I suppose it’s easy for most of the Desert Storm and Gulf Veterans to “write off” the VFW. All of these organizations, the VFW, the Fleet Reserve, the American Legion, etc., have a reputation of a bunch of old men sitting around drinking, a good ole’ boys group telling war stories (aka. fish stories) and talking about how the younger generation is so out of tune. There are times that these stereotypes ring true.
Our post has a canteen area. It has a few of the daily drunk types that would prefer to backstab, whine, drum up drama, gossip and generally think of themselves as better than the rest of us. It’s not always the good ole’ boys from long gone by wars. Sometimes it’s the Auxiliary members. I have had the occasion to listen to an older male veteran, VFW member, say women didn’t belong in the military—as you can see from my picture to the side this is offensive to me. However, as my grandmother used to say, pick and choose your battles. More recently, we’ve had problems with racial comments including inappropriate Hispanic comments by an Auxiliary member in front of a Hispanic decent veteran. Another Auxiliary member found it appropriate to, in a drunken stupor, call a veteran a “f***ing n***er”. The offensiveness of the racial slurs caused an uproar and both Auxiliary members received punitive actions from the House Committee of our post, approved at our vets’ meeting. I’ve also recently read where another VFW post in a New England town has been pushing out a male veteran member because he announced he was Wiccan. These old biases do exist, and we cannot pretend they don’t when a Desert Vet asks.
The reasoning that they have for staying away does exist. It’s tiresome. I don’t enjoy dealing with the drunken backstabbing wife of a fellow vet. I don’t enjoy dealing with male Auxiliary members that think they are equal to female VFW veterans because they paid some dues and attended some meetings. I don’t particularly care for the old male veterans who don’t think women should belong and/or serve.
The things we do don’t always make up for that drama: We stand post at funerals. We greet active duty and reservists coming home. Our Ladies’ Auxiliary often puts on a meal for veterans, active duty and their families at no charge to the families or vets. I’ve seen how these ladies successfully put on a grand meal with little to no notice for a funeral. We provide Service Officers and help in navigating veterans and their families, regardless of membership in our organization, through the government bureaucracy known to most of us as the Veterans Administration. We provide funds for Christmas meals and boxes for the local bases and units overseas. We support the Toys for Tots organization run by the Marine Corps. We provide funding and/or volunteers for organizations like the Young Marines, the Sea Cadets, and the Civil Air Patrol. The limitations of what we can provide is only limited by the veterans in the organization and the funding that we have available.
Still, none of that is why I joined and why I stay an active member. I’ve sent boxes to my old command when they are deployed over the holidays. I’ve sent Christmas cards with thanks to random sailors, marines and soldiers to the government provided APO and FPO addresses for military members that rarely receive mail. I buy $100 plus in toys every Christmas at Walmart and drop the bags off as I leave with the Marines standing next to their Toys for Tots collection at the exit. I still have plenty of active duty friends and now friends’ children to do homecomings and funerals. I don’t need the VFW or the Legion for that.
So what is it that we get? As I’ve already pointed out, our group is like a dysfunctional family. The uncle who makes rude comments because your sister brought home someone of a different race than he finds acceptable. The old grandfather who thinks that I should have stayed in college instead of dropping out and joining the USN, regardless of reasoning. The goofy aunt that drinks too much all the time and says some of the most off-the-wall stuff. So why bother? This is where a lot of us, Desert Storm and Gulf veterans, have a hard time pitching this to other Desert vets. Our sense of honor brow-beaten into us by today’s military gives us little way of denying the undesirable parts of our organizations.
What do we get? Why do I belong?
I belong, because when I walk into my post, see and talk with those veterans that have been there, done that, I feel that camaraderie that no other walk of life can provide. Yes, we have some frat rats and sorority wanna-bes. But the majority of the veterans, regardless of which war or action that they earned their membership through, are there for the other veterans. In the service when we change posts, bases or commands, we don’t start over. We have instant comrades. We are honor bound to each other. We can provide each other comfort, both in silence and in loud jest. I went karokeing one night with some former marines from my post. One of the Vietnam vets got up and started singing a song: “…send guns, money and lawyers. The sh*t’s gonna hit the fan.” We all remember those moments when we were in. We all remember when we were stranded in a hangar, a foxhole, a building, a tent…bored out of our minds, knowing that 10 minutes could change everything. I belong because we don’t have to talk about those things to understand them, but it’s nice to know that you’re sitting there with someone that does understand it. We belong because regardless of what drama is slung around our post, or any other veterans organizations, we know that the other veterans understand and vice versa. We belong because blood, pain, poked, prodded, brow beaten, bored in the sand, stuck, proud, defeated, exhausted, lost, missed, horrified…we belong because the civilian world doesn’t have that bond. We belong for the bond that we learned and earned in the military that we don’t want to live without. This is what we need to tell those Gulf vets. We belong so that we are here for them as much as we belong so someone is there for us.
