Knowing it's almost Christmas, the Winter Solstice celebration, Hanukkah just passed, and various other religious holidays all focused on appreciating who we are, what we have and friends and family, I'm a little loathe to breach this subject. But truth is this really is the time of the year for reflection on not just how much we have to be thankful for, but also other people... Moreover, how we treat people, how we view them and whether or not the people we listen to, particularly in regards to others, are even worth having an impact on our own opinions. I suppose I was raised "right" in the sense I was always told to form my own opinion. I'm not always "right" but my own assessment of an individual is the only one that matters. I don't, nor do I have to, like everyone my friends do. Likewise, they are not responsible to like who I do, and while I sometimes agree with their assessments of certain other people, I choose who I like, who I trust and who is worthy of my time. My time is my most precious resource. In fact, it is the only true resource any and all of us have. So I don't like that a lot of people seem to think they save that precious resource by trusting someone else's evaluation of another. Doing that is worse than letting someone else tell you how to spend your money. If you wouldn't trust their opinion on your money, then why your time or who you like or even trust?
There's a friend of mine who by many's assessments is an unlikeable b*tch. She's outspoken. Yes. She's gotten into it with let's call him JoeBob. Of course, JoeBob gets into it eventually with everyone, even some of the more mild people I know. JoeBob even periodically really manages to piss off his closest friends with things he says. So, this same amazing woman is honest, only states facts when she says why she does or doesn't like something, and will always try to help someone in need. Truth be told if someone is a jerk, she'll probably let him or her know but only after multiple opportunities for the person to leave well enough alone. Since I moved home, several people have bad mouthed her to me. Well, Grams used to say "consider the source". So let's go there, shall we?
One person I know is the absolute loudest, and yes, I mean by volume, person I have ever met in my life. Now, I like her overall, but she can be so over the top that there are days I choose to not attend things or go to certain places just because I don't feel like having a headache later. It doesn't help that she generally talks out of her butt on many subjects. She has even gone so far as to tell me what I witnessed first hand wasn't what happened even though she wasn't in hearing range of what actually occurred. I've listened to her "promise" to bring business to an acquaintance who works as mechanic after he's identified the issue she needs fixed, but then turn around and take it to a different mechanic, tell him what the problem is, and have the second guy fix it. Both of them are great mechanics, both are going to charge her about the same amount, but I suspect she has to sound like she knows what she's talking about. Can't do that without the first guy telling her what's what. On top of all that, yes, there's actually more, she places trust in people that have screwed her over and has sung their praises to me and others numerous times, referring to one as a brother over and over. It's like listening to one of Charlie Manson's murdering women. So Munchausen it's pathetic. I do know people that believe what she says about others, but I don't trust anyone who takes abuse from others ever. How do you know they're in an abusive Munchausen situation? They're loud all the time, they are consistently flip flopping on their opinions of certain people and things and cannot be trusted to keep the most miniscule part of their word--like taking their vehicle to the person who diagnosed the problem especially after saying they would. Anything they say, about anyone or anything, positive or negative, should be taken as seriously as you would Ron White claiming he's drinking Coke instead of Scotch.
One person I know is the absolute loudest, and yes, I mean by volume, person I have ever met in my life. Now, I like her overall, but she can be so over the top that there are days I choose to not attend things or go to certain places just because I don't feel like having a headache later. It doesn't help that she generally talks out of her butt on many subjects. She has even gone so far as to tell me what I witnessed first hand wasn't what happened even though she wasn't in hearing range of what actually occurred. I've listened to her "promise" to bring business to an acquaintance who works as mechanic after he's identified the issue she needs fixed, but then turn around and take it to a different mechanic, tell him what the problem is, and have the second guy fix it. Both of them are great mechanics, both are going to charge her about the same amount, but I suspect she has to sound like she knows what she's talking about. Can't do that without the first guy telling her what's what. On top of all that, yes, there's actually more, she places trust in people that have screwed her over and has sung their praises to me and others numerous times, referring to one as a brother over and over. It's like listening to one of Charlie Manson's murdering women. So Munchausen it's pathetic. I do know people that believe what she says about others, but I don't trust anyone who takes abuse from others ever. How do you know they're in an abusive Munchausen situation? They're loud all the time, they are consistently flip flopping on their opinions of certain people and things and cannot be trusted to keep the most miniscule part of their word--like taking their vehicle to the person who diagnosed the problem especially after saying they would. Anything they say, about anyone or anything, positive or negative, should be taken as seriously as you would Ron White claiming he's drinking Coke instead of Scotch.
Trust and trustworthy are two drastically different things. I know an immature, spiteful, manipulative older man. Grams would say "trust is a two way street". Years ago I believed that, but after being exposed to people like this horrible man, I've realized Grams missed the mark on this one. Trust is not a two way street. Trust is one way. We give it, and we hope with all the hope of an expectant mother that we've given it to someone trustworthy. This jerk doesn't actually trust anyone, and the trust he "gives" is only reward for behaving as he would manipulate anyone into. He prays on the trustworthy under the guise of giving trust. His idea of trust is buying a brand new motorcycle on a whim without even mentioning it to his wife, because it's his money. Well sure it is, but trustworthy people converse like adults about financial decisions with their spouses. Just because he took her trust in him for granted doesn't make him trustworthy. In fact, that alone makes him untrustworthy. Trustworthy people don't need to be trusted to be trustworthy. Trustworthy is internal to ourselves. We choose to be trustworthy. Just because someone trusts us doesn't mean we have to trust them, and it doesn't mean they are trustworthy. Their opinions of others are only useful to their own end just like with this guy and the lack of trust and respect he gave his wife. If we treat someone poorly, or form a poor opinion of another, based in any way, shape, or form on this guy's opinion, what does that say about us? Are we too stupid and trustworthy to recognize manipulation? Immaturity? Spite? It cannot be a good thing to be that blind.
Recently, I read a blog from a woman who's ex-husband bad mouthed her through the divorce and continued to until she stopped paying him, his lies, and the shallow people repeating his lies any attention. As I read the blog, I thought "hell sweetie, it's not that he or those shallow gossipers quit. It's that you stopped bothering with it.". Regardless what went through my mind, there's no one more ridiculous to allow to influence what we think about anyone. The motivations behind what someone is saying about someone else should always be in the forefront of our minds. Is the person a woman scorned? A cheating spouse? Amazingly in my observations over the years, cheaters tend to talk more crap than the cheated on do. A control freak? From the outside looking in, control freaks can look as the most amiable of them all. Take the BTK serial killer. A supposedly devout Christian man, a deacon, a pillar of the community...who just happened to be one of the most sadistic serial killers ever. When listening to anyone about anyone else, we should say to ourselves: is she jealous? Is he letting his religious beliefs pass judgment? Are they covering up their own follies? No one will call the kettle black more than the pot.
I know..."Alex, it's Christmas time, really?" But this is supposedly the time for good will towards all, not some. This is truly the time of the year to think about how we view and treat others, not just the ones we love or like, but even the ones we don't like or think we don't. Grams used to say "never judge a book by it's cover". The cover could be beautiful with no substance between the covers but likewise beauty doesn't make someone ugly inside either. What makes someone ugly is treating people like crap based on our own prejudice, and by prejudice, I mean it in the more formal definition of pre-judging another before we've given ourselves the opportunity to get to know them. I'm not saying go out there and like everyone. I don't, so I'm not saying that at all. I'm simply saying base your opinion on your observations, leave others' tainting out of your opinion. Keep in mind that those types--manipulative, jealous, ugly inside--are picking out the most negative thing they can pick out or make up and trying to get you to focus on that instead of the person as a whole. Just try to remind yourself, not just during the holidays but all year round, that you don't have to like everyone, but you can always find something you like about anyone and everyone. Focus on the positive in others and the positive in you will bloom in the process.
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