Well, here it is. New Year's Eve. I wasn't the best blogger this year, but I did start my novel, well truth I've started several, but this one is more than a third done. Still not impressive when I consider that I used to write a blog a week, had a couple hundred readers developed and even was making people laugh. But it's been a bizarre year. I looked back at my blogs and I've skipped months at a time this year. But yes, it's been a really bizarre year. Heck I didn't make any new years' promises last January. One of you should have emailed me and reminded me. Dang it. But, you're not my entertainment. My blog is usually yours. So I don't have anything, any goals that I wanted to achieve in 2015. So what do I have to blog about? Well, 2016, of course....
But first 2015...Just because I didn't make any promises doesn't mean I didn't change anything. "Change is inevitable." Even if you are standing perfectly still, making sure to not move a single thing, we all look back on a year and know that it changed anyway. The changes that just came: a new job, a break up (finally), a closer relationship with each of my sons, and reconnecting with some of my closest friends. The new job came with more money and more exciting work. The break up was a long time coming. If I had been honest with myself, it was over right after my birthday in 2015, but no one can ever say that I won't try to make something work. But not to sound like one of those stupid memes on Facebook, but it's better to give up on something than to be with someone that plays exhaustive games. A couple of other good friends rid themselves of similar albatrosses, so maybe 2015 was just that year to clean your personal closet and end relationships that were not value add to our lives. The closer relationship with my boys is utterly priceless. Nothing is more valuable in life than seeing your children grow into wonderful adults. And this year, first year in like a decade, my friends planned my birthday instead of me deciding what I wanted to do. I know somehow this is trivial, but it's just nice to have those connections again with people that you know have your back. I've met people over the years that have had and still have my back, but having so many in one place--priceless also. So although I bypassed making any promises to myself for 2015, life took over and I got some promises anyway.
So that brings us to 2016. As I've stated before, I've never been a fan of new year's resolutions. It's not my thing. Not because I'm opposed to the idea, but too many people make resolutions that they genuinely don't have any intention of following through with. How many times have you heard someone say one of their resolutions is to work out more or lose weight? Give me a break. A resolution is more like making a wish. You wish someone, like a fairy godmother, would come wave a magic wand and voila! There it is. Life pretty much never works that way. Things that you really want to happen take some amount of investment, your investment--time, money, work, effort. Nothing comes just magically. Make a promise to yourself instead. I've found in the past that making promises, rather than resolutions, means you are far more invested. The promise is only to yourself, but amazingly, no one likes to break promises--least of all to themselves.
A good friend pointed out once that we know plenty of people that make promises--to their kids, exes, current spouses or significant others, friends, so-called friends, et cetera--and fail to keep them. That is the thing though. Keeping promises--which usually means improving some part of yourself, like following though with something promised to another--is really a taught lesson that requires practice much like learning to write or communicate. Practice makes perfect. Who better to practice keeping promises to than yourself? And there's no one to let down but yourself. There's no one to make excuses to except yourself and there's a ting of pain when you fail yourself. People that make promises to other people and break them often make excuses or twist it somehow so that they are somehow the victim. If you happen to be one of these people, know that you are one of the most annoying people on the planet. It's probably time for you to practice keeping promises and what the heck...start this new year's with yourself. Start simple. One, two or three. Don't be overly ambitious. Saying that your going to save the world is simply not going to happen unless you happen to be the real life version of James Bond. But be realistic and be intrinsic. Have it have a positive impact on you or someone you claim you care about. Don't tell them. Just tell yourself. No need to let anyone else down but yourself if you fail miserably. But if you succeed? You'll find that it will be easier next year to make more and bigger promises to yourself--and the awesome side effect? You'll find it easier to keep those promises that you make to others. Practice really does make perfect.
But now if you're one of those people who never breaks promises or even one that keeps most or many, well, you already know what I'm talking about. Resolutions are the magic wishes we make as children that we eventually realize will never magically come true. I used to make resolutions. It was kind of like a wish list. A never-ending wish list. If you think back over the years that you've actually made resolutions, you probably have that same never ending wish list. Wishes upon wishes that never seemed to come to full fruition. But I made promises to myself for 2014...and basically achieved them. I made no promises in 2015...and life just happened. But, I felt accomplished at the end of 2014. I made myself promises and I kept them. Life happened without any promises in 2015, but that awesome feeling of accomplishment? Well, hard to have an awesome feeling of accomplishment when you didn't bother to make any promises to yourself in the first place. Throw out the resolution wish list. Make yourself some promises. Write them down. If you are so bold, put one in the comments of this blog and you can revisit it after Christmas next year. But put them in writing and I bet you find that the promise you make to yourself is the accomplishment you always knew you could achieve.
So my promises for 2016?
1. Beach. Definitely beach. I love the ocean.
2. Hiking in the mountains. Maybe a little more of the Trail of Tears. I did a portion of it one summer when I was attending Clemson and my boys were gone for the summer. One of the best experiences of my life. I used to take my boys hiking a lot when they were little. Maybe a couple hiking trips--with them, with friends--new and old.
3. Christmas in Germany, assuming my youngest son is selected for his abroad studies application. We won't know if this in needed for a bit, but I want to promise myself that is going to happen because I don't want my baby overseas alone during the holiday season if he does go.
4. More concerts. I've been trying to remember all the bands I've ever seen live. Blue Oyster Cult, Dokken, Def Leppard, Iron Maiden, Aerosmith, Whitesnake, Warrant, Powerstation, Violent Femmes, Smithereens, Ted Nugent, Tanya Tucker, Filter, STP, Green Day, Everclear, NY Philharmonic, Boston Pops, Toledo Symphony (yes, classical is still concerts people), John Mayer, Buddy Guy, David Gray, Mitch Ryder, ZZ Top, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Cheap Trick, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch (IKR?!?!), Limp Bisket, Foreigner, Styx, 38 Special....OMG...I've gone to so many concerts I can't remember them all. Of course, I do remember the ones that I've missed. AC/DC. OK, that's probably the only one that I've missed over and over and keep kicking myself every time I miss their last, last, next last tour. Of course, now they're getting up there in age... This may be the last, last, last, truly last tour....
5. Finish my novel and start another.
6. Enjoy my life. So what if I don't have anyone to share it with. This last experience just proved that it's better to have great memories by yourself or with friends than no memories of all the life you missed out on.
7. More time with my friends--less time with people that don't actually know how to be friends. Friendship requires cultivating--which requires effort. The people that put forth the effort might not do so all the time, but those that do, deserve the same effort back. Likewise, those that put forth no effort, get no more effort than they put out.
8. More time doing what I like to do. More sushi. More seafood. More time outside in the sunshine. More movies. I love movies--sci-fi, action and kiddie movies. Nothing like seeing these in a movie theater. I've got a big enough screen at home for the comedies and the love sick movies, but there's nothing like a huge screen in a room of mostly strangers all there to take in the same experience with over-priced popcorn. :)
9. Less time doing what other people want to do. Don't get me wrong. I love to try new things and I'm always up to try most things once. I even went skydiving once. But I'm tired of having people tell me what to do, how to do it, where or what or when we are doing things.
10. Which brings us to the finale: Less time with people exhaustive people. Some people are simply so much drama...you know the types. Nothing is ever their fault. Or they twist it around into your fault. Or they simply spend a lot of time talking about what they are and how others should be. Or they just simply are only your friend if you are putting in the effort. Don't care. There's a difference between people who have the energy and exhaustive people. I used to wonder about this. Now I'm sure. Energetic people attract exhaustive people. I have enough energy to light NYC, but I'm not the light for someone living in darkness. If you understand what I'm talking about, then you probably really have some dark people in your life sucking your energy out of you. Consider joining me this year. Promise yourself that your light is not so that someone else can dim it. It's there for you to see and be with others that want to see and live in the light.
Resolutions are like wishes. Promises are like dreams. We dream of better, but there's dreams that become wishes--ones that will never come to fruition. And there are dreams that we can make real--achievements. In 2016, learn to Dream to Achieve.
