Many of you, particularly my female friends, often post about people judging you or your life being none of their business. This "rant" and it's advice doesn't just apply to the ladies though.
First, I know, understand, empathize and sympathize with everything each of you complains about. It's not easy being you. I don't care what you do for a living or how much money you make. Shit happens and you have to deal with it regardless of your circumstances. Bills still have to be paid. Groceries still have to be bought. Kids still need help with their homework. Dinner all needs to be cooked. The daily routine all needs to happen even when someone is in the hospital. You suddenly have to take care of your sick mother. The tire went flat, and you find out you out it can't be fixed and have to buy a new one. Your kid has an emergency and needs to borrow money. The water heater isn't working and had to be replaced. You dropped your cell phone and now it's not working. The list goes on and on and on.
Believe it or not, it's just life and it happens to all of us. Nothing ever goes 100% to plan. It's even mathematically impossible technically. For every variable that you have no control over, there's up to an exponential possibility of the plan not going to plan. So when even the best laid plans go completely off track, just know there are always those factors you have no control over.
The best you can do in those moments? Well, my particular favorites are to fret over nothing, try and talk myself into reason with logic, or privately mope about it until I figure something else out. Every so often, screaming about it might be an option too (seems like this option is more common at at certain time of the month for me). Sure, none of that sounds very adult, but that's only because we've been told it isn't.
What isn't adult? Kicking someone while their down. Hell "kicking" them at all. Pointing out their flaws like big billboards. Trying to belittle and demean, especially behind someone's back, to others. You know why you feel "judged" and are tired of it? These worthless people do it to other people right in front of you. You say nothing. You might even agree with the mean or hateful or spiteful things they say. Problem is you know when your back is turned, they are probably doing the same to you. Hell, it's not even probably. You know they are. They are like little high school kids who never grew up. They look all grown up, but poof, they are petty and mean for no real reason.
Many times I'll post comments when I see these. Always with the same message. Ignore these types. When you identify people who are like this you just cut them out of your life. No, you don't have to go to the extreme of deleting them from FB or your Twitter or whatever. You can still be polite when you see them. Just consciously lower your opinion of them.
Trust me. This makes a huge difference. I have always given everyone the "benefit of the doubt" as my Grams called it. I might have took it too far. Some people take advantage of you being a good person, so they are stabbing you in the back while you are defending their piss poor behavior. Makes you look weak, and when you realize it, feel weak. But you can also as Grams would say, "take the high road". It doesn't mean take their shit. Be polite. Call them out politely if needed. If not, ignore them. But then, consciously say to yourself "they are not who you thought" and place them at a lower level in your mind in comparison to those who have proven themselves. Sounds easy, right?
It really is that easy. Just do it with one person. Cut them out of your life. Don't do it with the one closest to you that does it all the time. That will be hard. Take baby steps if the majority of people around you are like this to the point of you needing to start small. Cut that obnoxious jerk who dates your friend out. He's going? No. Going to stay home. You have to go? Eh, be polite. Don't engage. Sure. You'll feel initially that you are being unfair. That's you being a nice person. But, once you cut one out? The ease of removing yourself from the rest becomes quite simple.
Sure. You might feel a bit frustrated with the whole thing when you look around you and realize how many people you are removing from an impact on your life, but here's the keywords there: YOUR LIFE. If you go to work, pay your bills, take care of yours, do what you have to do to meet your responsibilities? Well then screw them. Look at them closely. They have all kinds of things that are wrong in their own lives which is why they point out what's wrong in others lives, or even worse, they just love to watch drama unfold like they are at a theater. But again. It's your life, not their entertainment.
What's even more amazing? You're going to feel more comfortable with you. You're going to be able to appreciate your accomplishments more. You're going to be able to feel good about setting new goals for yourself, because you will start to feel like you can do it. Most importantly, you'll realize you were the only one holding you back. They were feeding you with their ugliness, their insecurities, like rats in a sewer leaving more compost for the rest of the world to deal with.
It's time you are good to yourself and walk away from anyone who keeps you from being good to yourself. My favorite saying is "it's never too late to become who you were meant to be". Hop to it.
Good advice!
ReplyDeleteBob Davis