So the other day, a friend posted on Facebook an email she received from a company that was checking if she had left a $5 tip--I didn't really ask how they knew her. I assume she belongs to some club that they were able to identify her. Really it wasn't that much more than 20%. It seemed a little odd. So I commented and in my comment I used the word "diligence". Other people commented on the picture. Honestly, if you comment after I've commented, I'm probably not reading. I'm assuming that you are commenting to my friend and I've got other things to do. A woman commented after me, then she posted an additional post about using "big words". I didn't see it. Honestly, I had unfollowed the post. I do that a lot, because I don't want to be dinged and dinged and dinged every time someone comments. So then she replies to my comment with "misspelled" and furthers on with two more replies to my comment with an insult about how I didn't know how to spell. I scrutinized my comment to double check--damn, grammar nazi. There wasn't anything spelled wrong. So I replied back to her that there wasn't anything misspelled. She went on trying to tell me I misspelled something and being a bit nasty about it--2 or 3 replies at a time. I went to look at the thread again. Maybe I had commented twice or maybe she was replying to the wrong comment. And there was this comment of hers after mine, followed by another comment, a degrading comment, about using "big words". The only "big word" used prior to her degrading thought was "diligence". She was pissed because I hadn't seen her first insult and decided to start in on me by replying to my comment. I tried to be nice about it and pretend that it might be that she is talking to someone other than me, stating that I often block people who act like assholes. Oh no, she made it quite clear she was talking to me and yes, she "bets I have a bunch of people blocked". Now let me clear at this point, I have no idea who this woman is. So I'm now pissed. Three insults from this woman and an obvious effort to piss me off specifically. I basically make peace by ignoring the last of the rude comments and going to bed. My friend comments basically a "poo poo" comment with "girls be nice" and this crazy b*tch starts back up again. First by pretending that I started it somehow, and then punchlining it with yet another derogatory comment about me claiming that I must be "going through the change". I blew a gasket. I went off on this woman and she was all like some little high school mean girl crap pretending like this mutual friend was the teacher and how innocent she was. Again, over and over, punchlining everything she said with some snide rude comment directed at me. My friend didn't actually read any of this bitch's diatribes, but she read one of mine where I went off. My best bet is that crazy bitch sent her a message about my going off on her poor, poor, innocent act. I sent my friend a message and she still didn't get it. I sent her the explanation and blocked the crazy bitch. I simply don't have time for people like her. As far as my "friend", well, I did think about it. I didn't. We've known each other a long time. Something like that happens again, with a different one of her friends, then she'll probably be gone. Birds of a feather and all.
But what was interesting was the friend swore up and down that the person she knew, this crazy bitch online, was the nicest person if I met her in person. Of course, she is. Someone like her knows someone might knock her on her sorry ass if she acted like that in person. But online? Well, if she gets a bug up her butt, she's probably doing this quite regularly. Sometimes on this friend's page or that friend's page. Who knows how she picks someone out, but nonetheless, much like a psycho narcissist, she goes picking someone she doesn't like by the way they look or the words they choose or just some random crap and bam! Attack until she gets a response. It makes her feel good to have her friend that she pulled this crap right in front of defend her--the narcissist needs to have the ego fed much like a leech needs to suck blood. They have actually started classifying this type of behavior as adult cyber bullying and there is article after article being written on how to defend ourselves from this type of person online. My way is blocking her. If she pulled this crap in person, which she's not going to because she's basically a coward, she would run the risk of too many witnesses and the divide not falling in her favor. Or even better (from my point of view) getting that crazy bitch attitude beaten out of her.
Now honestly, this woman is not as rare as we would think, although she is the most extreme example. There are so many of us that would be more amiable to other people's ideas when in person, but are absolutely closed to anyone that disagrees with us online. I find this utterly annoying having been raised the way I was. I love a good debate. I learn a lot from people with different views than I do. It's how we grow as human beings. We don't have to agree or change our minds just because someone disagrees with us, but we have moved away from that. Look at the moron Donald Trump. His hate and brow beating everyone who opposes his opinions has become an online daily occurrence. And it's not just his followers that act like this--it has started permeating our culture like a cancer. We are becoming so used to these grown adult online bullies that often people are sure that we're going to argue over those things that really need us to be willing to at least see a different point of view. People used to say there are two things we shouldn't talk about if we want to keep the peace--politics and religion. Yet, now, with the extreme version of Islam and it on the news so regularly, in online media--even social media like Twitter and FB--we cannot help but end up talking about it. Yet, those people that would not have teetered into the conversation in person in the past, now they will venture there online. This to me seems awesome. We are finally to a point that more and more people are becoming aware. Yet, many of them will suffer from "online disinhibition effect". Fact is that everyone of us has the potential to suffer from this. I called that crazy bitch a c*nt. Not changing my opinion on that but admittedly it went over the top.
Of course, what do we do to stop it? Well, here's the thing. Most people when they share their opinion on social media are literally asking for input on their opinion. Think about it. You wouldn't share your opinion on social media, on the internet with everyone that knows you, unless you were wanting to see other opinions. The funny thing is way too many of us are putting our opinion out there expecting everyone to agree with us. It's human nature--birds of a feather. Problem is the average person has over 200 friends on Facebook. It's a no brainer that there is no way that all of those 200+ people are going to agree with us on everything. It's never going to happen unless every single one of them is a brainwashed cult member. So part of the problem is ourselves. If we put our opinion out there, we are soliciting other people's opinions and we have to tell ourselves that not everyone is going to agree with us. Next,when we put our opinion out there, try to address the idea, not the person. Bullies attack the person in hopes of shutting them down or dragging them into the mud with them like that crazy bitch did me. There was no an iota of value add, no idea at all, in what she was posting. It was all attack in order to get a response. I'm not advocating not standing up for ourselves in that case. By all means, we should defend ourselves when someone's comments or replies have zero value add to the conversation other than to insult. But debate, healthy debate is not "arguing". It's a way to learn about other opinions, even if we don't agree. We don't have to agree. We also have to tell ourselves we don't have to agree and the persons we are putting our opinions out there to don't have to agree either. We need to accept that we are just exchanging ideas, much like exchanging cards at the holidays.
For example, another friend of mine posted a creationism meme. It stated "If we evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?" I laughed (in the comment also) that it wasn't actually what the theory of evolution stated. An immediate comment from another one of his friends was that was Darwin's theory. I replied back that it wasn't actually what he wrote. She may have been a little irritated--she's probably become familiar with people that would call her opinion stupid or assume she's uneducated or some other cruelty about her beliefs, but she asked anyway what did it say then and even brought up the hypothesis that some twist a little that we came from fish. So yes, she absolutely has had this argument online before. Maybe even in person. So I explained what Darwin actually wrote, that DNA testing has supported it mostly, but that Darwin was wrong about how closely related we are to apes. I caught the fish portion of her comment before I finished, so I explained that it was probably hoo-ha with the most common arguments against this. The scientific arguments would have been too technical and boring and the gist can be gotten from the common arguments against the fish theory. I'm sure she read it because of the time it took for her comeback, which was simply "I came from Adam and Eve." Okay. Do I agree with her? Honestly, no. I've read Darwin's book. It's honestly one of the most boring reads I've ever read, but I'm probably one of very few "evolutionists" that actually have. So think about what my response was....
"Sure. 6000 years ago. If that gives you strength to believe that, then believe whatever you want. I still believe there is a knight in shining armor for every woman. I might be wrong but it gives me comfort."
My question to those of us that would've told her how "idiotic" or "neolithic" or whatever other derogatory comments I've read when I've entered into similar online discussions, why? What is the point? Is it going to change our lives if she believes something that science doesn't back up? Is the world going to stop turning? Is hurting her feelings going to change her mind? On another argument, about enlightening her, again, how is trying to use a logical argument that tries to combine the her belief with the scientific theory going to change our lives? Do I think it's ludicrous? Of course I do. I'm Taoist and basically agree with the Dalai Lama. If science can prove it doesn't exist the way I thought it did, then I simply stop believing in it. I believe in reincarnation, like many Buddhists, Hindu, and several of the natural religions. I'm sure she could argue with me that it is a ridiculous belief and of course I could argue back that at least science can't prove it doesn't exist. But how would attacking my belief in reincarnation make the world a better place?
I find it fascinating that some people believe things no matter what. Group think, brain washing, what? But, what I find more fascinating? That faith often gives us the strength to get through the most difficult times. Maybe God doesn't exist. My own parents were sure there was/is no God. Yet, I believe in a God or higher power. It gives me comfort. So the fact that her belief in God might also be tied to a belief that I find hokey doesn't change that her faith is what is going to get her through the trying times. How arrogant are we to try to take that strength away from someone? Of course, that strength comes from within her--but it also comes from her beliefs, because those are inside her.
If we could start to view each other like human beings, people that are not all the same, and embrace the idea that when we post something that no way is everyone of our friends going to agree with us, then we could discuss politics without the hate that politicians like Trump try to stoke. We could take our differences and find a way to make the world better because as I was always told growing up: "There is no stupid idea. There is no right answer or wrong answer. There is only the answer." The answer for a group is compromise. The answer for the individual is whatever answer makes them happy without hurting anyone else. As the adage goes, "no harm, no foul".
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