There's a lot to say about moving forward, even though I always thought leaving where I've lived the longest in my life was a good idea. It might have been. When my sister's mother died, I was living back where her mother and my mother were from. No matter what decision I have made based on facts and plans, I've always added my heart into the final decision. That feeling that you get in base of your mind or your heart or tummy, whatever, that tells you this is the right decision or the wrong decision. While certain things haven't worked as I have planned, why I have gotten used to having back up plans to back up plans, eventually hindsight being 20-20 I have always discovered why I am where I am at. To be honest, after I moved away for a promotion, I always got this nagging feeling like I was supposed to be back here. Eventually that nag turned into a large whine that never seemed to shut off. So I started to run through the logical reasons to move back. The people that were always there for my boys and me were my sister and her family. There's a lot to be said about family, especially the family you choose. While I have a lot of very close friends all over the country and even a couple that are living ex-pat, the majority of my good, close and even best friends are here. My youngest while less than happy with the idea; logically, it improved his odds of getting into a better university. But anyone that truly knows me knows that I'm pretty private (ironic when you consider my blog) and in truth I have a habit of wanting to try new things. This isn't exactly the ideal location for that, but in all honesty, everywhere I have lived isn't exactly the ideal location for new adventures. So why in the heck am I back here?
First, no matter where you go in the United States, short of areas that have military bases, the majority of people have grown up there, never been anywhere else except for a week at a time, never really experienced something new. Even a large majority that have served in the military, most of them go home after a tour or two and never venture away again. Those of us that are "wanderers" by heart are a very unique and rare breed. But this area has been in growth mode for over 20 years since BMW built a plant in the Greenville area. "Transplants" are a large percentage of the population, so similar to larger Southern cities it has become a bit of an oasis. Asheville NC has become a very diverse artsy area with beautiful scenic mountains and valleys that would impress a lot of Euro tourists. Greenville itself has been tooted as one of the top 10 cities in the United States to visit for restaurants. Downtown Greenville offering a lot of diversity in cuisine and talent. The impact of European and the rest of the United States having so much influence is that one of the best philly cheese steaks I've had is in Easley SC at a place called Inky's. I have a friend from New York that is set on finding a real slice of NY style pizza, and neither of us have found one yet. But I have this aching feeling that there is one somewhere. People typically move down here for a job, but it's a place most people fall in love with. But of course, there's still something that many of us just don't really get about the area. That pesky never been anywhere, never done anything. This is the way it is and this is the way it's always going to be.
Sure, I'm talking about something about the Southern mentality. There are some things about my Southern friends that I wouldn't change. They tend to get loyalty better than other parts of the country, and I feel like I'm pretty much experienced enough in almost every area of the country to say this is true. When I got back here 4 years ago, my best friends and closest friends were right there to welcome me back. It's hard to explain since I always have friends wherever I have lived that I'm still friends with. I get reminded of that on Facebook all the time, and I'm not trying to diminish their loyalty to me or vice versa. But when we talk about people getting it on a larger, societal scale, well, it's just like that. It is a double edge sword of course. Some people here think that loyalty to them should mean that you can't be loyal to people they don't like. It's like high school mentality on crack. I've always been one of those people who doesn't really care one way or the other if you like me, because I really don't care about anyone I don't like. If I don't like someone, I simply don't give them a second thought. But that switch on what I really like in this area is that some people here will spend a lot of time trying to put others down. Keep them in their place, and they use that wonderful loyalty I'm bragging about to extend their likes and dislikes upon their friends. Not really different than other places, but at the same time, it can also get out of control. It gets to the point that you feel like you are dealing with 40, 50, even 60 somethings that never left high school. Loyalty to your friends should not be dependent on you being accepted by other friends. At that point, anywhere not just here, that's not friendship. You should be able, as an adult, to be loyal to two friends that don't like each other without compromising your friendship with either. Of course, there are plenty of people here that are loyal to who they choose to regardless of other people's inputs, so I'm not here because of that.
A millennial engineer I work is married to a young woman who is from another part of the South, and of course, they love it here, because it's not as "bad" as where she's originally from. They both are very educated; she has a master's degree in her field. She gets pissed when some man tries to tell her what her job is. She knows what her job is. She's probably overqualified for her job. And this probably is a reason that both she and I and even others like us are here. This whole females have their place may have went out the window in most of the USA where women put together bombs, tanks, et cetera in World War II. But here, women have still been pretty limited until the last 20-25 years. When I first graduated from college I used to volunteer to speak at middle and high schools in a prevention program to encourage girls to finish high school, maybe go on to college. Get them out of this get knocked up, have kids, marry, and hopefully be taken care of for the rest of their lives mentality. A young girl in one class told me that it didn't matter because everything was supposed to be paid for by a man. This was only 12 years ago. The drop-out rate for girls at the time was almost 50%. While it might be all fine and dandy to marry your high school sweetheart, I have a couple friends that did and are still happily married to this day, it's also not very realistic with almost a 50% divorce rate. Young women need to be able to support themselves.
Of course, it's not just about being able to support yourself. There's a lot to be said to feeling like you are contributing. God, assuming you believe in some form of God, didn't make all women dumb baby factories. In fact, if you go by average scores in elementary and middle/junior high schools, girls typically do better in school, particularly in math and sciences. If the surrounding society limits these gifted young women to female stereotypes, especially if the most acceptable is baby factory, we limit the entire society. If they have been born with talent to design buildings, debate and understand legal ramifications, to determine how matter works, or phenomenal with numbers and accounting, what a huge waste for them to be limited by society to baby factory. We all know this is another double edged sword. Men are just as capable of being great caregivers, but this stereotype and forced societal norm makes it difficult for some people to see that. Contribution to society should be based on individual gifts and talents, not what sex you happened to be born as. And, anyone that has ever been complimented on a job well done knows what I'm talking about. Imagine never having that opportunity. Yes, I know it still happens in other regions of the US, but I know it happens here far more than anywhere else since I have had the opportunity to observe other regions.
No one can argue that I don't think of myself as equal to any man. I shower, get dressed, go to work, just like anyone else does. But I was raised that way. I met a wonderful Southern gentleman who probably was raised with a lot of these stereotypes who's daughter is an Army officer. A young woman who worked very hard to earn an assignment in the military police. She believes in herself probably a lot in part because of him. For a woman, speaking from experience, your father figures have the most impact in believing in yourself in spite of old stereotypes and societal pressures. But honestly, as I sat questioning my God why am I here? Again? I mean logically I should've headed for a beach somewhere. I know my sister, my friends, they are all very logical reasons for me to be here. I love working in automotive. I love being an engineer. This is a great place for it. But why here and not a beach somewhere or at least close to one? There are other examples here besides me, so not my "responsibility", right? I have a friend that was in the Army--she's a phenomenal example of strong woman in a man's field too. Then, as I'm having this "struggle", a woman asks me if that's a Clemson ring on my hand. She looks it over and notices the "BS" on the side. She asks me if I work. Of course I work. She asks what my "BS" is in and I tell her mechanical engineering. "Ohhhh that's a man's job!!" Ugh. Not a man's job. Really God. That's why I'm here. Sure. I know plenty of us scattered in the area, but women in typically male roles in the area is much smaller than in other parts of the country. I can count my friends and acquaintances that are in stereotypical male roles on my hands. Very few of us. Per capita we are not just a small group. We are almost less than nominal. So few that we barely make a dent.
Why am I back here? I always knew I was somehow attached to this area, even before I moved here. I don't believe in coincidences and if I went through all the coincidences that brought me here in the first place...just wow. I even feel like leaving was only for my sister's sake. Her mother's death was very rough on her and I was working less than 30 minutes away from her mother then. What are the odds? If everything happens for a reason, and I truly believe everything does, then I got my answer just by asking God the question. That's not a man's job. It's a job that I love. I can't imagine working as anything else. I think everyone should love their job as much as I love mine. You spend 1/3 to 1/2 of your life at work. Everyone should be able to love their job. More importantly, no one should give up becoming what would make them so happy just because someone tells them that's a "man's" or a "woman's" job. If a young man wants to be a nurse, he should be able to. If a young woman wants to be an engineer, that shouldn't be ruled out by old ridiculous stereotypes. She should have advocates and examples strong enough to pave the way. It's not ideal. Trust me. I know this, but I trust in God and I got the message loud and clear. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment