First of all, no one seems to agree on anything. The majority of the work, conducted by males (seriously, just can't make that up), shows that women lose estrogen. This has to be bullshit. First of all, I know PMS and I know when mine flares up. Loss of estrogen my butt. An idiot cut me off the other day, and I swear I was more irritated than a pregnant woman who is craving chocolate, pickles and peanut butter isolated from any version of food, who has cold feet and sweaty boobs. Seriously, I thought I was going to sprout wings, and be able to pick up the guy's car like a hawk picking up a mouse. Preferably a super pissed off hawk that really doesn't need to eat, just wants to pick up the mouse and watch it bounce off the ground, again and again and again....and again.....Since I had medical tests at one point to help diagnose hormonal issues, I also have a good feel for when my hormonal levels are off in general. Of course, most women that have above average intelligence can tell you when they are PMS'ing. We're not usually going to tell you, particularly if you are a man, well, because men set a strong precedence hundreds of years ago that we are supposed to keep that kind of stuff to ourselves. Basically men only have other men to blame for being completely clueless on how women work. On the other hand, we women pretty much have men to blame for us not knowing more too. Estrogen lower my butt.
So, I reviewed some data. We actually have higher spikes in estrogen than a teenage girl. That's right. Pregnant women and teenage girls have nothing on some women going through peri-whatever. The problem with the data appears to be that there is so much variation from woman to woman that there's simply no way to really "know". But guess what? None of the data seems to divide us up in any logical way other than age and they think we are peri-whatever. I'm sure that some of this variation is based on race, and probably more so actual regional historical factors. I know several friends that have a strong Anglo-Saxon background complain more than my Native or African descent friends. Of course, I'm only gauging this on my friends who are all American women, so totally unscientific and completely arbitrary bullshit. Pretty much my assessment of every study I wasted my time to review. So what do I know now that I didn't know before that? Nothing. Seriously. I know the couple of symptoms that I actually have are "normal", but that's about it. I mean I have had a couple of migranes. Whoopie. I haven't had hot flashes. I haven't had any more sweating than normal. And the weird stuff with the monthly bozo which varies so much that pretty much short of a mouse crawling out of there, all of us women can mark ourselves as "good". Like I said we know more about sperm swimming than their counterpart eggs. The only thing that we absolutely know is that when the eggs run out, that monthly buddy stops visiting too. YAY!!
But why do we have enough eggs to make it into our 50s anyway? I mean seriously. We all know that if you don't have kids before 35 it's not recommended physically to have one, and after 40 is high risk even if you've already had a healthy pregnancy to full term. Just an hundred years ago the life expectancy for a man was 47 and 53 for a woman. I mean I understand why men come with an unlimited supply of swimmers. The swimmers are pretty much like men. Some of them are really athletic great swimmers and some of them are lazy swimmers just hoping the tide will carry them in there. If swimmers are anything like the people spitting them out, then there's a huge variation in swimming capability. The more there are, the better chance we survive as a species. However, the whole egg thing? Really? I don't see the point in having a 45 year supply--25 years would be more than sufficient. God must've really had no faith in those swimmers. That's a better explanation than anything I could find from the scientific community.
Well, so peripausal, I mean perimenopausal, a friggin mouth full--seriously erectile dysfunction gets called ED. Can we call this PMP? Anyway, it simply means that we are finally running out of eggs. It's kind of exciting to think that bozo won't visit anymore, except no one can tell me how long it takes to run out of eggs. Oh, sure, they can tell me I'm PMP. Yes, I don't care what the doctors want to call it. If we can shorten hard on issues to ED we can shorten that mouth full to PMP. They can tell me I'm peri-whatever, but they can't tell me how long it will last, whether I will develop all or any of the crazy symptoms some women experience, and the best that they can tell me is that I'm not actually menopausal, MP--yes, MP, shut up, until I have been 12 months bozo free. Which sounds like my mother saying "because I said so". You're not menopausal until after 12 months bozo free. Why? Because I said so; now go clean your room.
Admittedly, I've noticed some changes. None of which have been bad, excepting that sometimes I feel like I want to be the Hulk and beat the ever living daylights out of Loki while a crowd in the theater laughs hysterically. Oh right, that's an Avengers movie. Yea, still feel like that sometimes. I've also noticed I'm happier. Seriously, I mean, think about it ladies, who isn't happy that they are going to save $20 a month on product that all you do is literally flush it down a toilet. Let alone not having to worry about ruining my favorite pants or being caught in the middle of something and having to run to the restroom in hopes of beating bozo to the punchline. All kinds of positives if bozo fails to visit anymore.
Someone said the sex drive ends or reduces or something. I looked this up too. They can't even tell us what is a "normal" sex drive for men, let alone for women. Let alone what happens to our drives as we get older, or peri-whatever. So how do you know if it is less or not? I suppose this would be all relative. I'm relatively sure that any reduction for whoever would be "normal" if they could define what is "normal" in the first place. I mean if your drive is like a Ferrari, then if all the sudden you're a VW bug, that would definitely be a "reduction". But if you're a Ferrari and now you're a BMW 500 series, in spite of the more recent bad reviews, you're not a Ford Fiesta, so who cares? Of course, at least the Fiesta gets good gas mileage. The older we get the wiser too. Perhaps we are a little more particular and a lot more motivated. Might not be how fast you get there, just that you get there.
Regardless, for something that women have been going through for literally centuries, oh, shit, that's right. No, we haven't. The average life span wasn't old enough for most women to have experienced PMP, let alone menopause until the last 50 years. So, I suppose we should know more, but there's not a lot of data to know a lot and most of the data is only based on our ages. I guess I'd be disappointed, except I'm still looking forward to never seeing bozo again. Seriously. Happy dance. I just wish they would tell me based on some real data how many more reservations bozo has made....
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