On the phone one morning with a dealer, I was asked how old I was. I had to chuckle to myself--the guy took my silence to explain that I sounded pretty young. Forty-three, I replied. He was pretty nice about it, but I couldn't help to think to myself after getting off the phone that he would probably be shocked if he saw me. Let's face it, I look like I'm in my 30s and when I've said how old I am, in some cases, I've even been asked for ID to prove it. Doesn't bother me--good genes. Of course, he asked how the weather was up here and I had to tell him rainy but I'm ok with that as long as it's nice on the weekend and won't interfere with my riding time.
"Harley?" he asked.
"Yes, '09 Fatboy."
Well, that was it. If he had any doubts because he might be talking to a youngster or a chick, my Babyboy in one fell swoop had him chattering away at me about what the issue was (oh right for those of you that don't know I work with construction equipment and sometimes people actually call me for help--go figure). Being "one of the boys" has always had its bonuses. It's also always had its negatives. Like everything in life, the positives usually outweigh the negatives.
Of course, it's not all roses. It's tough being a girly girl looking thing and being "one of the boys". I attract guys in the girly sort of way--apparently I'm kinda cute. But many of them are either intimidated by me or by the guys I'm friends with. Insecurity sucks, but it's their issue not mine. I was married to someone that was a bit of a cheating dog--ok, a lot of a cheating dog. I suppose he partially was surprised that I wasn't cool with that; in some way, he probably thought that it wouldn't interfere because if he's a nice looking guy that cheats then a nice looking girl will too. It's pretty unlikely though. Most of the women that I've met that are cheaters and whore-ish in their relationships aren't usually the cuter of the bunch. It's something that, after my divorce, I became acutely aware of. Good looking men get more offers and something about how men think and are raised, well, dating good looking men tends to be more risky when it comes to ending up with a cheater. Of course, not all good looking men cheat--but they will have more opportunities if their relationship goes south. If that was how they were raised, or how their personality is, well, then it doesn't matter how perfect of a woman they have at home. They're wandering like dogs sniffing fire hydrants. (Yea, hard to believe most of my friends are guys...) However, good looking women, generally, when committed, they've had all the offers, heard all the lines, and have had the opportunity to see a lot of what is out the on the table to choose from, so they are less likely to cheat. The homelier the woman, well, odds go up exponentially that if she gets a lot of attention, especially if she's not happy in her relationship or a miserable person, that she will be doing the horizontal mambo with any swinging dog that comes along. It's not an observation that gets made very often. Of course, it's not very often that someone gets to listen to women talk about their dating and sexuality openly and listen to the guys do the same. I've always got to listen to both sides--good in some ways, bad in others. Sometimes, I wished the guys I've been friends with over the years would refrain. I probably know more than most women should know.
Another thing that isn't so great is that most men assume you are with one of the guys that you're hanging out with. As a friend of mine always says, "boys are dumb". It applies. Most guys see a woman hanging out with guys and automatically assume that she's with one of them. That's really a huge negative if I meet someone I'm attracted to. First, very few of my guy friends would pick up on it like my girlfriends. Next, most of my guy friends treat me so much like one of the guys I'm surprised that every lesbian in the room doesn't migrate right for me. Another downside. Lots of lesbians assume that if you are being treated like "one of the boys" by the boys that you have to be playing on their side of the fence. No offense to gay women, but yuck. I get nauseous just thinking about it. Moving on.
The other thing is that some of the guys take razzing too far with the tomboy of the group. I've been part of a group of boys since I was 4. The boys I grew up with--a lot of the time I took more razzing, harrassing, and teasing out of the group than any of the boys combined. It does teach you to take it with your head up, but it's a lot different than girls. Girls are all nicey nice to each other's face--it can be fake as h*ll sometimes--but girls insult and they generally mean it. Boys razz and most of the time barely mean it. I've gotten used to it, but sometimes it's exhausting. Some of the guys do it on overtime and don't know when the hell to let up. Truth is that some of them think that you're the easy prey. Generally they are the guys that never razz the other guys. I also don't really consider them friends. They're *ssholes that are just picking on who they perceive as the weakest link. Unfortunately, most of the other guys will never tell them to let up either. These are the guys that I don't want to work with, hang out with, or otherwise, because unfortunately, no matter what, you'll never be one of them to them. They're closet jerks who believe women belong in the shadow of men, in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant, buried in the mediocrisy of being less than a human being. Being able to tell the guys apart from the male chauvinist pigs is often bonus points, but sometimes, I sigh and wonder at what price.
Truth is recently, I've started really thinking about whether I want to be "one of the boys" anymore. It doesn't have a lot of upsides--jealous wives or girlfriends, jealous psychos that feel like you're getting more attention from the guys than they are, men who go out of their way to "put you in your place". But I like me. So I'll just be me. If someone doesn't like that, well, I'm sorry that they're not comfortable with who they are. People that are comfortable with who they are don't really give a crap who other people are. We don't feel the need to judge others when we don't feel we have to judge ourselves. I like myself the way I am, and I'm still going to be me whether I'm "one of the boys" or not.
No comments:
Post a Comment