There are some questions in the English language that can have multiple meanings. Where are you going? Destination, in life, in exiting an argument, when leaving home to strike out on your own. The meaning of the question becomes highly dependent upon the discussion at hand. Who are you? The question invokes different ideas in each of us. Are you a student? Your mother's son? An adult, child, teenager, mature, immature, professional, exhausted, parent, friend, blue collar, white collar. Perhaps we think of ourselves as organizations we affiliate with or specifically what work we do. A slew of words come to mind just to describe myself. Mother, engineer, veteran, American, Constitutionalist, biker, hiker, yoga enthusiast. Blogger, obviously. Ever loving optimist. Dilettante in my personal life, but consummate professional in my work. Hard worker yet love my lazy days. Emotional, intellectual (again in only a dilettante fashion). Happy overall. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Now think about who you are. What exactly makes up you?
Precursor warning, as usual this blog is, well, about me. You take your golden nuggets from it as it comes.
Recently, I've become an empty nester. Not completely, my oldest is technically living with me again. But for the most part, I'm free to come and go as I please and don't have to worry daily about what my sons are eating, who they are hanging out with, if they need anything. Oh sure, I still worry because I'm a mom, their Mom, but without the daily stress of how I'm going to make sure everything is taken care of for them. They are grown men now, and if I raised them right, then they should get on fine without my daily advice or intervention. They aren't children anymore. They have their own lives, goals and aspirations, and have to be allowed to make their own decisions, mistakes, and successes. When each of them has succeeded in something I definitely have a sense of accomplishment; it really is more of a sense rather than a feeling. The feeling of accomplishment for me is for a job as a parent well done. It's not an empty reward, but the feeling of being needed is no longer there. Their successes define them now, not me.
So now while I'm a mother, it is still my proudest description of myself, I'm all those other things more pronounced. What does that mean? A friend of mine thought I was going through my mid-life crisis when I bought my Dodge Challenger. But it wasn't the first sports car with a big engine I had owned. It was more a representation of who I have always been rather than a momentary lapse in reason that the term "mid-life crisis" implies. I'm pretty sure I'm going through that crisis right now. My dream car, my dream career, my stable life...all the sudden I have the craving to throw caution to the wind, ditch what remaining responsibilities I have and run away. The sensible me, the one that raised three gentlemen on my own, tells this crisis side of me to shut the hell up. Breathe. Don't do anything rash. Be practical. WTH are you thinking? My sons still need advice at times, even maybe a helping hand here and there. The practical me even makes the ever so true argument that I've already done my rash, take off on a whim, impractical run away stunt before. I had my wild moments and prudence had won out after a brief spell.
The part of me going through this crisis has its own arguments. Life is short. The things that I've been waiting on are never coming to fruition. Hell, I'm not even sure anymore what I've been waiting on. It sounds more like an excuse to be responsible to the wild side of me. There's all kinds of things I want to do that I haven't. I've traveled, but almost always for work. There's been rare exceptions to that but nothing like my bucket list. I want to see Hong Kong, before it goes communist or China and Russia are the new super powers and Americans are no longer welcomed as cash cows. I'd like to see Poland, the Black Forest, London, all of Scotland, the Mediterranean from Morocco, Venice, maybe Moscow. I'd like to hike the Great Wall, see the Forbidden City, and see the Mongolian hills. Call it wanting to see my roots firsthand. Of course, the wild of me would also be just as content to sell everything, move to a beach and live as a semi bum along an ocean. Not even particular to which ocean as long as it's peaceful, there's a small bar (maybe even my own) close by, and I can do yoga in the morning while watching the sun rise. Reading on the shoreline--newspapers, philosophy, history. I could stand to catch up on Bertrand Russell who was one of the great philosophers of the twentieth century and get a glimpse into one of my mother's favorite writers. My wild side wants to finish the novel, one of the three or all three, that I've started. Maybe even dabble in a master's of arts in history. My wild side may feel a little intellectually starved.
Oh sure, I recognize that this crisis probably doesn't even remotely resemble what other people would refer to as a mid-life crisis. Don't forget the previous disclaimer. I'm just starting to feel like Walter Mitty, the written version not the movie version, where the fantasy has become a suitable replacement to a desired reality. Of course, my wild side certainly knows better. But then I've done a lot of the things I've set out to accomplish. It's a reality that I know so many people never achieve. I've been very blessed that I've had the drive to accomplish those things that I've set to achieve. It's not like I haven't had my setbacks like anyone else. Sometimes the setbacks for the achievers are just reminders that everything in life is also a smidge of luck, good or bad, and that we can never predict, control or harness everything. There's a bit of a gamble in everything we try--even with the best laid plans. So I'm also not naive that all of my accomplishments are because of my wild side, albeit properly reined in.
So there begs the question then. Who am I? Who are any of us? A sum of words that can be put to paper? For some of us, perhaps that is all we are and we are content. But for those of us that can never be summed up completely in a few words, and especially those of us that could fill volumes and still not be completely defined, well, who are we? Maybe I just need a vacation. A new chapter. Or maybe it's time to start a whole new volume in the series of volumes that makes up me.
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
Wednesday, May 24, 2017
Outside...looking in....
So first I apologize to my avid readers for not writing this month til now. I've been extremely busy between a wedding and then being out of the country for work. I have just been too tired to write. In all honesty, I really haven't wanted to write about POTUS. The Europeans and Asians have a very different view of President Trump than the far left, the far right, those that didn't support him and those that did. For someone like me who had my trepidations from the start, well, honestly, they sound more like I do. They don't have the hatred that a good third of the nation do. They don't have the starstruck, kiss his ass, he can do no wrong attitudes of the people who blindly voted for him because they somehow truly believed his one liners even when he often contradicted them. Most of our country knew he wasn't actually going to "make America great again". We need true leadership for that and his track record was never that of a leader. Entrepreneurs are more often than not the most difficult people to work for and with.
Our new President is definitely an entrepreneur type of person. Stubborn. Extremely confident in what he knows. Extremely confident in what he doesn't know sometimes. And, dare I say, just a bit of a braggart. I question whether a braggart can keep a secret. POTUS's ego appears to be way, way, way beyond the pig headed, over confident, full of confidence entrepreneur. He's got to brag. It's his thing. We could see it during the election. He knew more than....it doesn't really matter who. He always tells everyone how much he knows more than any experts in any field than they do. It's always over the top. He also falls miserably to apologize. It's pretty hard for some people. Trump has never apologized ever for anything, and there's no way we could ever expect that he would start now. Of course, by basic assessment, Trump is definitely the same as and yet opposite Obama. Obama apologized so much I wanted to ring his neck. Trump is so unapologetic that I want to ring his too. Give him a good shake and yell at him to wake the hell up, grow up, something. The biggest issue with Trump's version of entrepreneur is most are mature thinkers and I'm not convinced our POTUS is actually mature enough to be President. A mature man knows when to say something and more importantly when not to.
Funny thing is that I want POTUS to be successful. Wanting him to fail is like shooting yourself in the foot the night before you're going to run a marathon. I'll even admit he could look Presidential. I mean he's quite tubby compared to most former Presidents. But Taft, the President who got stuck in the White House bathtub, well, he was more than tubby and he looked presidential. The problem with this POTUS is his mouth. He just doesn't know when to shut the hell up. That was all too evident in the election. He would scream and carry on, talking over his opponents. He would sling insults too freely for a professional who knew limits. He didn't have any limits to what he would say during the election, and so there's little surprise that his tone downed "presidential" version of himself is still far less presidential and far more reality TV showboating. Don't get me wrong. You can tell he's trying, but overall he's just probably incapable. So while he's basically bragged without meaning to in interfering with an ongoing FBI investigation, then flatly claiming it was his decision to fire the FBI Director in what blatantly appears to be interference with an investigation and possible retaliation for the Director not complying with his demands which would be completely illegal, to topping that (as if it couldn't get worse) with having the Russians in the Oval Office immediately following. That alone either means he's completely stupid and oblivious to appearances or potentially, dare I point this out, a traitor. As is that wasn't enough....and trust me it was way, way, way enough for the rest of the world especially our allies in Europe who have reasons to be extremely concerned over Russia's attempts at expansionism in a Hitler-esque way...this idiot savant just blabbers intelligence secrets received from one of our allies in the Middle East. Whether that ally is a European based ally or more likely a Middle East based ally, none are happy about the Russian expansionist presence in the Middle East, and they are reeling at the idea that a US President would betray their confidence. At best this man we elected is either way, way more of a idiot who has used his bragging to make money (which is a distinct possibility) or the man is a traitor. So far his presidency has been one fiasco after the next....successful for Putin.
The intelligence community couldn't even brief him initially because of that moron racist from Breitbart. Once POTUS put the reins on him, I really thought with him actually listening to the intelligence community he'd catch on. But there are numerous reports that he doesn't read the briefs they provide and that he has demanded bullet points because that's how he's run his businesses. That's fine when details can be relied upon your staff to make it work, but there are intelligence that are received that are eyes only. These types of things are limited to less than 50 USA citizens have any knowledge at all about--things so classified that less than 10% of Congress even has the clearance, let alone the President's staff. This POTUS has chosen to surround himself with several people that couldn't pass the security clearances. Most Americans based on military personnel clearances wouldn't be cleared for top secret and that's only the third level of secret by DoD (Department of Defense) classifications. Things that can ixney just that level include civil arrests, a good (not great) credit score, traveling to certain countries even on vacation. The clearance needed for eyes only hasn't even been granted to Trump's right hand, his son in law. It's unclear exactly how many levels above top secret there are, and even more guarded is how complicated each of these levels are. The problem is that by virtue of being President, we the American public, grant access to someone who those "in the know" might never give access to. That's actually all on us. So having someone we duly elected want classified information that might be limited down to as few as a dozen Americans to bullet points just sounds idiotic and more troubling, problematic. Our obligations when we vote aren't trivial votes for high school prom king or queen. We are voting for a person to take our security seriously and in this measure we have failed ourselves. The current POTUS four months into his term still hasn't gotten a grip on this monumental responsibility, let alone surrounding himself with people capable of advising him.
Still this might be working in our favor. We look stupid. Weak. Inept. Hardly the "great America" that would lead any effort for freedom. We can barely secure our own. We looked like bickering children for 8 years under Obama. We still look like bickering children under Trump. After more than a decade (another couple years) of this childish leadership and behavior of our media, our leadership, and worst of all, ourselves, we won't be anyone's force to be reckoned with. At least that's how we are starting to look from the outside looking in. Britain, Germany, even France, have become the prime terrorist targets. They are now seen as the bigger threats to tyranny and religious zealots.
That might be all well and good after the bombing in Manchester this week. God knows we were devastated by the attacks on the Twin Towers and the Pentagon. There's no way to ever erase that. But we became so unified, that the great "sleeping giant" of this country was unified. Many think of Admiral Yamamoto's reference to the "sleeping giant" as our military might and/or the leadership of this nation, but that's inaccurate. We, the American people, are the sleeping giant. We like our complacency, our inaction. We are fat and lazy and content to be left alone. This POTUS represents that part of us well. In his speech in Saudi Arabia this week, it came off quite clear that he's leading us into isolationism. He iterated over and over that he was only concerned with Americans security first. Sounds good to us lazy, average Americans. All of us, whether we want to admit it or not, are tired of war, tired of the conflicts in the Middle East, weary of a poor economy and looking like we are ready to throw in the towel. Yet while giving this same stupid rhetoric, he was also bragging about how much money the new accord with the Saudis was about. In an area where estimates range from 20% to as much as 82% of the people live in poverty. And not the American version of poverty. No state help or aid available. The Sally Struthers commercials version of poverty. Bragging about money in front of them, hundreds of billions of dollars, is like taking an entire cactus and shoving it under your saddle while riding a barely broken in wild mustang. Stupid as hell. That's our POTUS. We won't be hated by the extremists for meddling in their systemic slaughter of the opposition. No, let's be hated for good old American greed.
Back during Obama's terms, particularly after reading Bob Woodward's books about his first term, I made no qualms that I thought Obama was bad for this country. When you are that far down, there's no where to go but up, right? During the election, I made no qualms that I was mortified that the two major parties had actually been able to find worse, and I made the analogy that if elected Trump would simply be the white GOP version of Obama. Both were virtually nothing in their parties prior to their bids for the White House. Neither had any real political experience. Both liked to brag about themselves, and both seemed to use bully tactics to get what they wanted. So far, even though I had hoped to be wrong, this POTUS has proved me right, but he does have some major differences. One of which is the blatantly obvious peacock show of money. He loves to brag about his money whether he has it or not.
Well that's all fine and good until you realize that Russia's interest in the Middle East is all about money. What if the financial collapse that we experienced was orchestrated? Who has benefited most by our economic demise? Not our European allies or Asian allies. We took them down the tubes with us. Russia has. Putin has gained significant influence and he has invaded countries, annexing parts of other countries and shooting down commercial aircraft without a whimper out of us. We want out of Iraq, away from Iran, out of Afghanistan. Hell I understand the ramifications better than the average bear and even I want us out of there. But then the bombing in Manchester. This is because of a weakened Allied alliance. America is weak after 8 years of Obama with his apologies and ineffective ability as Commander in Chief. Now, with four years of a POTUS who can't even maintain highest levels of intelligence, we have reached the pinnacle of weak, greedy, self absorbed stereotype of Americans. Worse yet, we almost seem to be relishing in it.
Still only four months into the new POTUS's term, we can't be sure whether he will grow into the job or not. Not many have ever grown into the job. They either went in able or they didn't. So it's looking like Trump might just be another Obama. His failures with the initial health bill are all reminiscent of Obama's failures to get bills passed. Obama used bullying words like "you will", "you must", " you have to". Trump just is a bully by nature. It's not hard to picture him trying to verbally in his own manner bully a FBI Director. It's not a stretch to think he might have been misled by the Russians by the people around him. He just isn't very detail oriented. But the idea that a man with his entire "empire" built on selling his name being completely clueless that timing is everything?? I hope it doesn't turn out he's a traitor. In fact, if he is, I'd rather never know. The impact to the White House, to the Presidency, to the psyche of our great nation....It's just too much to bear. And yet, that's where we stand from the outside looking in.
Our new President is definitely an entrepreneur type of person. Stubborn. Extremely confident in what he knows. Extremely confident in what he doesn't know sometimes. And, dare I say, just a bit of a braggart. I question whether a braggart can keep a secret. POTUS's ego appears to be way, way, way beyond the pig headed, over confident, full of confidence entrepreneur. He's got to brag. It's his thing. We could see it during the election. He knew more than....it doesn't really matter who. He always tells everyone how much he knows more than any experts in any field than they do. It's always over the top. He also falls miserably to apologize. It's pretty hard for some people. Trump has never apologized ever for anything, and there's no way we could ever expect that he would start now. Of course, by basic assessment, Trump is definitely the same as and yet opposite Obama. Obama apologized so much I wanted to ring his neck. Trump is so unapologetic that I want to ring his too. Give him a good shake and yell at him to wake the hell up, grow up, something. The biggest issue with Trump's version of entrepreneur is most are mature thinkers and I'm not convinced our POTUS is actually mature enough to be President. A mature man knows when to say something and more importantly when not to.
Funny thing is that I want POTUS to be successful. Wanting him to fail is like shooting yourself in the foot the night before you're going to run a marathon. I'll even admit he could look Presidential. I mean he's quite tubby compared to most former Presidents. But Taft, the President who got stuck in the White House bathtub, well, he was more than tubby and he looked presidential. The problem with this POTUS is his mouth. He just doesn't know when to shut the hell up. That was all too evident in the election. He would scream and carry on, talking over his opponents. He would sling insults too freely for a professional who knew limits. He didn't have any limits to what he would say during the election, and so there's little surprise that his tone downed "presidential" version of himself is still far less presidential and far more reality TV showboating. Don't get me wrong. You can tell he's trying, but overall he's just probably incapable. So while he's basically bragged without meaning to in interfering with an ongoing FBI investigation, then flatly claiming it was his decision to fire the FBI Director in what blatantly appears to be interference with an investigation and possible retaliation for the Director not complying with his demands which would be completely illegal, to topping that (as if it couldn't get worse) with having the Russians in the Oval Office immediately following. That alone either means he's completely stupid and oblivious to appearances or potentially, dare I point this out, a traitor. As is that wasn't enough....and trust me it was way, way, way enough for the rest of the world especially our allies in Europe who have reasons to be extremely concerned over Russia's attempts at expansionism in a Hitler-esque way...this idiot savant just blabbers intelligence secrets received from one of our allies in the Middle East. Whether that ally is a European based ally or more likely a Middle East based ally, none are happy about the Russian expansionist presence in the Middle East, and they are reeling at the idea that a US President would betray their confidence. At best this man we elected is either way, way more of a idiot who has used his bragging to make money (which is a distinct possibility) or the man is a traitor. So far his presidency has been one fiasco after the next....successful for Putin.
The intelligence community couldn't even brief him initially because of that moron racist from Breitbart. Once POTUS put the reins on him, I really thought with him actually listening to the intelligence community he'd catch on. But there are numerous reports that he doesn't read the briefs they provide and that he has demanded bullet points because that's how he's run his businesses. That's fine when details can be relied upon your staff to make it work, but there are intelligence that are received that are eyes only. These types of things are limited to less than 50 USA citizens have any knowledge at all about--things so classified that less than 10% of Congress even has the clearance, let alone the President's staff. This POTUS has chosen to surround himself with several people that couldn't pass the security clearances. Most Americans based on military personnel clearances wouldn't be cleared for top secret and that's only the third level of secret by DoD (Department of Defense) classifications. Things that can ixney just that level include civil arrests, a good (not great) credit score, traveling to certain countries even on vacation. The clearance needed for eyes only hasn't even been granted to Trump's right hand, his son in law. It's unclear exactly how many levels above top secret there are, and even more guarded is how complicated each of these levels are. The problem is that by virtue of being President, we the American public, grant access to someone who those "in the know" might never give access to. That's actually all on us. So having someone we duly elected want classified information that might be limited down to as few as a dozen Americans to bullet points just sounds idiotic and more troubling, problematic. Our obligations when we vote aren't trivial votes for high school prom king or queen. We are voting for a person to take our security seriously and in this measure we have failed ourselves. The current POTUS four months into his term still hasn't gotten a grip on this monumental responsibility, let alone surrounding himself with people capable of advising him.
Still this might be working in our favor. We look stupid. Weak. Inept. Hardly the "great America" that would lead any effort for freedom. We can barely secure our own. We looked like bickering children for 8 years under Obama. We still look like bickering children under Trump. After more than a decade (another couple years) of this childish leadership and behavior of our media, our leadership, and worst of all, ourselves, we won't be anyone's force to be reckoned with. At least that's how we are starting to look from the outside looking in. Britain, Germany, even France, have become the prime terrorist targets. They are now seen as the bigger threats to tyranny and religious zealots.
That might be all well and good after the bombing in Manchester this week. God knows we were devastated by the attacks on the Twin Towers and the Pentagon. There's no way to ever erase that. But we became so unified, that the great "sleeping giant" of this country was unified. Many think of Admiral Yamamoto's reference to the "sleeping giant" as our military might and/or the leadership of this nation, but that's inaccurate. We, the American people, are the sleeping giant. We like our complacency, our inaction. We are fat and lazy and content to be left alone. This POTUS represents that part of us well. In his speech in Saudi Arabia this week, it came off quite clear that he's leading us into isolationism. He iterated over and over that he was only concerned with Americans security first. Sounds good to us lazy, average Americans. All of us, whether we want to admit it or not, are tired of war, tired of the conflicts in the Middle East, weary of a poor economy and looking like we are ready to throw in the towel. Yet while giving this same stupid rhetoric, he was also bragging about how much money the new accord with the Saudis was about. In an area where estimates range from 20% to as much as 82% of the people live in poverty. And not the American version of poverty. No state help or aid available. The Sally Struthers commercials version of poverty. Bragging about money in front of them, hundreds of billions of dollars, is like taking an entire cactus and shoving it under your saddle while riding a barely broken in wild mustang. Stupid as hell. That's our POTUS. We won't be hated by the extremists for meddling in their systemic slaughter of the opposition. No, let's be hated for good old American greed.
Back during Obama's terms, particularly after reading Bob Woodward's books about his first term, I made no qualms that I thought Obama was bad for this country. When you are that far down, there's no where to go but up, right? During the election, I made no qualms that I was mortified that the two major parties had actually been able to find worse, and I made the analogy that if elected Trump would simply be the white GOP version of Obama. Both were virtually nothing in their parties prior to their bids for the White House. Neither had any real political experience. Both liked to brag about themselves, and both seemed to use bully tactics to get what they wanted. So far, even though I had hoped to be wrong, this POTUS has proved me right, but he does have some major differences. One of which is the blatantly obvious peacock show of money. He loves to brag about his money whether he has it or not.
Well that's all fine and good until you realize that Russia's interest in the Middle East is all about money. What if the financial collapse that we experienced was orchestrated? Who has benefited most by our economic demise? Not our European allies or Asian allies. We took them down the tubes with us. Russia has. Putin has gained significant influence and he has invaded countries, annexing parts of other countries and shooting down commercial aircraft without a whimper out of us. We want out of Iraq, away from Iran, out of Afghanistan. Hell I understand the ramifications better than the average bear and even I want us out of there. But then the bombing in Manchester. This is because of a weakened Allied alliance. America is weak after 8 years of Obama with his apologies and ineffective ability as Commander in Chief. Now, with four years of a POTUS who can't even maintain highest levels of intelligence, we have reached the pinnacle of weak, greedy, self absorbed stereotype of Americans. Worse yet, we almost seem to be relishing in it.
Still only four months into the new POTUS's term, we can't be sure whether he will grow into the job or not. Not many have ever grown into the job. They either went in able or they didn't. So it's looking like Trump might just be another Obama. His failures with the initial health bill are all reminiscent of Obama's failures to get bills passed. Obama used bullying words like "you will", "you must", " you have to". Trump just is a bully by nature. It's not hard to picture him trying to verbally in his own manner bully a FBI Director. It's not a stretch to think he might have been misled by the Russians by the people around him. He just isn't very detail oriented. But the idea that a man with his entire "empire" built on selling his name being completely clueless that timing is everything?? I hope it doesn't turn out he's a traitor. In fact, if he is, I'd rather never know. The impact to the White House, to the Presidency, to the psyche of our great nation....It's just too much to bear. And yet, that's where we stand from the outside looking in.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)