of our daily lives for the next 4 to 8 years.  Sure.  You say well if you don't like it in 4 years you can vote him out.  Bet you said that about Obama too.  How'd that work out for us??

Maybe this will fall on deaf ears.  But those of you that are being complacent, time to get up, pay attention, ignore the whiners on both sides, or better yet, grow some balls and remind them that the election is over and time to pay attention to what is going on with the new Congress and the President elect.  Remind them that all their bickering is what got us into this mess in the first place.  It's not us against them.  It's not they are wrong and we are right, or vice versa.  It's about making sure that we know that the people we elected are listening to us, that we are not us bickering or shutting down and letting them do whatever the hell they want.  Time to "cowboy up" as a friend of mine likes to say and make sure wherever the people we elected are trying to drive the herd is where the herd actually wants to go.  Because guess what?  We are not a herd.  We are human beings with inalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  Remember that???

Thursday, January 12, 2017

It's coming... And I know it

There was a time I made a promise to marry one of my friends.  I have no doubt he loved me with the majority of his heart.   But I also have no doubt that it wouldn't happen.  I never imagined it wouldn't happen because he'd be gone.  I actually always thought I'd be married before it ever came to fruition.  Joke's on me.  He's passed away and I'm not married.  

Part of me thinks "shit.... You should've just married him... At least you'd have made him happy... Because..." Well because I'm the same as I was when I promised I'd marry him.  I'm not talking money or things. I'm talking heart, soul.  Nothing's actually changed.  I'm still who I am and still dreading a real relationship.  If I'd have married him, well, at least he would've been happy.  I have no doubt.  I could do no wrong in his eyes.  I was fucking perfect.  I'm not fucking perfect. I'm so imperfect that sometimes his vision of me screwed with me. 

Still, there's a lot to be said about someone that thinks you're all that.  Maybe he overlooked my flaws because that's what you do when you're truly in love.  You can't help but make excuses for that person.  But we all make excuses for our friends, right??  I love my friends for who they are even when I don't like certain things about them.   Grams used to say you're in love when you find the flaws endearing.  My friends... Well, I defend them in spite of flaws, I ignore flaws and I love them in spite.  But endearing? 

So my friend, his biggest flaw was he was a drunk.  I cannot even explain to most people how bad.  I've actually never met anyone else as bad.  And I know a lot of drunks.  I didn't find it endearing.  I actually hated it.  It was the only thing that kept him from being perfect.  Not truly perfect, no one is truly perfect.  But it was the only flaw I didn't view as endearing.  I saw it as weakness, ugly, a hurdle, a deadening reminder why I got divorced in the first place.  When I promised to marry him, I did so knowing I'd never marry him.  I just never thought it would be because he was dead.

Truth.  I thought I'd already be married.  I thought I'd already have found the guy who loved me in spite of my flaws and vice versa.  You know. The one who polishes your rough edges and vice versa.   I'm pretty sure now he's been hit by a bus.  Got caught in a cross fire.  Killed in, well who cares.  Just gone.  There's no one that I think was him.  I just figure I've spent most of my life holding out for "gone".

Positive attitude is actually one of my fortes.  I'm always looking at the brightest view, giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, never judging anyone for their negatives... Even when that opening often allows them to run their mouths and drum negativity against me ten fold.  I don't care.  I really don't.  A good heart doesn't. Talk your shit because until you've lived my life... Well no one other than me can know who or what I actually am.  I define me.  But if I'm honest, I'm crushed.  Haters happy yet?

There was never a time I was upset because I wasn't married.  When my friend died, I was devastated, because he was one of my closest friends.  I was... Truth be told... Slightly relieved that I didn't have to marry him.  So the closer I get to next month, I know this more and more.  Doesn't make me feel better overall though.  Why?  I thought I'd have been married by now.  Yes I know.  I did though.  I had plenty of options--so... I just never imagined I'd reach next month and be single. 

My friend was an awesome wonderful man, but I couldn't over look his flaw.  Just one.  I'm guessing I'm meant for someone with the same flaws and wonders that I have and someone who's flaws and wonders compliments mine. I have no idea what that is.  I have a really good idea what it isn't.  Who knows?  If you've met me, well, you know I'm truly one of a kind.  There's no one else even close.  At least he knew that.

So I'm trying to cope not with the loss of my friend.  I dealt with that in 2013 to early last year.  I missed him checking in on me.  I missed my friend, but I didn't miss the one.  I thought I'd be missing him the closer next month came.  I'm not.  I'm missing that I thought I'd already be married... to someone else.  I'd apologize to him if I could. I've already done so, made peace with it.  I just haven't made peace with next month I'd have married one of my friends just because I didn't marry someone else.  Didn't marry that one.  So yeah.  Jealous bitches, y'all still jealous???

Monday, January 9, 2017

Let me assess you....

It never ceases to amaze me at how many go with "first" impressions.  Admittedly, if you make my skin crawl when I first meet you, we're done.  I don't want to know you, and while I'll be polite, that will be as good as you ever get.  There have been very few people that hit this "first" impression with me.  Most people I assess over months.  I take in their good, their bad, their indifferent and decide what I think of them overall--flaws and all.  There are people I think the world of but don't really socialize with.  There are people I socialize with that I don't particularly care for, usually because of other mutual friends.  There are very few things that will make me completely dislike someone.  Lying is about the only thing that will immediately get a very negative response and most likely will get you cussed out.  I have zero tolerance for lying.  As far as first impressions, I'm generally spot on for the overall person, but I don't go by that alone.  My first impressions are based on one or two things that immediately caught me.  It takes a while to actually get to know someone--the nuances of a person--that make them different from everyone else that might be similar to them.  Each of us is actually completely different than another person, even with twins.  Our personalities while they may be similar are all based on our own life experiences and some people are just more interesting than others.  First impressions just don't do those that have a lot of life, regardless of age, justice.  

Shallow people tend to have very tiny opinions of other people, generally based on quick snap judgments.   I love when they try to share their opinions with me.  If I have already assessed you as shallow, then your opinion isn't falling on deaf ears.  However, if I get done with my assessment of whoever you were talking shit about doesn't match your opinion, well, then the next time I'm still listening.  But your opinion has zero value.  I'm using it to assess you.  Decide how shallow you are instead of it influencing me on whoever you happen to be talking about.  

Now, some people have earned my trust and I listen to their opinions and even take note to be cautious when they give me their opinion if it indicates that there is some risk to me.  But again, I'm still making my own opinion.  As I stated in a previous blog, I have friends that I trust them to have my back and yet I never trust their assessment of anyone.  They have proven to not have the best judgment of character.  That doesn't make them good or bad themselves.  It just means that they are either too easily swayed by other people's opinions or they don't pay a lot of attention to the people after they made their "first" impression.  Most of my friends know if I ask their opinion I'm trying to understand something about what's going on, but it doesn't mean that I'm taking their assessment and running with it.  

To be blunt, I have plenty of women over the years that have hated on me.   Several years ago, a really good friend got out of the Navy.  He and I had served together and he was heading back home after getting out.  He stopped to see me while I was going to college.  He and I went to a local bar, to shoot the shit, drink a couple of beers and reminisce about years gone by.  When I got up to go to the bathroom, a woman popped up from a table of 5 women and proceeded to tell him that I was the biggest whore in town and that I was "diseased".  My buddy was stunned, but then he was pissed.  He immediately told her that he had known me for years, that he knew damn well that I wasn't that way, and that she could take her trouble making ass back to her stupid jealous friends.  Apparently they were all nodding when he had glanced at them.  I came back as she was scampering back to the table of the other 4 like the rodent she was.  He told me and I wasn't surprised.  He was ill about it because he was like a brother.  He was a brother; we served together.  He wanted to go cuss the whole table.  Now, had he been someone who didn't actually know me, I wondered what a different guy would've thought...then I realized someone that shallow wouldn't be worth my effort anyway.  Anyway, those women and the others, male and female, that came before them, taught me to never ever trust someone else's opinion unless they have proven over and over and over to you that their opinions are worth them making up your mind for you.  

When I date someone, I'll take the same amount of time to assess them, although admittedly I usually haven't even come close to knowing what I think in the first couple months.  I have a friend that I had already assessed as smart.  I also know he could be a bit of a pig.  His reputation, as far as being extremely non-committal, has been shared over and over and over and over again.  So what?  If you haven't read my blog a lot, then you might think that should bother me.  But those who really know me well, know how floundering I can be on the commitment thing.  Come on.  I entered into an agreement to get married in some amount of years, with really zero intent of ever following through, because it was one of my best friends and mainly because I knew it would never happen.  Even in the past blogs, I talked about that "one" I thought might be the "one", well, I tell you it's as close as I've ever been.  Yet, when my sister asked me if I thought I would marry him when I was dating him, I hemmed and hawed, beating around the mulberry bush, and finally saying that I wasn't sure I ever wanted to get married again.  I'm sure a couple ex-boyfriends would describe me as technically unattainable.  I want to commit but then become very non-committal once I find something about that person that I don't want to "live" with.  Non-committal while unappealing to most might be part of my problem.  When the right one happens, that's all supposed to go away, right?  

People often wonder how I can have a couple ex-boyfriends as friends.  I tell them that it's because we never would've worked.  That is probably true, but it's also that I came to value them as a person and likewise.  I have friends that I love certain things about them, but other things?  Well, I have a friend who I adore, one of my best friends.  She's loud, fun, obnoxious at times.  It's great for a few hours here and there.  But I couldn't be her roommate.  Her friendship means the world to me though.  She's got a heart of gold and do anything to help a complete stranger.  But, I know she's not everyone's cup of tea.  There's nothing wrong with her.  She's just different than most people, but no one else has lived her life and they can't judge her even if they are shallow enough to try.  I have another friend who never lets anyone talk negative about me.  She simply will not allow it.  But she's also got the worst track record over the years I've known her in judging people's character.  Horrible.  She's been so far off base on multiple occasions with multiple people that I pretty much just ignore her assessments.  They are just always that far off base.  She has a very small circle of friends that have proven that her opinion of them is warranted, and the rest well, she seems to go whichever way the wind blows--even changing her assessment based on other things that have nothing to do with who someone is.  Another one with a good heart, and obviously since a good heart is pretty rare anymore, well, that factors in strongly in me considering her a friend.  Friendship is defined by the two people in the friendship.  Writing off a friendship because you don't like one thing about them but are cool with everything else doesn't make sense.  If you are a true friend, you should be a friend to the person, flaws and all.  

As far as my advice, make up your own mind.  Your best friends might know you, but they limit you if they expect you to agree with them.  If you have to have everyone else's approval of who you like or don't like, well, that's okay too.  Just try to remember everyone isn't that way and it kind of lacks depth.  Well, actually it does lack depth.  Friendship should be based on you and the person you might want to be friends with.  No one is everyone's cup of tea.  I don't really care anymore if someone assesses me incorrectly.  It defines who they are, not who I am.  The fact is I'm honest, straight forward, don't like to hurt anyone's feelings, and pretty smart overall.  I don't care if you call me names or make up stories to drag me down.  That's what teenagers do.  Perhaps, it's time for some people to grow up and be adults.  Don't let anyone else do the assessing for you--assess for yourself.  You might be missing out on some pretty cool people.