I was once told “you know you’re poor when you can’t afford to have a six pack in your refrigerator”. Considering that a six pack of cheap nasty beer has almost always been cheaper than a hamburger meal at McDonald's, yes, I agree. If you can’t afford a six pack, you are definitely poor. It’s the last luxury item that almost every poor person can appreciate. Even the cheap sh*t has the same impact as the fancy high dollar, special blend bourbons that have over the years given me a lot of pleasure. It’s easy to assume that I’ve always had and continue to have. That is how it works for most people. I was raised upper middle class, and generally, that means the lowest you ever dip is maybe middle, even maybe lower middle, but certainly not all the way to poor. But, well, I’m not one to have always done everything the easy way, and I’m really not one to talk about the time in my life where I was “poor”. For one, life is perspective and “poor” can be a very relative term. But being “poor” isn’t something that anyone takes pride in. There’s some misconception in the world now, well at least in the United States, that “poor” is something some people relish in. The irony is that that mindset is actually generated by the people that profess to being the ones most motivated and “inspired” to help the “poor”.
First, let me repeat. It’s not something anyone actually wants to admit to, being “poor”. Yes, I was, downright almost homeless a couple of times, poor. It’s not something I’m proud of. It’s not something that I’m ashamed of either, but the looks that come across some people’s faces when they know that you can’t afford the basic necessities in life isn’t empathy or sympathy but sheer fear and, in some cases, hatred. Poor people don’t want to be poor and they don’t want to be earmarked as “poor” either. The fact that the government picks an arbitrary income level and defines the poverty level doesn’t make someone “poor”. The defined poverty level simply decides when you can get government help, if you so desire. That is the key point there. If you so desire…
I, like most Americans, have been raised to take pride in who you are, never take a government handout if you can avoid it. The concept that poor people want a handout is bullsh*t. What the "poor" genuinely want is a HAND UP. When I went back to school full-time, I knew the risk that I was taking. I was living low middle class at the time. I was working a decent paying job on third shift, but as a single parent I was paying more than double the average day care for my boys to sleep at someone else’s home, in some strange bed, so that I could keep my bills paid. It definitely wasn’t what I wanted for my boys. I didn't consider myself poor. Lower middle class, but in retrospect I was definately tettering on poor. Being poor had its perks. Other poor people are more likely to help than anyone else. One of my dearest friends worked the second shift, and at the time, she barely knew me. I had lost my sitter, and I couldn’t miss work or I’d be out of a job. When she heard me at shift change asking if anyone knew of a reliable sitter, she went to her supervisor and mine and worked out for her to come in 5 minutes early and leave shift 5 minutes early to get my boys. She really barely knew me. We’d talked, worked together, but she knew enough to know that she wanted to help me. We wanted the same things and had a similar view on life. We wanted to provide for our kids: a nice home, a good job, to be able to take care of our kids. She had a small little rental that was probably less than 500 square feet, and she had her own kid to take care of. The pay we made was extremely low for the area and when that plant went to Mexico most of the employees—good, hard working, but most without even a GED—became what the government defines as unemployable. That was the deep south for you, and in some parts, sadly still is. What both of us wanted was a direction out. We had the desire, but the desire and the possible don't always jive.
I had moved to the deep south to attend Clemson University, but finishing my degree now was now looking like a pipe dream. I would have to work to support my boys, and between them, an off shift, and the sheer exhaustion, I could barely stay awake most days. NoDoz became my best friend. Eventually, I decided to bite a bullet and go back to school full time. It was now or never. My GI Bill would expire thanks to the Clinton Administration in less than 4 years—far shorter than the 20 years I had initially been promised. By sheer luck, (yes, I believe in luck), an acquaintance was part of the financial aid office at Clemson. She helped me to scramble to get student loans to help subsidize going to school full time. Now let’s say this. Student loans are only federally funded for people living below poverty level (or damn close) as defined by whatever magic number that some idiot in Washington chooses. Then and now aren't the Reagan years when as long as you could get accepted into a college and could maintain a C or better average, you could get financial aid. And, well, I wasn’t eligible. On paper, I was over the poverty line. It didn’t take into account 3 children pre-school age. I had a job and made more than the required line number, and in all honesty, like I already stated I didn’t consider myself poor. I took out the non-Federally funded loans. Student loans are not meant for single parents or any parents for that matter. They’re meant for people going to school before kids, with no kids, with no plan of kids. The student loan covered my tuition, fees, and books for the semester.
I didn’t have much in retirement, but cashed it out to pay off creditors and subsidize the first year, after the Federal government took over half in tax for early withdrawal. That's an automatic penalty no matter what the reason or circumstance. Ask anyone that has had to cash it out because they were unemployed and needed to eat. Didn’t matter that I was a single mother trying to scramble to make a better life. The United States government takes their share regardless. My GI bill was $400 a month give or take. My child support was just under $1K. I had roughly $1400-1600 a month--for rent, for gas, for food, electric, phone, kids' clothing, childcare, and any incidentals--only $600-$800 after rent. For the next year and a half, that was my income. For those of you that can't do the math, my boys and I lived off of less than $10K a year for 16 months. The poverty level was around $20K.
That first Christmas, my boys either didn't notice or didn't point out that all of their Christmas presents were toys that they no longer played with, re-cycled, re-wrapped and passed off as "new". Let me say, you really have no idea what "poor" is until you can't afford to give your child a present. There was no Christmas ham, turkey or fixings. There was a pitiful fake tree that was over 10 years old. (Yes, I'm not Christian, but the concept of being with family and celebrating what you do have is not exclusively Christian.) Finally, the fall term of my second year, I was able to get a little help with grants. I was still not eligible for all government grants. I actually wasn't eligible until mid-junior year, if memory serves me. And it wasn't until my senior year that I was eligible for the lower interest rates of the federally funded student loans. Talk about a kick in the pants. Didn't matter. I was going to do this. I had moved to the area not having any family or friends there (eventually, God would bless me with people to help me that became my family, but this was way before then).
The worst problem with being poor is just one domino goes down and it can take them all. Have a slew of them go down at the same time and it can be one miserable day, month or even year. Missed a summer semester of school because no classes were offered that I needed--no loans, no GI bill, the bar I was working at closed and top it off with 3 months of no child support because my ex had re-enlisted and somehow his child support had stopped. Some yeoman somewhere made a typo. No income for over 3 months turns into an eviction notice. Scramble to get something, anything put together. Panic sets in. First of all, my boys. Since my youngest has a different father, if they weren't with me, they'd be separated (let's not go into the fact that his child support was so hit and miss that I could never count on it for anything). Second, my ex's wife had once told a bunch of women that I was friends with (well a couple of the women in the group she was talking to are my good friends) that she "liked the boys just fine, but when it was time for them to go, it was time for them to go." I didn't like my boys odds being with someone like that. Third, if you can't get your crap out of that place ASAP, you won't have any crap to be getting. It's hard enough to be poor without realizing that you might lose what little you've got left. No money coming in, no way to make up the difference, and too proud to ask anyone for help. That's the point that no "poor" person wants to be in. That's the point where even a proud "poor" person might think about going to the government. But in truth, having had other friends in the same or similar situations, the government is NOT the poor person's answer. Friends, family, shelters, anything but the welfare system. I'll state it again. Anything but the welfare system.
When you're "poor", all you have left is your dignity. Take that away and you're just a schmuck collecting a welfare check, a stereotype of someone intentionally living off the hard work of others. Yes, you can tell someone like me that you don't mind as long as I'm trying to better myself. Doesn't matter. A "poor" person doesn't want to tell you that they're poor and doesn't define "poor" at some Washington poverty line in the sand. We, and I say this from experience, want a HAND UP, not a HANDOUT. But Washington is NOT worried about HAND UPs. Do away with Welfare altogether. Homeless shelters are full of people that don't want to take a handout from the government. NO ONE WITH ANY PRIDE OR DIGNITY WILL TAKE WELFARE. PERIOD.
I didn't take Food Stamps--not that I wouldn't have. It would take several days of missed classes to get Food Stamps. Not worth flunking out of school for Food Stamps--have the temporary solution ruin the permanent solution? Would that make any sense to anyone?
I did take Free School Lunches. It also meant my boys got Free Breakfast. Less than $10K a year. It meant I only had to come up with one square meal a day during the week.
I did appreciate when friends gave me hand-me-downs that were in great condition.
I did appreciate the friends that helped me when I was evicted. The money they gave me, telling me to pay it forward, has been paid forward over double in the last 10 years. That's right. When the "poor" get out, they help others in the same condition generally. I had a friend in school who came from a very poor rural African American community when I was at Clemson. His dream was to design roller coasters. He had been very fortunate to have someone help him get into Clemson and help him believe he could achieve his dream. The dream didn't quite pan out; he did graduate with me with a BS in Mechanical Engineering. But unable to find a job in roller coasters, he chose to go back to that small poor community to become a mathematics and science teacher. His words to me upon this decision, "The kids in my community need positive role models. They need to see they can achieve more. If they see me, they'll know it's true."
I really appreciated that churches, schools and civil organizations collect food for the holidays and made sure once my name got on their list that I got all the fixins for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, excepting the turkey. It wasn't that hard to figure in $20 for a turkey.
And, I really appreciated the Toys For Tots organization. Not because I ever needed a hand-out other than that first year--which I wasn't on anyone's radar for. I managed to work at a bar to pay for extras--if you want to call them that. But because I did know people that needed it more than me that did get that extra help from someone other than the government.
So, the government wants to help the "poor". Here's some real suggestions:
1. All we are is all we know. The lifelong poor have to know they have options. Nothing is more depressing to a child who's smart to have everyone around them telling them they won't go to college. It permeates the "poor" like a cancer that holds them all down. Reagan (or his advisors) had it right. Every kid that's capable should have the opportunity to go to college.
2. College education should be helped with federally funded student loans. Michele Obama herself benefited from the Reagan era college benefits. Funny how it doesn't seem to be a priority with her now. If you were poor or even lower middle class, you've got no right to forget where you've been.
3. College education should not be out of the reach of those that have families that want a better life. Student loans should take into account the fact that a single parent needs more than the average college student right out of high school. That will only happen with Federally funded help. In addition, companies should be encouraged to help pay for school more than they are now. Most companies have to require that the degree benefits them in some way. How in the hell does someone on the plant floor get a nursing degree or pre-law or some other degree that will benefit society if we don't encourage big businesses to invest in our society's future? Yes, I'm talking about tax breaks as an incentive. More degrees = more pay = more tax revenue eventually. We should be investing in our society as a whole. And student loans are repaid--figure out how to re-cycle the money instead of stealing it to pay for other stuff.
3. Give deeper tax breaks for those that give time and money to volunteer organizations. The "poor" will go to the Salvation Army, churches, soup kitchens and veterans' organizations way before they'll even walk into a government office begging. We should encourage each other to give, not just talk, but walk the talk.
4. Forget the subsidized housing. No one wants to live in it, not even the people that are too proud to take welfare but have to take the housing. Figure out something better. There has to be. Over 500 people in Congress and the President and hundreds of staffers and this is the best you idiots can come up with? Probably because you've never been there or because you forgot what it was like there when you were.
5. Stop mainstreaming the education system.
5A. Hell, even in an upper middle class neighborhood now I had to hear about how a kid was beating his head against a wall and the teacher and principal couldn't do anything about it. The one child's needs should not be equal or trump the needs of 29 or more other children in that classroom.
5B. In the "poorer" schools, the smarter children are being literally held back because the less talented children can't keep up. The only exceptions are being made for the "gifted and talented" who get extra care. But let's face it, the system is dragging down the rest of the kids in those schools. The kids who might be above the median students, still eligible for college if they could get the money, well, they can't concentrate when they see someone being rewarded (allowed to be mainstreamed) for bad behavior or behavior that isn't mentally healthy. If a child is a below average "special needs" child, then they belong with other children that have similar needs--not dragging down the other children.
6. Healthcare? Guess what? The reason that so many people don't have health insurance has zero to do with the government. Medicaid has always been available. Again, how many "poor" people do you really think run out and register for Medicaid? I had a poor friend that went and registered when she got pregnant--and the only reason was concern for the unborn child. She didn't get on Medicaid before that and she was off as soon as she got a full time job with benefits after the birth of the child. Again, pride and dignity are going to prevent people from running to the government for help.
Don't believe me? That these might help or that pride and dignity are often more important to people than a handout? Take your *sses to a homeless shelter. They're not all mentally ill and unable to hold a job. In fact, most are people that just don't want to depend on a handout. They still want to set a better example. Veterans make up a large majority of the homeless in some areas. We're taught to survive, to adapt and overcome. Yes, some have PTSD severely, but some, like the rest of the majority of homeless, are not willing to take handouts. It's embarassing. It's admitting that you've failed. It's entering a world of the stereotype that we've come to accept as "freeloaders". But the "freeloaders" shouldn't be held in the highest contempt either. The "freeloaders" are often, as my first recommendation states, people who all they are is all they know. They are the people that have given up--either because life has finally gotten the better of them or because that is the only life that they know. They don't truly want the "handout" either, but they have no other view, no other option, no escape. We make no effort to free them with opportunities. It's like we need a "freeloader" group to blame. We've, by policies, laws and societal attitudes, stripped them of their dignity and found a way to keep them there.
Ok, so I wasn't born "a poor black child", as my title reference jokes. I was born to educated parents to a great middle class life. I was raised Republican. My father was a naturalized US citizen. I decided at an earlier age to earn it on my own (which in retrospect was the hard way). My family would've gladly given me a leg up. They would've probably helped me if I had told them how far down I had sunk. But if I had, my father still would've been tickled pink at my success, but I know that it would've lost something for me. I know this, because I know how it feels to be "poor". I've observed good friends that have been or are struggling "poor". So this will sound a tad huffy, but honestly, I am probably the best to state that "poor" is a relative term. Poor has nothing to do with a poverty level. "Poor" in the government use of the word references a state of mind that only someone that has given up or someone who really has no true concept of the word would use. "Poor" is where none of us want to be and no one that actually is "poor" wants to ever admit. Yes, you have abusers of the system, and I'd love to help them out of it. They abuse the system, because "all we are is all we know". We could argue the perverbial chicken and egg all day, but the system by sheer existence with no REAL help--handouts instead of hand-ups--creates the view of some to see their only way out is to abuse the system. Who's fault? Who cares?!?! It's not relevant. What is relevant is I don't ever want to hear "I'm poor" from someone who lives off $20K a year with no dependents that can still afford a 6 pack. That's not poor and it is indicitive of the concept that buries the real "poor" in a system that is designed to keep them buried.
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