used to be...

It's completely normal to look back and think "what if". Most of us certainly end that thought knowing that "what if" might have been great but would have required us to give up something else that we've been blessed with. We then write off what if, with what is. Hopefully, most people are like me and thankful for that what has been given to them and that "what if" could've resulted in worse than whatever is bringing us down.

Today is unfortunately one of those days for me. My kids have been my life, but now that they are teenagers, they've reached the point where i don't know what i'm talking about. I know this is the norm, for any parents--single or not. I also am acutely aware that a lot of single mothers don't bother to try to discipline their children. At a certain point, it means you have to become the disciplinarian, and most of us just don't want to be that person. It's not that we can't do the job. It's that part of the job is draining emotionally. For men, with the deeper voice, generally the larger size, there's less energy needed. There are times where either parent in a two parent home must be the disciplinarian, but being that person 100% of the time is difficult. So I can understand why many other single mothers "give up" or just can't step up to the plate. I also have become acutely aware that I'm different because of it.

So now I'm contemplating "what if" I had never had to step up to the plate and be the disciplinarian all the time. Would I be the same person? Would I be happier? I'm actually a pretty happy person, although some people mistake my sarcastic sense of humor as "unhappy"--which is ridiculous. That's like assuming a person that bottles up all their frustration is happy--which every psychologist, self-help book and general advice columnist will tell you is the fastest way to unhappiness. I do think I would feel more balanced if I hadn't taken on the approach that these boys are my responsibility and accepted that it was up to me to raise them "right". It's so much energy and effort, and sometimes the reward is so minimal--especially as they become teenagers and they know everything. They are so sure that they could do better, know better, trying to define themselves as who they are and who they are going to be--separate of mom and dad.

It would've been easy to blame the failure of my relationship. That's that staple that I've heard over and over from other single mothers and even one single father as their kids became non-productive types...and I don't care what anyone says, both parent homes are just as likely to produce non-productive citizens as single parent homes if there is no one accepting responsibility of disciplining the kids. It's obvious in those stereotypical role homes where the father is absentee because he focuses more on his buddies, alcohol, hunting, fishing, whatever, that the kids there are often suffering from the same lack of discipline and the typical excuses blaming the other parent. (Never have understood why anyone stays in a relationship like that. It seems so self-destructive when looking at it logically, but more power to whoever chooses such misery over being alone.) So yes, it is possible for any home to have the problem, but single parents, particularly single mothers, are so prone to letting their responsibilities waver.

For example, I know a nurse who ended up with a restricted license because she became dependent on little pills to get her through her day after her divorce. Her kids are rotten, horrible kids, and they've gotten worse over the years. Of course, both her and her ex blame each other for the kids behavioral problems--it sounds simplistic and obvious that it's both of their faults. But to me, it's slightly more hers. She became a pill popper and it even affected her job. The kids live with her, it's up to her to try to maintain the discipline, even when he won't. But it gives her something to whine about, "he won't help me discipline the kids and ... is in juvie because he won't help". NO DING-A-LING. The kid is in "juvie" because neither of the asshole parents can see past their own dramas to step up to the plate. Every drama in her life is still her ex's fault. BULL-TWINKIE. She almost completely lost her nursing license because she started popping pills. Her kids are rotten because she never paid much attention to what they were doing--especially when popping her pills. And that revolving door of dick through her house with boyfriend du jour wasn't a good example either. No stability, no good example, and consistent example of blaming someone else for her problems, consistent example of drowning personal issues with crutches like pills, and best making no effort to discipline the kids when they needed it. No limits, no boundaries, and now she still loves to whine about how it's all her ex's fault.

But I'm not one of these women. I stepped up to the plate and no drug addiction, no adverse effect on my career, no boyfriend du jour--du week or du year.....nope. Raise my boys right, keep my career on track so I can afford the sky high grocery bill that the boys create and in fact, keep them in as good of the standard of living that they would've had if I were with someone else. I couldn't have done that with any of the self-destructive behaviors or even a normal social life. I made no effort to find anyone for almost a decade. Over seven years ago, I decided that they needed more than I wanted to find a man to share my life with. I don't regret the decision, but when the mouthy teenager in one of them comes up, ingrateful and unrealistic and just typical teenager, I hit that dreaded moment of "what if". What if I hadn't given up on finding someone new to share my life with, what if I would've kept looking--younger, better looking, more wide-eyed and bushy tailed....where would I be, where would the boys be, and then I snap back to reality, well, after a blog or a long conversation with a friend...I might still be single and have failed to make the best effort to raise them right. And voila, goodbye "what if", hello pounding headache as I step up to the plate to make sure that super smart, knows way more than I do, teenager gets deflated back to the real world where I'm still mom, I'm still the one that pays the bills, and if he wants a roof over his head, he'd better do as I ask....

to brett farve, time to call it a day buddy...

there was a day when we all worshipped brett favre. oh yes, the arm, the looks, and a dedication to everyone's hometown team, the green bay packers. brett favre became synonomous with loyalty, dedication, team spirit in a day where it seems like most people are out for themselves. so what changed? or has it?

brett retires only to come back with a vengence with the consumate rivals, the minnesota vikings. he crushes the packers on their home field. he's now the only qb in the history of the nfl to win against every nfl team. that's a record that will be hard to beat.

brett was in "there's something about mary". yes, we all know that some qb's have big heads and that brett couldn't act his way out of dog attack. but we loved the movie anyway, and we still loved brett. it wasn't that he could act; it was that he couldn't...

so now, maybe it was all a big act. as mr. spotlight seems to have been the love of all cheeseheads, it seems the love and admiration wasn't enough. it was about brett and brett alone all along. what qb doesn't take the bench when a coach asks him to? let alone argue at the sidelines for everyone to observe? yes, i expect that crap from rich gannon. but brett favre? mr. spot-on dedication. mr. green bay himself? oh, right not mr. green bay. not mr. decidely packer qb. nope. mister i'm all in it for myself, didn't ya know? hell no, we didn't know--you jerk!!! sit your ass down. you're not the coach. you're the ball player. you wanna coach, retire and talk some nfl owner into giving you an opportunity. oh, but right, that might be real work and whiny babies can't coach. whiny babies get to be star qb's who are all about themselves, not the team. whiny babies might be able to play the game, but whiny babies aren't leaders. they can fake it under the right coach, but now that favre is out from the coaches, the team and the fans who made him great--we get to see him for what he really is. a whiny baby who is going to refuse to sit the hell down and lose the damn game in the process.

i'm feeling a bit let down (as i'm sure a lot of green bay fans did earlier this season), but i see the light at the end of the tunnel for cheeseheads. favre showed his true colors, ruined his reputation, and well, no nfl team keeps a qb primadonna once his bitchy little ass can't get it done. it's too bad the poetic justice of the buccs versus the raiders in the super bowl won't repeat itself here. but just like gannon, favre has played his last cards, and it's the fans (or lack thereof) that will blow his career away. as for his reputation, well, he blew that away all on his own....

I Love Pam Oliver, DNQ

Pam Oliver. Some of you probably have no idea who she is, so FYI, Pam Oliver is the commentator on the football field for FOX. Oh, yes, every so often a network hits the ball out of the park. They have done so with Pam Oliver. She's better than the blonde dimwit who didn't know a touchdown from a home run that ESPN toots out there every so often. Nice fake tits and the flawless capped teeth couple with long blonde locks can't surpass a good looking real woman with a knowledge of football. Now let me clarify. I'm not offended by the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders or the Raiderettes. I'm not offended by Hooters--in fact, I love their buffalo shrimp and consider it a staple food for a great football game. So the pretty blonde standing on the sideline talking to players doesn't phase me like it might some women. However, a trained monkey would be better at it. Her talking football is like asking most men to talk about make-up. But Pam Oliver is not the blonde ding-a-ling that sheerly got the job on her looks.

I know most people don't think this way, but it probably doesn't occur to most people how big of a stride this is. Some might argue that it's a stride for African-Americans, African-American women, minorities. Blah, blah, blah. Although minorities have it rough in many circumstances, football isn't one of them. Football commentary is definately not one of them. There are lots of men in football commentary--mostly former players and coaches. Although there was a time that you didn't see a black coach, there's none of that discrimination in the NFL anymore. Nope. And you get to see some of the greatest football players become successful commentators regardless of race. But the ESPN blonde that doesn't know anything about football without that earbud in her ear is just right on with the stereotype that women only watch football to appease their men. Bull twinkie. And thanks for FOX network for taking a giant leap in recognizing that hiring a woman, regardless of race, that knows about football is awesome--even better yet, an attractive woman who can speak about football. Yes, Pam Oliver is an attractive woman who "gets" football. Just like Danika Patrick is an attractive woman who can drive a race car. No one needs to hire the pretty idiot just to give the "boys" something to look at. No, they can hire someone who can do the job who happens to be attractive. Honestly if I have 2 games to choose from (usually all I have to choose from at best thanks to the NFL deal with DirectTV--who's the idiot that agreed to this? right sorry, back on point) and I'm up in the air of which game to watch, I watch FOX. In fact, I've started to refrain from watching Monday Night Football that ding-a-ling annoys me that much. I'm positive that ESPN could've found a woman that is attractive and knows football. In fact, I refer to this woman as a ding-a-ling because for the seasons that ESPN has had her, she still doesn't know football. She doesn't even have enough work ethic to learn after getting the job. I don't know who she blew to get the job, but of course, that's what perpetuates that stereotype--an idiot, unqualified, but nice tits, nice smile and nice fake blond in a bottle can have the job because the idiot that hired her was either hoping or did get blown. Meanwhile, FOX hired an attractive football fan to get the job done. So yes, strides for minorities, but the best represented minority here are women. Pam Oliver proves a woman can be attractive and know the job.

We used to say "We've come a long way baby" or "You go girl".... This is better. It's a simple reverence where women who love football (you know those of us that watch whether we have a man watching with us or not) choose to watch FOX over the other networks when the game is on.

stupid assumptions about cheating

Ok, I realize that a lot a people cheat. I realize that there are single people that want to cheat with married people. This whole crap with Tiger Woods has totally become everyone's fascination (how we love to see the mighty fall). BUT over the years I've observed a crapload of cheaters. Ah yes, fascinating idiot savants in my humble opinion. Men and women are different (like that's a complete shock to anyone reading my blog), but somehow, no matter how many times we hear it, some idiot takes the giant leap of faith that it's not. Tiger Woods, any cheating man for that matter, is a perfect example.

Think about it. A single guy dating a married woman....he's looking for "no strings", no complications, no woman hanging on his every word and demanding a shitload of his time. So, that's what a single woman dating a married man is thinking, right? Uh yea, bull twinkie. Men ultimately want a physical relationship, until oops they've fallen into an emotional one. Women want an emotional relationship and many will often use a physical relationship to get the emotional. So here's the married man...thinking that this single chica is dating his ass for "no strings", after all she knows he's married, they're on the "down low". A single guy is all about the "ass" and yes, dating a married woman is all about strings free ass. So a married man, usually assumes that a single woman wanting a married man is also looking for strings free ass....really? If you realize how different men and women can be, then this assumption is simply idiotic.

Women, all women, no matter what we say, we want emotional ties. And some of our bitchy asses are more wacked than others. Some women get an ego feed from taking another woman's man. It's starts simple enough, he's sneeking off, lying, and spending money on this "toy" in his mind--in her mind, he's sneeking off to be with "HER", he's lying to be with "HER", and he's spending his money on "HER". Inflate, inflate, inflate. The more her ego inflates with each time that she "takes" this other woman's man, the more she wants to feed her ego. This becomes like a drug and she's going to call the wife, she's going to make sure that woman knows, and if your ass is famous, expect that bitch to call the Enquirer. We're not talking about a professional call girl, we're talking about a woman with her biological clock ticking and she ain't getting no younger. Even if she's not wanting to have kids, no woman really wants to be alone, no woman (heterosexual woman) doesn't want a man. And if she's screwing one, well that's a 90+% that's the man she wants. But the single woman screwing a married man isn't addicted to the man near as much as she is addicted to taking that man from his woman. It's a contest and she's out to win. No matter what she's calling your wife, eventually. Cat will get out of that bag, and that's one nasty cat. Think about it. What becomes the ultimate ego feed for a woman getting a high off a married man??? Well, duh, the married jerk leaving his wife--ultimately him leaving his wife for her, divorcing the wife for her, and of course, marrying her.

I know, that's ridiculous. Most cheating men aren't leaving their wives. Nope. Most cheating men are never leaving their wives. The only way the single chick lands that married man is if wifey cuts his ass out her life...and seriously girls, who wants another woman's reject??? In fact, some of us probably know cheating men that got kicked to the curb, and the mistress took off too. WHY? Because that bitch wants a man who belongs to someone else. It's like a drug. She's feeding her ego. She needs that drama. She needs to feel more important than another woman.

Here's the real world: a woman wants a man for emotional satisfaction--ultimately for some women this is all about their ego and emotional satisfaction. For a woman knowingly dating a married man, it's all about her ego. We will know about it. Only a crazy bitch is screwing a married man knowingly, and that bitch is saving the dress.

The single guy dating a married woman...do we even know of a highly publicized married woman called out on the carpet by her boy toy? ummm...hold on...I'm thinking....wait, no..still thinking....hell NO, because a single guy dating a married woman isn't worried about his ego being destroyed if she stays with her husband--in fact, that's the whole point for him. If he does get hooked, even he doesn't want anyone to know. But that crazy bitch will, every single time. Hell Tiger--10 came out in the last week or so...oh and don't give me that crap about they didn't all admit to it, some of them were more discreet, blah, blah, blah...them bitches told somebody--end result--world knows. That comes from the simplest rule we all know about women (and I'm a woman so I can admit it)--all women have to talk about what they are thinking, feeling, needing, et cetera. And a crazy bitch, well, she's calling your wife eventually and if you're Tiger Woods or Bill Clinton or JFK, expect her to show up to your birthday party with your wife and a couple friends and sing "Happy Birthday" in the sexiest sleeziest voice over the loud speaker.