Monday, April 18, 2016

Friendship....it might be all on you...

This blog has been difficult for some reason.  Friendship changes over time, but the truth is that if you complain about how few friends you have...it's on you.  I've got a lot of friends.  Good, great, best friends.  I'm a dedicated friend and the only time I used to give up or "lose" friends would be when I realized that they were backstabbing POSs.  When people have your back through thick and thin, that is what real friendship is about.  There are layers of friendship.  Friends are better than acquaintances.  Good friends are better than friends.  Great friends are better than good friends.  Best friends are well the best of the friends you can have.  But the different levels have nothing to do with whether you have friends or don't have friends.  Everyone can find at least one or two people that are as honest or as deceitful or as whatever as they are.  That's just a fact.  Honest people might only have one or two.  Dishonest people might only have one or two.  Shallow people can have a slew of "friends" but no one that trusts them or that they trust.  Why do any of us only have a "couple" versus those of us that have several good, great or best friends?  I've got enough good, great and best friends that I can tell you what they all have in common.  True friendship is there no matter what and true friendship is through thick and thin.  

What isn't true friendship?  Well, true friendship expects nothing in return.  If you want something for being someone's friend, expect them to be at your beck and call, expect them to like who you like, dislike who you don't like, expect them to always agree with you, then you probably don't have any friends.  Sorry, just true.  If you have ever screwed one of your "friends" significant others--boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, even currently dating but not all the way there yet--yes, you.  You are not a friend, let alone a good or great or best friend.  You're a sleezoid and the only "real" friends that you have are other sleezoids.  I know.  You think they are your friends.  Nope.  In the back of their minds, subconsciously, they know you're worthless and they are probably equally worthless.  Grams used to say "birds of a feather flock together".  It's not always true, but when you talk about sleezy people, it's spot on.  Good people just don't hang out with people that might screw them over on a regular basis.  Of course, most true friends don't have to be up each other's butts to still be friends.  True friends don't monopolize their friends' time.  They don't try to manipulate them into doing what they want to do.  It takes some time to realize when someone does try to manipulate you, so don't beat yourself up if you happen to find out that someone you thought was a "good" friend turns out to not be.  True friendship is precious, but true friendship accepts you the way you are.  Unless you're one of those backstabby or unpredictable people or clearly might sleep with someone's spouse.  Then, no one with any sense is accepting you the way you are, except other whore bags, and there's an irony there.  Even they don't trust you, so that's not going to be true friendship either.

Oh, I know, I'm being harsh.  It's not harsh.  It's just fact.  Too many people are not trustworthy anymore, but then seem shocked, and offended in many cases, that someone drops their @sses like hot potatoes.  Why so shocked?  You get out of friendship what you put in...Like in any relationship, everything might be 90%-10% today, 10%-90% next week, 30-70, 40-60, 80-20, but it all equals out to 50-50.  If it doesn't equal out, and I'm not talking about financially but personal investment--after all "normal" people have friends to have friends, not to gain, so someone who you find seeming to "gain" or trying to gain from your friendship might be less than a friend than you thought.  Likewise, if you happen to be one of those people that seems to always shove your way or no way down everyone's throat, then you're probably an asshole, not a friend.  Don't get me wrong.  Sometimes, you might have to remind even a true friend to respect you, but true friends are there when it counts not when it's convenient for them.  

Convenience isn't about friendship.  It's about having what you want and not really caring about anyone else.  I've known plenty of people that are all about their own convenience but not really that great at being friends.  Well, they're not, because they think you owe them something for being your friend.  No one should owe you anything for your friendship and vice versa.  If you don't put forth any effort to check on your friends and expect them to constantly be the ones checking on you, well, that's another sign you're a lousy friend.  It's all on you.  No, I know that isn't nice, but I've tried to write this blog as sugar coated as possible and it comes off as fake and like it's missing something.  It's been missing the truth.

And the truth is what every friendship, true friendship, is based on.  You tell your true friends your real thoughts and if you can't, then they aren't really as good of friends as you thought they were.  Levels of sharing come with levels of friendship--friend, good, great, best--more truth and sharing with higher levels.  No truth at all--acquaintance or less.  Friendship has to have some amount of trust and without truth there is no trust.  

I'd love to tell you that I have never been screwed over and how to avoid being disappointed by someone that you think of as friend.  But here's the thing:  Friendship is not a two way street sometimes.  The trick is to downgrade someone that you thought was a great friend to just a friend when you realize that's where they put you.  If you can't, then well, part of it is on you.  It doesn't mean that you are a bad person for degrading them, and it doesn't actually necessarily mean that they are bad person for not being as good of a friend as you thought either.  It just means true friendship can only be sustained when the friends are putting the same investment in the friendship.  If you're putting in too much--back the f*** off.  BAM.  Don't whine about how they didn't put in as much as you.  So what?  Put in as much as they do.  If that happens to be nothing, don't beat yourself up over it.  Move on.  There are actually people that are good at being friends out there, and it's not your fault you are a better friend than someone you are "friends" with is.  Leave it at that.  If they come back wondering where you've been, they might just want something--using you--or they might have been too busy for a little bit.  Life does tend to get in the way.  

Oh what do I know about friendship?  I've got a best friend that he and I have been friends for over 42 years.  I've got 3 other best friends that I have been friends with for over 25 years.  I've got several great friends that I've been friends with for years too.  I make friends and I'm loyal.  True friends are genuinely loyal and everyone of my friends that I've been friends with for years are just as loyal as I am.  Loyalty and trust make a long time friend, and sometimes even long time friends will screw up.  But how much they screw up is the sign of where you stand with them and where they should stand with you...slide down a level or out the door altogether.  Friendship is all on you.  What you will put up with, what you won't, and who you choose to call friends.  All on you....

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