Well, we all knew it would finally happen. Black Friday would become part of Thanksgiving. To hell with family and friends, buy, buy, buy!!! This year Target will open at midnight Thanksgiving night, with employees having to be in by 11 pm. Black Friday specials will start online as early as Thanksgiving day--9 pm was the earliest I could find so far. Consumer agencies and retail companies, especially the retail companies, are arguing that 1/3, yes people one-third, of us want to shop on Thanksgiving. Forget about how stuffed most of us are, forget about football, forget about hanging out with the family in front of the fire talking about what we're thankful for. It's all about the almighty dollar in an economy like this and nothing is more about money than the holidays that we show how much we care for our friends and family. We all like to feel good about good deals--especially since lately most of us feel ripped off every day, at the gas pump, for example. But here's the question: have we gone too far when Thanksgiving is now Black Thanksgiving?
Let's put aside the stupid shit like PETA requesting Turkey, Texas to change their name to something else for Turkey day....(GIVE IT A REST PETA. Turkeys are not endangered birds!!! Start worry about something more important, say like, ummm, people!!! Or the bald eagle...) What is Turkey Day, I mean, Thanksgiving really about? We pride ourselves, we as in Americans, on how much we care about family. Thanksgiving is supposed to be that day, a national holiday, about family and friends. We have holidays for veterans and our military--Memorial Day and Veterans' Day. Not everyone is a veteran or service member or even knows one. (Being a veteran these days are important to me, and I'm very proud that most people recognize these days to appreciate the sacrifices that we make and/or made.) We have a day off for Martin Luther King Jr. I believe he was a hero, but again for only a portion of the population. He wasn't tooting for rights for all, because well, some already had them. We celebrate Presidents' Day--which is really a day that was combined to celebrate George Washington's and Abraham Lincoln's birthdays. One as the father of our country as the first President of the United States and the other as the President who saved our great nation from falling off the face of the planet. We at some point decided we couldn't think enough of them to celebrate them separately...or maybe it was the Deep South still couldn't and wouldn't buy into celebrating Lincoln's birthday outright. (Another blog, as usual.) We celebrate New Year's Day when really it's just another day if you really think about it, but a day we dedicate to new beginnings and hope. We celebrate the 4th of July--nevermind that our nation's birthday is actually the 2nd of July. We have Mother's Day and Father's Day and Grandparents' Day and on and on and on...but there is only one day that we dedicate to everything about our way of life. Thanksgiving is about giving thanks for all the people in our lives that mean something to us and sharing with them. Are we already forgetting that?
The CNN/Bloomberg news article I read quoted a 25 year old as saying she'd rather sit outside a store all day Thanksgiving Day rather than camp out overnight to a store opening early Friday morning. Ok. I was 25 once. I was a little more mature than this woman I'm guessing by that age, but I was 19 once upon a time. I remember hating to be cooped up with the family by the fireside and telling stories about the past year, of Thanksgivings passed, and the whole rigamore. I couldn't wait until they got to the point that the turkey, rum, beer, bourbon, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, and football had wore them all out and 8 pm would roll around. My cousins and I would bolt for the door some time after 8 so fast it would make your head spin--for the neighborhood bar where everyone of drinking age up to late 20s would be shooting pool, watching more football, drinking various beverages and celebrating the rest of Thanksgiving with our friends. Hangovers aside, still, I can't imagine giving up any of those Thanksgivings to go shopping for "good deals". Some of those friends--Leslie, Janel, Kelly--are still friends today. I'd have to say celebrating my friends, happy and having fun, is way better than sitting outside a closed store for 6 or 8 hours to save a few bucks.
Yes, we all did still go shopping on Black Friday. Some stores even opened at 6 am!!! OH MY GOD!! And, we'd go for the deals, sometimes even hungover, but here's the thing: We didn't steal anyone else's Thanksgiving away from them!!!! I mean think about it. If the stores open at 6 am, the guys and gals working retail had to be there at 5 am to get the registers ready, turn on the lights, make sure all the little details to ensure our shopping enjoyment. It was bad enough that most of them couldn't come out and play with their friends late Thanksgiving night (well, most of them did, but that's not the point :D ). But now, 9 pm on Thanksgiving or midnight? Seriously? That means most of them have to be in bed, napping, for at least 4 hours, if not a "full night's" sleep, while the rest of us are having our family time--while their families are having their family time. WTF?!?!? What the hell is wrong with us? It's one day a year. One day out of 365. One day where everyone in the United States gets to celebrate. (Now don't lecture me on the bartenders at the neighborhood bar--they generally were the owners and it was their choice to come in, open up, and generally did so, well, because their friends are their patrons in neighborhood bars...too bad so many of us don't even know what that is anymore...but back on point.)
Still we've become such a me, me, me, me society, we don't care if we want to shop. TO SHOP, people. This is not life saving. Ok, it might be. The last couple of Black Fridays have had people injured in fights, stampedes and other caustic behaviors of mobs. We've become so materialistic that the "good deal" is becoming more important than the people we care for, or at least should care for. Worse yet, we've become so obsessed that we would rather opt to be with strangers (maybe one or two friends) outside a store for hours than be laughing with family and friends about things we did this year, last Thanksgiving, and all the Thanksgivings that have passed. We've reached a point where elbowing the person next to us in the face might be acceptable behavior to get that last iPod on special like some comic movie in the 1980s. (Amazing how shit that is over-the-line joking crap in movies eventually becomes acceptable to the mainstream...another blog...) This is our society? This is what Americans have become? This is what Thanksgiving is all about?
This year, I ask you. Think about this for a moment. How important are your family and friends to you? How often do you take the time out to give thanks for them and all the blessings in your life? How often do you give thanks for the freedoms that our great nation afford us? How often do you give thanks for the little things as well as the big? Then ask yourself: Should any of us, for any reason, take away that one day that we've put aside for almost a century now from anyone else in our great nation just so we can shop?
Then make a difference--don't actually shop in the middle of the God d*mn night. Sleep til 4. And if you're really motivated follow one or all of these links to send the damn retailers a message--yes, we'll buy your sh*t at great prices--just wait for Friday. It'll take you a couple of minutes, but they'll get the message:
http://www.change.org/petitions/tell-target-to-save-thanksgiving
http://www.change.org/petitions/1push-back-the-opening-of-best-buy-retail-stores-on-black-friday-to-5am
And HAVE A WONDERFUL TURKEY, I mean, THANKSGIVING DAY!!!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
me, me, me, me, me...welcome to United States politics
what is it about a lot of people today that makes them really think that the world revolves all around them and they are the all encompassing bestest of the bestest? has the world become more that way or has it always been that way? now, don't get me wrong. there are plenty of wonderful people out there, but well, like my grams used to say, one rotten apple can spoil the whole barrel. think about how much harder it is becoming to find someone that isn't asking you for something for their own benefit. think about how the religious people of the world always seem to have it right and everyone that doesn't follow their belief has to be wrong. think about how many people we come across every day or week that are working in the service industry that act like they are doing us a personal favor by getting us the latte that they are paid to pour. consider politicians and other political mongers that seem to be oblivious to what the people that voted for them want or need. the real reason for all this seems pretty obvious. they don't care about anyone else but themselves, and by God, the rest of us will suffer for it.
we all know the problems herman cain is experiencing in his campaign. (yes people this is going to be an all out crucificion of politicians.) did he sexually harass someone? maybe. the lines have changed over the years. did he win any brownie points with any of us when his wife did her tammy wynette "stand by my man" routine? nope. since she opened her mouth, he's lost over 10% in most polls. why? when that dumb b*tch hillary did it on 60 minutes the first time billy boy clinton ran for President, most of the american public was so impressed; his ratings went up. (remember the gennifer flowers affair?) hell, we were so enthalled with that moron's antics we elected him twice. it was a non-stop circus while he was in office: the chinese hookers meeting air force one, the dress, the intern...of course, it wasn't just sexual antics--oh no--whitewater (ah yes how quickly some forget), the military guard and secret service members that died while working for clinton--more than any other President in history (and no one actually tried to assassinate his *ss), the shooting at the starbucks near george washington university where an intern who was allegedly sexually harassed by the billy boy was killed, oh and my personal favorite, the impeachment. "oral sex" isn't sex?!?!? that explains a lot if hillary is a lesbian doesn't it? they're really not unfaithful to each other then. carpet munching and cigar puffing doesn't count. and, we, and all the rest of the world, got to see all that unfold in the tabloids--no other President has graced the cover of trash mags like the enquirer more than billy boy. so we're gun shy. we don't want another fiasco in the White House. thank you, but no thanks and the polls say it. maybe herman can recover. but i was still behind him, until the "stand by my man" speech. that lady nailed his political coffin shut, at least for me. if he can't be honest with you honey, he sure as hell won't give a rat's ass about being honest to the American public.
but herman and billy boy aren't even the tip top of the iceberg. oh no, let's consider sarah "dingbat" palin. first of all, yes, before anyone harps on me for calling her a "dingbat", watch her show about alaska--the weekly (oh God, what the hell were they thinking giving her any type of show?!?!) ding-a-ling antics of a woman who's hypocrisy seems to have no limit. she's a far right wing, tea party, get us back to the real roots of things? she's religious, christian, believes in consquences for actions...daughter prego in high school, advocating (although ever so indirectly according to her) the possible murder of various congressional leaders--not that it might resolve some things but let's face it putting a map with crosshairs and suggesting that people need to be shot...well, let's just say it's at least in poor taste, and my personal favorite--her lesbian best friend that she parades around like a carnival monkey. really?!?! she supposedly advocates gay marriage, and yet, couldn't seem to sign a bill into law in alaska after their state congressional body had passed it. it needed to go to the voters. she's either a coward or phony or both. next.
did anyone watch 60 minutes this week? (yea, why, i'll give you the commentary.) United States congressional members (wait for it, wait for it) can practice insider trading and it's all perfectly LEGAL for them!!!!! why yes virginia, there is a santa claus--if you get elected to congress. repugnicans and demoncrats alike. we put martha stewart in prison for insider trading. you, me, enron officers...we all go to jail if we do it. not nancy pelosi or newt gingrich or john boener or eric cantor or joe biden (yes, technically the Vice President is part of the United States Senate)....nope, they get a free pass to use any and all insider information that they receive to trade with no ramifications. hmmmm, now let this tickle your brain cells for a minute: that means that those big pocketed f*ckers who provide them all the gifts and the funding for their campaigns can just give them insider information and those *ssholes can do whatever they want with it. nice. what a koosh job.
but they still have other perks (because it is, afterall, all about them): free checking where they can bounce themselves into oblivian and be 5 to 6 figures in the hole and we pay for all of it (doesn't it just bring a tear to your eye how great it is for them?), free healthcare--best in the nation (they don't pay for it, because we, the working American public, pay for them. yep.), paid vacations to all kinds of exotic places on lobbyists or their wealthy contributors or, my personal favorite, on our dime!!! yep. (doesn't it make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?) AND THEY B*TCH ABOUT CUTTING 5% FROM THEIR OFFICE BUDGETS? i wonder how much could we save ourselves, the taxpayers, if we cut out just the pork bellies we provide for congressional idiots? (just sayin'--because we all know they won't ever cut those pork bellies out themselves...)
of course, it wouldn't be right for me to ignore obummer. yea, the rest of the world likes him--because he's a p*ssy. apologizes for our conduct? we'll never see the french president apologize for france. the Queen herself would fall over from shock. ironically, that moron didn't realize we've always been asked. we were asked into kuwait by their leadership because iraq invaded. we've been asked (and they paid for the base) to qutar. they don't want anyone coming in there--they're the richest country in the world (if you don't count the vatican), so who can blame them? we were asked to stay in japan after north korea started nuclear testing (odd how that worked out well for us...but another blog). just torques my wrench. imagine President Ronald Reagan apologizing to the USSR...as if. he's never held a real job...ok, perhaps that really is the qualification for a politician. he wants to make all of us maintain health insurance or be penalized for it--read the fine print--penalized for not buying it. since when can the President and congress tell us what we have to buy? (come on Supreme Court! i still have faith in you....but another blog.) he says stup*d sh*t like "quit flying private jets" because he thinks the upper class is a bad place to be (for everyone but him of course), without first considering that the great United States still leads that industry in design, manufacturing, servicing...talk about chokeholding yourself into passing out!!! the problem with obummer is simple: he's so hellbent on his own agenda because he's so much smarter than the rest of us that he doesn't actually give a sh*t why the people that voted for him put him there. there's nothing more me, me, me, me, me than thinking that you know better than everyone else.
i'd love to tell obummer, there's a difference between arrogance and confidence. i hear nothing but self-serving arrogance when i've listened to his speeches. "you must pass this plan. you will pass this plan. you must...you will...i've put together this plan and it's the right plan, it's the bestest plan...." blah, blah, blah. it's nauseating arrogance of how much more superior he really believes himself to be. he's a decent orator though. actually very good. but pick it apart and it's like looking at a picture of pot roast. we can see the meat and potatoes, but they have no aroma, no texture, no steam rolling off the top. it's a pretty picture, but no substance. how do we cut millions of dollars from our budget? obummer's answer: "i'll leave that to congress to decide". yes, darling while that all sounds wonderful on the paper you wrote it on, i'd like to be able to feed my kids at the end of the day. show me the beef.
confidence. well, i'm pretty sure that not many, if any, of those bozos in washington have confidence. they all look to be arrogant though. they can lie through their teeth--no consequences. they all seem thrilled to have the titles--congressman, congresswoman, senator. they all know what it means to get for themselves and everso graciously accept all the pork bellies that they bestow upon themselves. don't get me started on some stupid junior congressman saying it was ok and we shouldn't blame them because the pork bellies were voted in decades ago and almost no one there is "responsible" for those votes. you morons are all responsible--you accepted a job, you are arrogant enough to believe that you should keep it without actually representing the people that voted you in there, and you don't mind that you have special things not afforded legally to any of your constituents. a confident person wouldn't need the pork bellies, wouldn't care about the favors and would be "responsible" to fix issues even if it wasn't of their making. confidence would stand up to arrogance and say enough is enough. instead we have a bunch of little high school kids seeing how much they can get for themselves and the hell with the rest of us. it's like a washington dc version of "mean girls".
the only real question is: when is the American public truly going to have enough and grassroots a change to our great Constitution to state that Congress and the President must abide by the same laws as the rest of us???? (And yes, our great Constitution actually does allow for us to do this...look it up)
we all know the problems herman cain is experiencing in his campaign. (yes people this is going to be an all out crucificion of politicians.) did he sexually harass someone? maybe. the lines have changed over the years. did he win any brownie points with any of us when his wife did her tammy wynette "stand by my man" routine? nope. since she opened her mouth, he's lost over 10% in most polls. why? when that dumb b*tch hillary did it on 60 minutes the first time billy boy clinton ran for President, most of the american public was so impressed; his ratings went up. (remember the gennifer flowers affair?) hell, we were so enthalled with that moron's antics we elected him twice. it was a non-stop circus while he was in office: the chinese hookers meeting air force one, the dress, the intern...of course, it wasn't just sexual antics--oh no--whitewater (ah yes how quickly some forget), the military guard and secret service members that died while working for clinton--more than any other President in history (and no one actually tried to assassinate his *ss), the shooting at the starbucks near george washington university where an intern who was allegedly sexually harassed by the billy boy was killed, oh and my personal favorite, the impeachment. "oral sex" isn't sex?!?!? that explains a lot if hillary is a lesbian doesn't it? they're really not unfaithful to each other then. carpet munching and cigar puffing doesn't count. and, we, and all the rest of the world, got to see all that unfold in the tabloids--no other President has graced the cover of trash mags like the enquirer more than billy boy. so we're gun shy. we don't want another fiasco in the White House. thank you, but no thanks and the polls say it. maybe herman can recover. but i was still behind him, until the "stand by my man" speech. that lady nailed his political coffin shut, at least for me. if he can't be honest with you honey, he sure as hell won't give a rat's ass about being honest to the American public.
but herman and billy boy aren't even the tip top of the iceberg. oh no, let's consider sarah "dingbat" palin. first of all, yes, before anyone harps on me for calling her a "dingbat", watch her show about alaska--the weekly (oh God, what the hell were they thinking giving her any type of show?!?!) ding-a-ling antics of a woman who's hypocrisy seems to have no limit. she's a far right wing, tea party, get us back to the real roots of things? she's religious, christian, believes in consquences for actions...daughter prego in high school, advocating (although ever so indirectly according to her) the possible murder of various congressional leaders--not that it might resolve some things but let's face it putting a map with crosshairs and suggesting that people need to be shot...well, let's just say it's at least in poor taste, and my personal favorite--her lesbian best friend that she parades around like a carnival monkey. really?!?! she supposedly advocates gay marriage, and yet, couldn't seem to sign a bill into law in alaska after their state congressional body had passed it. it needed to go to the voters. she's either a coward or phony or both. next.
did anyone watch 60 minutes this week? (yea, why, i'll give you the commentary.) United States congressional members (wait for it, wait for it) can practice insider trading and it's all perfectly LEGAL for them!!!!! why yes virginia, there is a santa claus--if you get elected to congress. repugnicans and demoncrats alike. we put martha stewart in prison for insider trading. you, me, enron officers...we all go to jail if we do it. not nancy pelosi or newt gingrich or john boener or eric cantor or joe biden (yes, technically the Vice President is part of the United States Senate)....nope, they get a free pass to use any and all insider information that they receive to trade with no ramifications. hmmmm, now let this tickle your brain cells for a minute: that means that those big pocketed f*ckers who provide them all the gifts and the funding for their campaigns can just give them insider information and those *ssholes can do whatever they want with it. nice. what a koosh job.
but they still have other perks (because it is, afterall, all about them): free checking where they can bounce themselves into oblivian and be 5 to 6 figures in the hole and we pay for all of it (doesn't it just bring a tear to your eye how great it is for them?), free healthcare--best in the nation (they don't pay for it, because we, the working American public, pay for them. yep.), paid vacations to all kinds of exotic places on lobbyists or their wealthy contributors or, my personal favorite, on our dime!!! yep. (doesn't it make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?) AND THEY B*TCH ABOUT CUTTING 5% FROM THEIR OFFICE BUDGETS? i wonder how much could we save ourselves, the taxpayers, if we cut out just the pork bellies we provide for congressional idiots? (just sayin'--because we all know they won't ever cut those pork bellies out themselves...)
of course, it wouldn't be right for me to ignore obummer. yea, the rest of the world likes him--because he's a p*ssy. apologizes for our conduct? we'll never see the french president apologize for france. the Queen herself would fall over from shock. ironically, that moron didn't realize we've always been asked. we were asked into kuwait by their leadership because iraq invaded. we've been asked (and they paid for the base) to qutar. they don't want anyone coming in there--they're the richest country in the world (if you don't count the vatican), so who can blame them? we were asked to stay in japan after north korea started nuclear testing (odd how that worked out well for us...but another blog). just torques my wrench. imagine President Ronald Reagan apologizing to the USSR...as if. he's never held a real job...ok, perhaps that really is the qualification for a politician. he wants to make all of us maintain health insurance or be penalized for it--read the fine print--penalized for not buying it. since when can the President and congress tell us what we have to buy? (come on Supreme Court! i still have faith in you....but another blog.) he says stup*d sh*t like "quit flying private jets" because he thinks the upper class is a bad place to be (for everyone but him of course), without first considering that the great United States still leads that industry in design, manufacturing, servicing...talk about chokeholding yourself into passing out!!! the problem with obummer is simple: he's so hellbent on his own agenda because he's so much smarter than the rest of us that he doesn't actually give a sh*t why the people that voted for him put him there. there's nothing more me, me, me, me, me than thinking that you know better than everyone else.
i'd love to tell obummer, there's a difference between arrogance and confidence. i hear nothing but self-serving arrogance when i've listened to his speeches. "you must pass this plan. you will pass this plan. you must...you will...i've put together this plan and it's the right plan, it's the bestest plan...." blah, blah, blah. it's nauseating arrogance of how much more superior he really believes himself to be. he's a decent orator though. actually very good. but pick it apart and it's like looking at a picture of pot roast. we can see the meat and potatoes, but they have no aroma, no texture, no steam rolling off the top. it's a pretty picture, but no substance. how do we cut millions of dollars from our budget? obummer's answer: "i'll leave that to congress to decide". yes, darling while that all sounds wonderful on the paper you wrote it on, i'd like to be able to feed my kids at the end of the day. show me the beef.
confidence. well, i'm pretty sure that not many, if any, of those bozos in washington have confidence. they all look to be arrogant though. they can lie through their teeth--no consequences. they all seem thrilled to have the titles--congressman, congresswoman, senator. they all know what it means to get for themselves and everso graciously accept all the pork bellies that they bestow upon themselves. don't get me started on some stupid junior congressman saying it was ok and we shouldn't blame them because the pork bellies were voted in decades ago and almost no one there is "responsible" for those votes. you morons are all responsible--you accepted a job, you are arrogant enough to believe that you should keep it without actually representing the people that voted you in there, and you don't mind that you have special things not afforded legally to any of your constituents. a confident person wouldn't need the pork bellies, wouldn't care about the favors and would be "responsible" to fix issues even if it wasn't of their making. confidence would stand up to arrogance and say enough is enough. instead we have a bunch of little high school kids seeing how much they can get for themselves and the hell with the rest of us. it's like a washington dc version of "mean girls".
the only real question is: when is the American public truly going to have enough and grassroots a change to our great Constitution to state that Congress and the President must abide by the same laws as the rest of us???? (And yes, our great Constitution actually does allow for us to do this...look it up)
Friday, November 4, 2011
truer words were never spoken...
quite frankly, with my daddy's passing in july, the last half of this year has been nothing but self-reflecting and replaying things in my past that have lead to my present. who i am, possibly what i am, is nothing more than a knee jerk reaction to everything that i've ever been exposed to and a little dab of the inherited traits that we all have from our dna. my best friend mary and i often have some very deep delve conversations about people, how people think, what makes them work. mary and i have many similar beliefs although our personalities are in someways very contrast to each other. the one thing that seems to always come out of those conversations is how crazy some people actually are. the examples always seem to be over abundant, and there are so many common sense sayings that go with the examples, the most logical conclusion is that most people really don't have much common sense. i'm seriously not sure that i do (honestly, i am an engineer afterall--how much could i have really?), but i probably was very fortunate to have a grandmother that knew every common sense statement, or cliche depending on your point of view, ever made.
"don't blame me for your problems." for some reason, no one ever understands that the minutia that they are in is always, always, from their own decisions. now, i'm not talking about the car accident where your car was totalled because someone ran a red light. i'm talking about the drama that most people always seem to blame on others. the innocent acts are so ridiculous for some people, you wish the oscars would have a you tube drama queen (or king) award. we bring it on ourselves. i do honestly blame my ex for being a cheating dog, but i married his *ss. now, granted i was young, we were young, and well, it seemed like a great idea at the time. i can obviously brag that i picked a guy that i had a lot in common with and who i thought would always take care of me, who i thought would make a great father and who was a good friend. then i could, like most people, blame him solely for the crap in our relationship. yes, he was the one that cheated. he probably did before we got married--should've seen that and ran like hell. also, probably missed that we were like carbon copies of his mom and dad--a relationship that although it has stood the perverbial test of time has taken quite a toll on his mom (my opinion of course) because as charming as his dad is, well, he's a bit of a selfish pig--ok, a lot of a selfish pig. again, my faux pas. i saw all this, and i completely convinced myself (self-denial is a wonderful thing) that my ex wasn't like that. (bahaha...sorry, i just have to laugh at myself at this point.) now, i probably could blame him for my being single all these years. God knows i have trust issues and a huge commitment phobia and it would be quite simple to blame him for all my woes. but it simply isn't true. i was a commitment phob way before i met my ex--the experience didn't improve that, by any means--but maybe that was the point of why or how i chose to be with him. not his fault, probably mine or maybe just the life i had lead to that point. the result of a problem, the ramifications--like someone's actions--are the symptoms, not the causes. the causes are inevitably on us. each of us. "we have no one to blame but ourselves."
"you don't choose who you fall in love with." nope. i used to believe this was utterly and completely controllable. my grandmother used to say "it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor one." yea, whatever. if that were true, my grandmother would never have married my grandfather. yet, i would verbalize my discontent with her statement, while somehow stupidly internalizing it. you simply don't choose. granted i only have 40+ years of experience at this point, but it just doesn't happen. i've known people who force feel "love". it's not hard to "love" someone, but it's impossible to be "in love" with someone who you have to force feel "love" for. i "love" my shoes. i'm not falling for them anytime soon. falling in love is like tieing a blindfold over your eyes after you've already seen the cliff coming and are still heading at it full throttle like an idiot. (yes, i did already mention that i'm a complete commitment phob.) but, i've been in love 3 times. (ugh, we'll avoid that whole 3rd time's a charm crap.) first time, it was love at first sight. it was. it wasn't 45 minutes and i knew i wanted to spend the rest of my life with who we'll simply call my college sweetheart. he was blonde haired, blue eyed, 6'5" (i looked quite literally like a little china doll next to him), and one of the most amazing men i've ever known. when i met him, i certainly didn't expect my evening to go the way it did. i was quite content in my own little world. i had goals, aspirations, and those were a very large part of who i was (and am), but i saw that cliff the second he was introduced to me and lucky for me, so did he. the only regret i have in my life is the way that relationship ended. the second time, well, i married his *ss. amazingly, you can fall in love with someone and it is actually possible to fall out of love with them too...as my marriage can attest to. the third time, well, that one was either me being foolish, him being foolish, or both of us being foolish. still haven't figured it out. probably never will. regardless, love is easy. i still in a way, love all three of them. not in love with any of them though. falling out of love is so much easier than falling in. someone opens the window and lets the stagnant air out, and as you inhale, you realize that you somehow breathed in new life while exhaling the old love. "love is gift." ("in love" is, anyway.)
"sh*t or get off the pot." no kidding. (yea, don't you love it?!?! from love to sh*t in no seconds flat....) i really do live and breathe (more puns) this saying. why stay with a man that's making me miserable? why? don't talk about it, do it. now, don't get me wrong. i'm a firm believer in taking my time making decisions. my backyard patio hasn't been done yet because i have a hard time figuring out exactly what i want to do. i know i want to lower my bike, but the back only, both the back and the front, 1" or 2"...i'm there to front and back (finally), but not quite 1" or 2"...i'll have to live with the decision for a while. i don't like to jump into anything i'm going to have to live with. impulse purchases have never been a big thing for me. i spend 6 months teasing the sales guys at any and all dealerships before actually purchasing a vehicle. impulse purchases always bit me in the perverbial butt when i was younger. it's a lesson that i take to heart. on the other hand, once i've made up my mind, i'm ready to go. there's no more waiting. all the ducks are in a row, they're all quacking, the water is warm, the sun is shining and it's time to go!!! i'm always amazed at people who will do the exact opposite--jump into stuff headlong without considering anything, but then diddle dawdle as they try to feel their way around their impulsive move. i may be slow coming up to the gate, but once i'm locked in, i'm taking the finish line. which is actually a pretty fair comparison since the horses that typically fly into the gate are the most leisurely to actually accomplishing anything in the race--much like many people. i have friends who have floundered for years after an impulsive marriage on whether it was a mistake. i have no misgivings. my marriage wasn't a mistake--have you seen our boys? handsome devils. and i learned a lot--about life, about myself, about relationships. nothing bad about it as far as knowledge and experience. don't get me wrong--i wouldn't go back there if he hit the lottery, was gelded, and promised to take me to every gorgeous beach on the globe on the back of a harley (or maybe a pair of harleys...no matter), but i wouldn't give up the experience for anything either. life is full of expectations. but we make our own successes. success doesn't just walk up and bite you in the butt and say "here i am". opportunity does that, but from those opportunities, we make or break our own success. we can be our own worst enemies by the limits that we put on ourselves, and those limits are usually glaring us in our faces, because we usually choose to attempt to limit others to our own self-sanctions. we have to get out there and try, or we inevitably fail. "there is no failure worse than the one that never even started."
i don't know. maybe i'm just thinking off the top of my head. maybe i'm just a tad aggrevated at myself, because life is constantly changing and right now i haven't got a clue where i want to be. i feel like alecia silverstone in cute clothes in a giddy teen movie (clueless...yea, rent the movie). maybe it's those damn conversations with mary... maybe i'm still getting passed my father's death, as there was so much that i still wanted to say, share and just enjoy about him. or maybe it's like every holiday season of my life and the hoopla is little more than my usual angst over misgivings over turkey and enough rum and eggnog to drown the christmas tree. or maybe it's a year ending in 3. 23, 33, 43...shit. always with the 3s...."third time's a charm," afterall....
"don't blame me for your problems." for some reason, no one ever understands that the minutia that they are in is always, always, from their own decisions. now, i'm not talking about the car accident where your car was totalled because someone ran a red light. i'm talking about the drama that most people always seem to blame on others. the innocent acts are so ridiculous for some people, you wish the oscars would have a you tube drama queen (or king) award. we bring it on ourselves. i do honestly blame my ex for being a cheating dog, but i married his *ss. now, granted i was young, we were young, and well, it seemed like a great idea at the time. i can obviously brag that i picked a guy that i had a lot in common with and who i thought would always take care of me, who i thought would make a great father and who was a good friend. then i could, like most people, blame him solely for the crap in our relationship. yes, he was the one that cheated. he probably did before we got married--should've seen that and ran like hell. also, probably missed that we were like carbon copies of his mom and dad--a relationship that although it has stood the perverbial test of time has taken quite a toll on his mom (my opinion of course) because as charming as his dad is, well, he's a bit of a selfish pig--ok, a lot of a selfish pig. again, my faux pas. i saw all this, and i completely convinced myself (self-denial is a wonderful thing) that my ex wasn't like that. (bahaha...sorry, i just have to laugh at myself at this point.) now, i probably could blame him for my being single all these years. God knows i have trust issues and a huge commitment phobia and it would be quite simple to blame him for all my woes. but it simply isn't true. i was a commitment phob way before i met my ex--the experience didn't improve that, by any means--but maybe that was the point of why or how i chose to be with him. not his fault, probably mine or maybe just the life i had lead to that point. the result of a problem, the ramifications--like someone's actions--are the symptoms, not the causes. the causes are inevitably on us. each of us. "we have no one to blame but ourselves."
"you don't choose who you fall in love with." nope. i used to believe this was utterly and completely controllable. my grandmother used to say "it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor one." yea, whatever. if that were true, my grandmother would never have married my grandfather. yet, i would verbalize my discontent with her statement, while somehow stupidly internalizing it. you simply don't choose. granted i only have 40+ years of experience at this point, but it just doesn't happen. i've known people who force feel "love". it's not hard to "love" someone, but it's impossible to be "in love" with someone who you have to force feel "love" for. i "love" my shoes. i'm not falling for them anytime soon. falling in love is like tieing a blindfold over your eyes after you've already seen the cliff coming and are still heading at it full throttle like an idiot. (yes, i did already mention that i'm a complete commitment phob.) but, i've been in love 3 times. (ugh, we'll avoid that whole 3rd time's a charm crap.) first time, it was love at first sight. it was. it wasn't 45 minutes and i knew i wanted to spend the rest of my life with who we'll simply call my college sweetheart. he was blonde haired, blue eyed, 6'5" (i looked quite literally like a little china doll next to him), and one of the most amazing men i've ever known. when i met him, i certainly didn't expect my evening to go the way it did. i was quite content in my own little world. i had goals, aspirations, and those were a very large part of who i was (and am), but i saw that cliff the second he was introduced to me and lucky for me, so did he. the only regret i have in my life is the way that relationship ended. the second time, well, i married his *ss. amazingly, you can fall in love with someone and it is actually possible to fall out of love with them too...as my marriage can attest to. the third time, well, that one was either me being foolish, him being foolish, or both of us being foolish. still haven't figured it out. probably never will. regardless, love is easy. i still in a way, love all three of them. not in love with any of them though. falling out of love is so much easier than falling in. someone opens the window and lets the stagnant air out, and as you inhale, you realize that you somehow breathed in new life while exhaling the old love. "love is gift." ("in love" is, anyway.)
"sh*t or get off the pot." no kidding. (yea, don't you love it?!?! from love to sh*t in no seconds flat....) i really do live and breathe (more puns) this saying. why stay with a man that's making me miserable? why? don't talk about it, do it. now, don't get me wrong. i'm a firm believer in taking my time making decisions. my backyard patio hasn't been done yet because i have a hard time figuring out exactly what i want to do. i know i want to lower my bike, but the back only, both the back and the front, 1" or 2"...i'm there to front and back (finally), but not quite 1" or 2"...i'll have to live with the decision for a while. i don't like to jump into anything i'm going to have to live with. impulse purchases have never been a big thing for me. i spend 6 months teasing the sales guys at any and all dealerships before actually purchasing a vehicle. impulse purchases always bit me in the perverbial butt when i was younger. it's a lesson that i take to heart. on the other hand, once i've made up my mind, i'm ready to go. there's no more waiting. all the ducks are in a row, they're all quacking, the water is warm, the sun is shining and it's time to go!!! i'm always amazed at people who will do the exact opposite--jump into stuff headlong without considering anything, but then diddle dawdle as they try to feel their way around their impulsive move. i may be slow coming up to the gate, but once i'm locked in, i'm taking the finish line. which is actually a pretty fair comparison since the horses that typically fly into the gate are the most leisurely to actually accomplishing anything in the race--much like many people. i have friends who have floundered for years after an impulsive marriage on whether it was a mistake. i have no misgivings. my marriage wasn't a mistake--have you seen our boys? handsome devils. and i learned a lot--about life, about myself, about relationships. nothing bad about it as far as knowledge and experience. don't get me wrong--i wouldn't go back there if he hit the lottery, was gelded, and promised to take me to every gorgeous beach on the globe on the back of a harley (or maybe a pair of harleys...no matter), but i wouldn't give up the experience for anything either. life is full of expectations. but we make our own successes. success doesn't just walk up and bite you in the butt and say "here i am". opportunity does that, but from those opportunities, we make or break our own success. we can be our own worst enemies by the limits that we put on ourselves, and those limits are usually glaring us in our faces, because we usually choose to attempt to limit others to our own self-sanctions. we have to get out there and try, or we inevitably fail. "there is no failure worse than the one that never even started."
i don't know. maybe i'm just thinking off the top of my head. maybe i'm just a tad aggrevated at myself, because life is constantly changing and right now i haven't got a clue where i want to be. i feel like alecia silverstone in cute clothes in a giddy teen movie (clueless...yea, rent the movie). maybe it's those damn conversations with mary... maybe i'm still getting passed my father's death, as there was so much that i still wanted to say, share and just enjoy about him. or maybe it's like every holiday season of my life and the hoopla is little more than my usual angst over misgivings over turkey and enough rum and eggnog to drown the christmas tree. or maybe it's a year ending in 3. 23, 33, 43...shit. always with the 3s...."third time's a charm," afterall....
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
would a teddy bear take offense?
stress. stress for me is usually pretty easy to walk away from. someone stresses me at work--well, i might stop and have a drink, but i'm not taking it home with me. an hour away from work and i'm usually pretty rock solid and happy as a clam again. someone stresses me in my personal life, and my solution is even simpler. walk away, tell them off if they force the issue and walk away, or simply analyze the entire situation and realize how pointless the stress is. life is just too short.
but i'm a chick and chicks vent. oh yes, we do. the only women that i've ever met that didn't have the urge, or even the need to vent, are for all intensive purposes men or extremely manipulative nutjobs that aren't worth a blog. i've probably not been venting enough lately. my best friend is really busy this time of the year. y'all know i haven't been blogging much. and i'm not one to really overshare if i'm not in a good mood. i always believe good moods are contagious, and i like the idea of spreading good cheer. no matter what happens when, i'm not venting to my kids...childhood (even the teen years) shouldn't be about my problem du jour.
of course, venting isn't just about alleviating stress. sometimes, it's just thinking aloud. you can't vent to yourself in a mirror though--unless you're telling yourself what an idiotic mistake that was. it just comes off so phony. you just can't nod in understanding at yourself unless you're sybil. (look it up people if you're too young to know.) besides venting isn't just about getting it out of your system. sometimes venting is just about having someone that will listen.
now i have all kinds of hurdles to overcome when venting. i don't like to vent to just anyone. i only vent to people i trust, and frankly, i have layers of trust. i trust my boys, but it wouldn't happen while they're young and it wouldn't happen ever depending on the issue. there are just somethings your children should never know about you and vice versa. if i ever had a doubt, an ex-boyfriend and his mother completely convinced me. that crazy woman didn't need to be telling his little brother (a thirty-somethinger at the time) about how he couldn't because of size *shutter* sexually please a woman in front of his older brother's girlfriend at the time (moi) or any of the other crazy stuff those people thought was appropriate discussion. my boys just don't need to know, nor do i need to know. i haven't seen any of them naked since they were like 7 or 8 (and by accident i'm pretty sure) and would very much prefer it to stay that way. hell, i get uncomfortable when my middle one refers to his belly hair as his "happy trail"...*ugh*...
another hurdle is that many of my closest friends are almost always guys. yea, can't always tell them everything either. don't get me wrong, i have very open honest discussions with my guy friends, but there are levels of sharing, lines that just don't get crossed. one guy i might tell about how my date went, while another one who is just as good of a friend, i wouldn't dream of mentioning who i even went out with for fear of listening to a lecture on my dating habits. not that my dating habits are really that much to talk about--let's see...i'm trying to remember the last time i went on a date...oh begeebis... anywho, there's always an opinion that comes out of my guy friends (men really are opinionated, ask any woman) about what i'm saying and sometimes, well, i don't really want their opinion. thus why it's called venting instead of trolling for advice. i ask questions when i'm trolling for advice. men volunteer, by nature, resolution, solution and opinions. (yes, women can volunteer opinions too, but their opinions are usually based on personal experience rather than resolute solution guidance opinions.) obviously, at this point, i can rule out talking to anyone of my guy friends...
of course, i have female friends too, but unfortunately, some of them have been going through some really bad times and they certainly don't need to listen to me whine. on the other hand, the other ones are going through some really great times and i'm not a selfish enough b*tch to whine to someone who's life is going really well. *sigh*
i'd like to say that i could resolve it on my own. well, time heals all now, doesn't it? but truth is it's not just one thing. there's a slew of things all come to their hind legs at the same time. it doesn't happen often. maybe 3 to 6 times a year. i still sleep sound as a baby most of the time. nothing is worth getting myself worked up into a tizz over unless it's fun. i'm just so high energy that i've learned over the years it's just easier to try to forget about it than to worry about it. expounding that much energy on something negative is wasted energy, in my opinion (hahaha, right? oh kay, back on point). if i'm going to expend that much energy, well, i'd prefer to have it well spent on fun--of course, at this point, my neck is in pain, my back is starting to hurt and i feel tired. the bottle is a tad overfull. the stress isn't really affecting the mind, but the body is not happy. i'm going to have to find a vent point somewhere...
would it be weird to vent at a teddy bear? teddy bears are usually pretty good listeners, don't profer up advice where not asked for, and don't take any offense by colorful language. hmmmm....
but i'm a chick and chicks vent. oh yes, we do. the only women that i've ever met that didn't have the urge, or even the need to vent, are for all intensive purposes men or extremely manipulative nutjobs that aren't worth a blog. i've probably not been venting enough lately. my best friend is really busy this time of the year. y'all know i haven't been blogging much. and i'm not one to really overshare if i'm not in a good mood. i always believe good moods are contagious, and i like the idea of spreading good cheer. no matter what happens when, i'm not venting to my kids...childhood (even the teen years) shouldn't be about my problem du jour.
of course, venting isn't just about alleviating stress. sometimes, it's just thinking aloud. you can't vent to yourself in a mirror though--unless you're telling yourself what an idiotic mistake that was. it just comes off so phony. you just can't nod in understanding at yourself unless you're sybil. (look it up people if you're too young to know.) besides venting isn't just about getting it out of your system. sometimes venting is just about having someone that will listen.
now i have all kinds of hurdles to overcome when venting. i don't like to vent to just anyone. i only vent to people i trust, and frankly, i have layers of trust. i trust my boys, but it wouldn't happen while they're young and it wouldn't happen ever depending on the issue. there are just somethings your children should never know about you and vice versa. if i ever had a doubt, an ex-boyfriend and his mother completely convinced me. that crazy woman didn't need to be telling his little brother (a thirty-somethinger at the time) about how he couldn't because of size *shutter* sexually please a woman in front of his older brother's girlfriend at the time (moi) or any of the other crazy stuff those people thought was appropriate discussion. my boys just don't need to know, nor do i need to know. i haven't seen any of them naked since they were like 7 or 8 (and by accident i'm pretty sure) and would very much prefer it to stay that way. hell, i get uncomfortable when my middle one refers to his belly hair as his "happy trail"...*ugh*...
another hurdle is that many of my closest friends are almost always guys. yea, can't always tell them everything either. don't get me wrong, i have very open honest discussions with my guy friends, but there are levels of sharing, lines that just don't get crossed. one guy i might tell about how my date went, while another one who is just as good of a friend, i wouldn't dream of mentioning who i even went out with for fear of listening to a lecture on my dating habits. not that my dating habits are really that much to talk about--let's see...i'm trying to remember the last time i went on a date...oh begeebis... anywho, there's always an opinion that comes out of my guy friends (men really are opinionated, ask any woman) about what i'm saying and sometimes, well, i don't really want their opinion. thus why it's called venting instead of trolling for advice. i ask questions when i'm trolling for advice. men volunteer, by nature, resolution, solution and opinions. (yes, women can volunteer opinions too, but their opinions are usually based on personal experience rather than resolute solution guidance opinions.) obviously, at this point, i can rule out talking to anyone of my guy friends...
of course, i have female friends too, but unfortunately, some of them have been going through some really bad times and they certainly don't need to listen to me whine. on the other hand, the other ones are going through some really great times and i'm not a selfish enough b*tch to whine to someone who's life is going really well. *sigh*
i'd like to say that i could resolve it on my own. well, time heals all now, doesn't it? but truth is it's not just one thing. there's a slew of things all come to their hind legs at the same time. it doesn't happen often. maybe 3 to 6 times a year. i still sleep sound as a baby most of the time. nothing is worth getting myself worked up into a tizz over unless it's fun. i'm just so high energy that i've learned over the years it's just easier to try to forget about it than to worry about it. expounding that much energy on something negative is wasted energy, in my opinion (hahaha, right? oh kay, back on point). if i'm going to expend that much energy, well, i'd prefer to have it well spent on fun--of course, at this point, my neck is in pain, my back is starting to hurt and i feel tired. the bottle is a tad overfull. the stress isn't really affecting the mind, but the body is not happy. i'm going to have to find a vent point somewhere...
would it be weird to vent at a teddy bear? teddy bears are usually pretty good listeners, don't profer up advice where not asked for, and don't take any offense by colorful language. hmmmm....
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