Well, it has come to my attention that some people are worried about being in my blog. To be blunt, that is friggin' hilarious. Those that read my blog know two things. One, I never use names--which doesn't matter as long as the information is true and verifiable (probably why some are worried). Two, the antedotes of people's behavior are used as true examples of how to, and in most cases, how not to behave, treat others, et cetera. Frankly, if your guilty conscience is bothering you over my little blog, tough twinkies. Get over yourself. Here's just some general advice from my Grams to you if you're sweating my blog:
1. If someone shares with you, then keep your big mouth shut. Don't pretend to be a friend and support someone, then walk over to other people telling them how you don't understand why that person would even share this information with you, and top it off with sharing the information with others. Do you consider that a nice thing to do? If someone is having a bad day, they might share it with you. That's just a fact. The reason you feel guilty is you shared something that wasn't your place to share. My Grams used to say "if you feel guilty, you already know you were wrong".
2. Stop talking about people behind their backs. Yes, it's that damn simple. You don't like someone? Fine. Don't like them on your own. If you can't say it to their faces, then you've got ZERO business saying it behind their backs. My Grams used to say "if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say it at all."
3. Don't listen to drug addicts for advice. If someone has severe issues and you're listening to their gossip about another party, doesn't take a rocket scientist to know the information that you are receiving is probably seriously skewed. While it might seem all drama interesting, it makes you look stupid to anyone that knows about the drug addict's problems. Grams' advice: "Alcohol is a poor filter. It doesn't make people more honest; it makes them act more honest." Translation: The true person comes out, not the truth.
4. Don't assume someone that always tries to be nice is going to take your crap. Many of my friends have told me to be bitchier to people, not take their crap. What I've observed in the last couple of years is the nicer I am to people the nastier the assholes are to me. I even decided to test it a couple of times recently. I act like a bitch to someone and they kiss my ass. I act nice and compliment them and they treat me like a leaper. Another Grams-ism: "Treat others as you would be treated yourself." I take that to heart. I'm nice not because you've earned it, but because I was raised to be. Karma bitches. Eventually you will be the leaper you want to be treated like.
5. If you don't know what you are talking about, quit shooting the messenger. If someone corrects you when you are wrong, stop doing the 5 things above and worse to someone that saved you from ending up looking like a dumbass. Guess what? That person is a better friend to you than the people that smiled smuggly, nodded their heads and let you proceed down the road you were already on. While your pride might be hurt, tough shit. At least you know that one messenger saved your ass when even your so-called friends were willing to watch as you crashed and burned. Grams' advice: "Real friends don't let you do something stupid. Sometimes, your real friends aren't your friends at all."
6. Stop assuming that people that aren't like you have nothing to offer you. The people that are different from you are the ones that help you see the world in a different light. In fact, the people that are most like you have the least to offer you. Grams-ism: "It's easy to like people like you, but you won't learn anything (new) from them."
7. Know when to turn the cheek and know that sometimes others do it for reasons that make no sense to you. Gram-ism #3: "Don't fight in defense of yourself, but always fight in defense of another." So many people think that if a woman is by herself, she's free game. I've met a lot of you, yes, YOU PEOPLE, in the last five years. A woman shouldn't need a man standing by her in order to be free of having to defend herself. And newsflash, it's a double edged sword. If a woman defends herself, the attacks become more pronounced and it's pointed out what a bitch she is. If she turns the other cheek, the attacks become more pronounced and it's pointed out that if she wasn't (whatever) she would defend herself. It's no win. Even if she wins and the group is "ordered" to apologize, it won't make an iota of difference. The people that are like that will never apologize, continue with their antics, probably escalate and continue to talk shit. It's lose-lose. Even if you win a single battle, there's no winning the war.
8. Obvious Grams-ism: "Actions speak louder than words." I'm honest, even been accused on more than one occasion of being "overly" honest. Frankly, at least no one ever wonders where they stand with me. I'm not nice because I want something, nor am a heinous bitch to anyone if they haven't egged it on with their own actions or words. I tell you what I think, I'll defend a person that is in the right, and I have no qualms with defending an "enemy" in the right versus a "friend" in the wrong. I don't expect everyone to have the same approach as I do. I do expect honesty though. All actions done in honesty should not need defending. I had a good friend who cheated on another friend of mine. I said nothing to the friend being cheated on--not that he wasn't a good friend also. But, because it wasn't my place--refer to #1. I did go and ask the friend that was cheating on him and tell her what I thought of what she was doing. Shockingly (sarcasm), we were no longer friends. Of course, I shortly thereafter found out that she had been stabbing me in the back also. Someone that will screw over their friends will screw over anyone.
9. Grams' always said, "real friends will be there for you, through thick and thin, good and bad". Needs no explanation, but think about how many people are coming if you need bail money. That's probably a good indicator.
10. "Never knowingly do the wrong thing. It might not be the popular thing, but popularity is fleeting. Being trustworthy is not." Gram-ism or not; it's deep. There was an occassion that I was in a bathroom with 3 stalls, a sink and only enough standing waiting room for 4. All the stalls were filled, and 5 girls followed another girl in and cornered her between my stall door and the wall. The women in the other two stalls hurried out without washing their hands or glancing at their makeup in the mirror. The one girl was trapped and being screamed at by the ring leader about her t-shirt. A Hooters' girl tank top. I came out smack dab in between the cornered girl and the other five. I stopped. The ring leader screamed at me to get out of the way, none of my business, whatever. No, not really my business, but how is it not? This girl in the corner had just come in to go to the bathroom. If I left her as the other two did, they would hit her. My being there was preventing it. At this point, the ring leader was threatening me. I identified myself as a bouncer from a bar down the road and told her it wasn't happening. Amazingly, with that, 3 of the five scurried out the door like the rodents they were. The door open, the guys passing by to or from the men's room stopped. The 4th rodent scurried off with the bellowing from one of the men asking what was going on. The ring leader became aware at this point that she was on her own. She scurried out too. One of those 3 men that stopped as this came to a close became one of my best friends--like a father to me. One night he was telling the story about this exchange to a group that asked why he liked me so much. He punchlined it that he had asked me what I was thinking not just leaving like the other women. He repeated my answer "It was the right thing to do." He was my friend because in that one moment I had proven that I was trustworthy, I'd do the right thing, and I stood by beliefs.
11. Bluntly: "Honesty is always the best policy." Grams despised dishonesty. People tell you they don't want to hurt you to justify lying to you. Anyone that has ever been lied to knows that it always hurts worse when you find out the truth later. Even liars have been lied to, so they are as acutely aware of the end result as any of the rest of us--afterall they learned to lie from someone. Lies often lead to even more ugly things--like pitting others against someone, or trying to make other people join a bandwagon to "not like" someone else, more lies, manipulation, and other more dishonest crap. It truly is a vicious circle. While the truth, and someone like me that throws it out there quite regularly, might be difficult to swallow, consider how much easier my life is than yours. I don't keep track of what I've said because I told the truth. I don't need to backpeddle or worry about when the truth comes out.
Being honest might make it difficult when I deal with people that say they're just "playing politics", but hey, I'm not worried about manipulating others, controlling what people think, or making myself "popular". It's worrisome enough to decide whether you did the right thing by turning the other cheek after a group harassed you for months and months, even after they had been told by an organization they fucked up and to apologize. (Which incidently they never did. No "order" from the organization ever mattered, nor does it matter now to them.) It's difficult enough to know that defending that girl in the Hooters shirt might have ended up with me in a fight with 5 women--at least in that moment anyway. And honestly, it's always difficult to find out that someone you trusted isn't actually that trustworthy. All that seems like enough to worry about than whether I was honest with someone and how to make sure they never know if I wasn't. Just seems like it would be a lot of energy to hide pettiness than to be honest from the jump. If you have that energy to exude, wow. But hey that might explain why some people always complain that I have so much energy and seem happy no matter what.
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