Many of you, particularly my female friends, often post about people judging you or your life being none of their business. This "rant" and it's advice doesn't just apply to the ladies though.
First, I know, understand, empathize and sympathize with everything each of you complains about. It's not easy being you. I don't care what you do for a living or how much money you make. Shit happens and you have to deal with it regardless of your circumstances. Bills still have to be paid. Groceries still have to be bought. Kids still need help with their homework. Dinner all needs to be cooked. The daily routine all needs to happen even when someone is in the hospital. You suddenly have to take care of your sick mother. The tire went flat, and you find out you out it can't be fixed and have to buy a new one. Your kid has an emergency and needs to borrow money. The water heater isn't working and had to be replaced. You dropped your cell phone and now it's not working. The list goes on and on and on.
Believe it or not, it's just life and it happens to all of us. Nothing ever goes 100% to plan. It's even mathematically impossible technically. For every variable that you have no control over, there's up to an exponential possibility of the plan not going to plan. So when even the best laid plans go completely off track, just know there are always those factors you have no control over.
The best you can do in those moments? Well, my particular favorites are to fret over nothing, try and talk myself into reason with logic, or privately mope about it until I figure something else out. Every so often, screaming about it might be an option too (seems like this option is more common at at certain time of the month for me). Sure, none of that sounds very adult, but that's only because we've been told it isn't.
What isn't adult? Kicking someone while their down. Hell "kicking" them at all. Pointing out their flaws like big billboards. Trying to belittle and demean, especially behind someone's back, to others. You know why you feel "judged" and are tired of it? These worthless people do it to other people right in front of you. You say nothing. You might even agree with the mean or hateful or spiteful things they say. Problem is you know when your back is turned, they are probably doing the same to you. Hell, it's not even probably. You know they are. They are like little high school kids who never grew up. They look all grown up, but poof, they are petty and mean for no real reason.
Many times I'll post comments when I see these. Always with the same message. Ignore these types. When you identify people who are like this you just cut them out of your life. No, you don't have to go to the extreme of deleting them from FB or your Twitter or whatever. You can still be polite when you see them. Just consciously lower your opinion of them.
Trust me. This makes a huge difference. I have always given everyone the "benefit of the doubt" as my Grams called it. I might have took it too far. Some people take advantage of you being a good person, so they are stabbing you in the back while you are defending their piss poor behavior. Makes you look weak, and when you realize it, feel weak. But you can also as Grams would say, "take the high road". It doesn't mean take their shit. Be polite. Call them out politely if needed. If not, ignore them. But then, consciously say to yourself "they are not who you thought" and place them at a lower level in your mind in comparison to those who have proven themselves. Sounds easy, right?
It really is that easy. Just do it with one person. Cut them out of your life. Don't do it with the one closest to you that does it all the time. That will be hard. Take baby steps if the majority of people around you are like this to the point of you needing to start small. Cut that obnoxious jerk who dates your friend out. He's going? No. Going to stay home. You have to go? Eh, be polite. Don't engage. Sure. You'll feel initially that you are being unfair. That's you being a nice person. But, once you cut one out? The ease of removing yourself from the rest becomes quite simple.
Sure. You might feel a bit frustrated with the whole thing when you look around you and realize how many people you are removing from an impact on your life, but here's the keywords there: YOUR LIFE. If you go to work, pay your bills, take care of yours, do what you have to do to meet your responsibilities? Well then screw them. Look at them closely. They have all kinds of things that are wrong in their own lives which is why they point out what's wrong in others lives, or even worse, they just love to watch drama unfold like they are at a theater. But again. It's your life, not their entertainment.
What's even more amazing? You're going to feel more comfortable with you. You're going to be able to appreciate your accomplishments more. You're going to be able to feel good about setting new goals for yourself, because you will start to feel like you can do it. Most importantly, you'll realize you were the only one holding you back. They were feeding you with their ugliness, their insecurities, like rats in a sewer leaving more compost for the rest of the world to deal with.
It's time you are good to yourself and walk away from anyone who keeps you from being good to yourself. My favorite saying is "it's never too late to become who you were meant to be". Hop to it.
Sunday, July 29, 2018
Sunday, July 15, 2018
Pay attention and listen to your gut and put them in jail
Recently I promised a blog on fraud here in the USA. It's at an all time high suck fest. I had no idea how bad it was. I knew a friend who had her wallet stolen around Christmas a couple years back, and they cleaned out her accounts. But she eventually got all the money back from the bank's insurance. But how many of you will never get your money back that get scammed? Oh, what? Did you just read that right? Never get your money back? Oh, yes, I just re-typed it and yes, I mean in most scams you will never get your money back. So pay attention...
One woman I know sent $10,000 "bail" for her grandson. Her grandson wasn't in jail, but whoever it was had enough detail about him for her to send $10,000 without calling his parents to see if they knew anything about it. She never thought to ask to speak to her grandson. She wired the money to "save" her grandson. Poof. Gone. No way to track, and contrary to public belief, law enforcement isn't running out there and tracing your money right away. They aren't going to the Western Union to get video surveillance. They won't know who screwed you for years, if ever. Gone.
Another scam, calls you that you owe the IRS. Who wants to hassle with the IRS? No one. Never. Not a single person wants this. I know other people who had this call who got scammed out of anywhere from $500-$5000, yes five thousand, cash. They ask you to wire it and that account will be gone by the time you figure it out. Or the latest is asking you to get Apple or Google Pay cards. I got one of these calls. I bust out laughing at the bitch. I know I owe the IRS I told her and you've got the wrong amount. "Plus," I said, "you don't sound like the dude that's actually handling the case. So I'll give him your phone number when I talk to him next week." Click. She hung up on me. Haven't had that or any scam call since. But in these cases? No, you will not be getting your money back. Poof. Gone.
Another scam call is that you are going to jail for not paying a bill to a jail, to the county, to the state. The cops are coming right now if you don't pay them now. They'll be at your door. Right....In the USA we do not have a "debtors' prison". Hang up.
Of course, a lot of people I know have had to take out emergency loans. Most people that have to do this go to some place locally, but recently, these people have started doing this online. You know payday loans type places. Like those aren't a big enough scam on their face value. But, nothing like kicking a dog while it's down, right? Scammers are now fronting themselves as these "payday loan" type places online. They get you to give them your banking information, and poof, they clear out what you had left in your account and whatever the bank will allow you to overdraft. You're stuck with the bank fees and the loss. But that's covered right? Technically? NO. You provided your bank information. So, you're out what they scammed you.
Or they will give you a loan, but they need to deposit money into your account to prove it's you and your account. They deposit to your account with a fake check, you take the money that isn't really ever going to be there (fake) from your account and purchase an Apple or Google pay card. You give them the money back and they will deposit the full loan. Both checks are bad. You're out the money you took out of your own account and the bounced check fees and now you have a whole mess to clean up on top of whatever bad thing is going on in your life already. Oh and you are out all the money they scammed you out of. Poof. Gone.
Another scam? There's so many I'm just hitting the highlights. Even legitimate companies will pull scams. Quicken Loans is notorious for charging people $200 to $800 to help process their loans and then never approve the mortgages. They'll basically lead you down the path of you are already approved and you're out if they don't approve. This has actually happened to 4 people I know and yours truly. They took me for $400. They took a really good friend for $600. The other 3 people I know of are people who told me their stories after they heard me telling someone else. Buying a car? We all know used car salesmen are "greasy". But, CarMax? The cars are guaranteed, with warranties for the duration of the loan usually. But the cars are severely overpriced for the market and the loans have extremely high interest rates. Yet, they pray on the "Buy here, pay here" concept that people with poor credit have to accept. Miss a payment? They come get the car before they legally can. I've known a couple of kids, twenty somethings, that got taken by them. Legally, they can't take a car until you've missed that actual 3rd payment, but they don't expect the kids to know this. And honestly, did you?
Even when you buy online, it's buyer beware. A friend ordered a pair of shoes. She got the wrong size and couldn't get a hold of someone to exchange them. But when I spoke to a lady who works in the fraud department of a credit union, she told me this is just the tip. One woman got a pair of used flip flops instead of $200 shoes she ordered. Technically, the company was gone before she ever got the flip flops. The credit union, Visa or whoever, still hadn't decided to pay her the money back, because "she had received the goods" and the receipt basically said "product may not be the same as the picture". What the hell? Yes, and she probably is out the money. It's not even considered a "scam" at that point technically. So for obvious reasons, it's better if you buy from proven vendors that you can trust like Amazon, websites for actual stores you know, or go to the brick and mortar store if you want to buy something "special".
What are some tips to avoid being scammed?
1. Ask questions. Learn to question everything. If it sounds like a scam, walk away. Even if it's not, you're better safe than sorry.
2. Don't immediately agree to anything. No Apple Pay or Google Pay. No wiring money. No account numbers to anyone that you don't know for sure is legitimate.
2A. Double check website addresses. Some scammers will send you a link that looks like a store you visit. Before entering any personal information, make sure that website is the actual store's website. Most common they will use something like gapp.com instead of gap.com. You'll miss it if you aren't paying attention.
3. Never, ever give anyone your information over the phone when they call you. If they have called you, they should know who you are. If they ask you to confirm this phone number, work number, email address, social security number, birthday, what bank you use, say no. JUST SAY NO.
3A. If they call and leave you a number to call them back, double check the number is their number on the company's website or the back of your card. Do not call back a number that isn't legitimate. Call the legitimate number and report it to their fraud department.
4. Remove the sense of urgency. No one is coming to take you to jail or a loved one to jail because you didn't pay the IRS. Even if you owe the IRS, they're not coming. Unless you committed mass tax fraud, but then you already know it. They've seized your assets, frozen all your accounts, and you probably have hidden accounts in the Cayman Islands to try and leave the country before the FBI is coming to get you. The average American like you or me? Hell no. Hang up.
5. Your child, grandchild, best friend, your dog is NOT in jail. Tell them you will have to call their mom, dad, cousin--make up a name if they ask for one, get as much information as you can, but don't give them any information. Ask to talk to whoever they claim. This should be hilarious if it's your dog (yes, the dog example actually comes from a friend these scammers called--please record so your friends will have a good laugh). Say you have to follow up, because you don't have what they are asking for. Where can you get in touch with them. What's the name of the jail, the town, the person calling? You start asking questions--they will probably hang up. IF they are willing to tell you, call the FBI in your state with all the details that you got before they hung up.
6. Post the basic gist of any scam to social media to warn your "friends". They tend to call several numbers from the same area for a few days. Just don't post the phone numbers--they will use these numbers for a while if they don't get called out. In many cases, that is one way they might get caught. I know it's tempting to post everything. But don't. If you turn it over to the FBI, they probably have a larger picture and you want them to be able to use it to catch these people.
Since odds are actually pretty good you will not be getting your money back, your goal should be gathering as much information and giving it to the FBI. Maybe they will recover some money and get you some back. But you want them at least sitting in jail, so they can't scam anyone else for a while and you have the satisfaction of knowing they're behind bars.
One woman I know sent $10,000 "bail" for her grandson. Her grandson wasn't in jail, but whoever it was had enough detail about him for her to send $10,000 without calling his parents to see if they knew anything about it. She never thought to ask to speak to her grandson. She wired the money to "save" her grandson. Poof. Gone. No way to track, and contrary to public belief, law enforcement isn't running out there and tracing your money right away. They aren't going to the Western Union to get video surveillance. They won't know who screwed you for years, if ever. Gone.
Another scam, calls you that you owe the IRS. Who wants to hassle with the IRS? No one. Never. Not a single person wants this. I know other people who had this call who got scammed out of anywhere from $500-$5000, yes five thousand, cash. They ask you to wire it and that account will be gone by the time you figure it out. Or the latest is asking you to get Apple or Google Pay cards. I got one of these calls. I bust out laughing at the bitch. I know I owe the IRS I told her and you've got the wrong amount. "Plus," I said, "you don't sound like the dude that's actually handling the case. So I'll give him your phone number when I talk to him next week." Click. She hung up on me. Haven't had that or any scam call since. But in these cases? No, you will not be getting your money back. Poof. Gone.
Another scam call is that you are going to jail for not paying a bill to a jail, to the county, to the state. The cops are coming right now if you don't pay them now. They'll be at your door. Right....In the USA we do not have a "debtors' prison". Hang up.
Of course, a lot of people I know have had to take out emergency loans. Most people that have to do this go to some place locally, but recently, these people have started doing this online. You know payday loans type places. Like those aren't a big enough scam on their face value. But, nothing like kicking a dog while it's down, right? Scammers are now fronting themselves as these "payday loan" type places online. They get you to give them your banking information, and poof, they clear out what you had left in your account and whatever the bank will allow you to overdraft. You're stuck with the bank fees and the loss. But that's covered right? Technically? NO. You provided your bank information. So, you're out what they scammed you.
Or they will give you a loan, but they need to deposit money into your account to prove it's you and your account. They deposit to your account with a fake check, you take the money that isn't really ever going to be there (fake) from your account and purchase an Apple or Google pay card. You give them the money back and they will deposit the full loan. Both checks are bad. You're out the money you took out of your own account and the bounced check fees and now you have a whole mess to clean up on top of whatever bad thing is going on in your life already. Oh and you are out all the money they scammed you out of. Poof. Gone.
Another scam? There's so many I'm just hitting the highlights. Even legitimate companies will pull scams. Quicken Loans is notorious for charging people $200 to $800 to help process their loans and then never approve the mortgages. They'll basically lead you down the path of you are already approved and you're out if they don't approve. This has actually happened to 4 people I know and yours truly. They took me for $400. They took a really good friend for $600. The other 3 people I know of are people who told me their stories after they heard me telling someone else. Buying a car? We all know used car salesmen are "greasy". But, CarMax? The cars are guaranteed, with warranties for the duration of the loan usually. But the cars are severely overpriced for the market and the loans have extremely high interest rates. Yet, they pray on the "Buy here, pay here" concept that people with poor credit have to accept. Miss a payment? They come get the car before they legally can. I've known a couple of kids, twenty somethings, that got taken by them. Legally, they can't take a car until you've missed that actual 3rd payment, but they don't expect the kids to know this. And honestly, did you?
Even when you buy online, it's buyer beware. A friend ordered a pair of shoes. She got the wrong size and couldn't get a hold of someone to exchange them. But when I spoke to a lady who works in the fraud department of a credit union, she told me this is just the tip. One woman got a pair of used flip flops instead of $200 shoes she ordered. Technically, the company was gone before she ever got the flip flops. The credit union, Visa or whoever, still hadn't decided to pay her the money back, because "she had received the goods" and the receipt basically said "product may not be the same as the picture". What the hell? Yes, and she probably is out the money. It's not even considered a "scam" at that point technically. So for obvious reasons, it's better if you buy from proven vendors that you can trust like Amazon, websites for actual stores you know, or go to the brick and mortar store if you want to buy something "special".
What are some tips to avoid being scammed?
1. Ask questions. Learn to question everything. If it sounds like a scam, walk away. Even if it's not, you're better safe than sorry.
2. Don't immediately agree to anything. No Apple Pay or Google Pay. No wiring money. No account numbers to anyone that you don't know for sure is legitimate.
2A. Double check website addresses. Some scammers will send you a link that looks like a store you visit. Before entering any personal information, make sure that website is the actual store's website. Most common they will use something like gapp.com instead of gap.com. You'll miss it if you aren't paying attention.
3. Never, ever give anyone your information over the phone when they call you. If they have called you, they should know who you are. If they ask you to confirm this phone number, work number, email address, social security number, birthday, what bank you use, say no. JUST SAY NO.
3A. If they call and leave you a number to call them back, double check the number is their number on the company's website or the back of your card. Do not call back a number that isn't legitimate. Call the legitimate number and report it to their fraud department.
4. Remove the sense of urgency. No one is coming to take you to jail or a loved one to jail because you didn't pay the IRS. Even if you owe the IRS, they're not coming. Unless you committed mass tax fraud, but then you already know it. They've seized your assets, frozen all your accounts, and you probably have hidden accounts in the Cayman Islands to try and leave the country before the FBI is coming to get you. The average American like you or me? Hell no. Hang up.
5. Your child, grandchild, best friend, your dog is NOT in jail. Tell them you will have to call their mom, dad, cousin--make up a name if they ask for one, get as much information as you can, but don't give them any information. Ask to talk to whoever they claim. This should be hilarious if it's your dog (yes, the dog example actually comes from a friend these scammers called--please record so your friends will have a good laugh). Say you have to follow up, because you don't have what they are asking for. Where can you get in touch with them. What's the name of the jail, the town, the person calling? You start asking questions--they will probably hang up. IF they are willing to tell you, call the FBI in your state with all the details that you got before they hung up.
6. Post the basic gist of any scam to social media to warn your "friends". They tend to call several numbers from the same area for a few days. Just don't post the phone numbers--they will use these numbers for a while if they don't get called out. In many cases, that is one way they might get caught. I know it's tempting to post everything. But don't. If you turn it over to the FBI, they probably have a larger picture and you want them to be able to use it to catch these people.
Since odds are actually pretty good you will not be getting your money back, your goal should be gathering as much information and giving it to the FBI. Maybe they will recover some money and get you some back. But you want them at least sitting in jail, so they can't scam anyone else for a while and you have the satisfaction of knowing they're behind bars.
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