Monday, April 1, 2013

Why people don't belong...

I often talk about my beloved veterans' organizations, and although I've had more positive experiences with many of the people, I have to admit that the negative experiences, that even one, often outweighs any great positive experience.  I belong because I like to help people and doing my best to help others is what gives me great personal satisfaction.  That isn't the case with all.  Some desire recognition that they feel they are lacking in some other aspect of their lives.  Some want to be "in charge".  Some just want to be in a social environment around other people.  Our reasons for being a member of the veterans or auxiliaries of any veterans' organizations are varied as we are as people.  Likewise, we would like to think that the reasons for not belonging are just as varied.  They are not.  There is always an overall theme to why people no longer belong.  They feel or are worried about being slighted.  That's it. 

The first and most often cited:  Former members, or former members the person knows, are petty.  They've heard the stories of how the "old guard", the stereotypical old men from long gone wars, don't want the younger veterans.  They're not there to serve the veterans and their families; they're there to tell war stories and drink cheap alcohol.  Well, truth be told--we're all there for that military comraderie that comes with sitting around telling stories, and yes in many cases, over a drink or two.  I'm a female veteran from Desert Storm.  Yes, I still enjoy listening to an old Chief tell swabbie stories or a story about a camel spider running into a tent with a bunch of guys jumping around screaming like a bunch of little girls.  It gives me comfort to know that I'm not the only one that hates spiders, let alone ones that are the size of a small dog.  As I've stated before, the comraderie of the military comes only from that one walk of life--we can get it nowhere else.  Other veterans get it.  No one else really does.  The families understand the difference, although not to the extent that anyone that serves does.  It's something that we all want as veterans.  The civilian world just doesn't offer it. 

Female veterans often complain about two things about the veterans organizations:  They don't treat me as equal and they don't acknowledge my family as equal.  True in most cases.  In one veterans' organization, a husband cannot join the male verson of an auxiliary because the by-laws prohibit him unless he can prove he's a "son" of a veteran.  Even a "brother" of a veteran is open to join, but there's nothing to permit a "husband".  I have had another female veteran in another organization tell me that the men's and women's auxiliaries have no business being combined.  Not so bad for her--her child is a girl.  The ladies auxiliary of that organization has all kinds of benefits, but the men's sub-organization has very little to really offer.  Sad when you consider that someone earned the right for them just as someone earned the right for those wives, daughters, sisters, et cetera.  We still have people that don't think women belong in combat.  Fine.  But that is no longer the reality of war.  There's really no where anymore in the war zone that is "safely behind lines".  The one place these women should feel respected most is in the arms of these organizations.  Yet, this is too slow coming and as these women come home, looking for the comraderie and to become a part of something that allows them to feel pride for their service, the organizations are slow to acknowledge their complete equality to their male counterparts, if not in the heart of each post, most certainly in the inequitable treatment of their husbands, fathers and sons. 

Even though these are the two most common things that I hear, these are not what costs these beloved organizations most.  We, veterans, are a proud bunch.  We don't like the idea of stealing from a veterans' organization.  Yet, it doesn't matter what post I've visited or listened to my friends from across this great country talk about.  Everyone can tell stories about money stolen from a post or a post fund raiser.  Last year a post was accused of stealing proceeds that were to benefit the wounded.  Another post has former members that refuse to join because they know that extensive funds were stolen in the 1990s by post officers.  Several posts were fleeced in one area by a son of a veteran and his wife; the last of these posts had over $10K taken from an annual fund raiser to benefit veterans' children.  Another post has a secret slush fund that is not reported to post membership from poker machines.  No one ever knew how much money was made by the machines until the machine company came in and stated that the "broke" post made $45K after taxes and split with the machine company.  The veterans' organizations have in these cases done nothing or "handled" the issues internally. 

To quote another veteran:  "I'll join when they start throwing people that steal from their brothers in jail."  The mass agreement of that sentiment at the table startled me.  "We're sick of hearing how people stole money." "...sick of hearing how a post has no money, but (the organization) overall leadership isn't doing anything about it."  "They let them get away with it.  Makes you wonder if you can trust any of them or if it's a pyramid scheme for the dishonest to get money out of the rest of us."  I couldn't argue with the sentiment, because I agree.  I've been told in one of these cases I cited above that the organization higher ups had handled it internally after a full analysis of the books.  Yes, they knew they stole the money, no they weren't going to charge anyone, because of the potential damage to the organization as a whole.  I've heard that same sentiment from another organization's hierarchy too.  A case like that would end up in the papers.  It would be on the internet.  Everyone would know.  Yes.  Yes, everyone would know.  Including those veterans who refuse to join because they've heard through the grapevine about the theivery that occurs in some of these posts.  Even the life members that no one knows or refuse to come by and spend their time and money because of the theives.  My Grams used to say, "one rotten apple would spoil the whole barrel".  It's a worm making bad apples out of otherwise good apples.  It doesn't matter where it started; it's a cancer that needs to be addressed.  A couple of public charges would go a long way to show that no one can steal from our veterans, least of all our own.  The precious reputation is tarnished.  It's a quiet conversation with other members or former members of why they won't join or re-join, and the bad news is everywhere.  The good news, that these veterans' organizations will not tolerate it, well, that's no where to be seen, read, heard or tossed around.  In one case the national organization told the post to cough up the money.  In one case the state or national organization swept it under the rug.  In the other two, they were non-starters that people still talk about quietly.  The organizations could tell a member to shut up about it, but good luck telling everyone.  Besides in most cases like that, those members would quit forever, but continue to express their opinions, probably even more vehemently. 

For all the positive things that the veterans' organizations represent, there is no excuse not to address these issues.  The first two are really simple.  One, remind everyone that a veteran earned it and no one should or can turn away a veteran because this isn't your personal clubhouse--it's Uncle Sam's and all veterans that earned it are welcome.  Two, make it clear through the way we treat all veterans' families.  Those antiquitated rules that single out female veterans' families as "less" need to be rewritten, moved into the 21st century--history is great and it's time to recognize that new history is being written.  Finally, put some of these theives in jail.  Yes, jail.  Press charges.  It will send the message to potential theives this is not the place to do it.  And more importantly, it will send the message to those lost previously, we will not tolerate it.  We are trustworthy from the top down and we will not allow our fellow veterans and their families to be stolen from.  Bluntly, time to make a few examples and earn back the trust.