i had a very rude awakening this week. a guy that i thought of as nothing more than a friend came to town and wanted to see me. some, well, all but one, of the emails he sent me were borderline inappropriate at best. after a call, i realized that i might not want to see him at all. his tone reeked that he thought more of me than i did him, but i'm not quite mean enough sometimes. i should've just said i'm not interested, but well, i'm not great at that kind of stuff. but then he started to sound a little raunchy in texts to me and even in an email. i wasn't thrilled, but i thought i could manuever around it. so i asked a buddy if i could use him as an excuse.
i know most people would just lie. but i'm a terrible liar for one, and i see no reason to lie. in retrospect it would've been much easier to just say i wasn't interested. but i know from experience this doesn't work well for me. guys like this genuinely think that i should be interested if i don't have a man. i'm basically a wuss in these situations. there are really some jerks that have tried to make me feel guilty and use that against me to get me to see them. this guy pulled that one first. i do feel guilty, not because i lead him on, but because he was attracted more than i wanted him to be. i don't know how to fix that. i know it's not really my fault. but this seems to be an on-going problem with some jerks when i'm single--they just don't get that i'm not interested, not going to ever be interested, and enough already.
if i just flat out tell them that i'm not interested, step 2, they respond just like this guy did. oh, he could tell, but he just wanted to see me. he understood, but he thinks the world of me. i've done this or that for his well-being and my friendship has just completely made him the man that he always wanted to be. or it was thoughts of me that got him through the rough spots. i was sooooo great. it always sounds so sincere, but ugh, i've heard it all before. then i spend 2 hours of my life listening to these guys try to cojole me into a sense of security that they understand what i've said. but that's all crap. when i've fallen for it in the past, it turns into me and a friggin' human octopus unwilling to leave me alone. i even had to kick one in the nuts once as he grabbed my arm in a parking lot, demanding that i see him. demanding! can you imagine?
so this guy was following this pattern pretty quickly, and i decided that i should back out completely from seeing him. too tired, too busy, can't. he continued to text--telling me how much i mean to him. ok, scary at this point. he's suggesting that he just come over, or one beer somewhere. at that point, i threw the big card--i have someone that i've sort of been seeing on and off since october. it's not going anywhere. he's too much work and i consider anyone that becomes work unworthy of my effort other than convenience (which is entire different blog). however, the main point is this jerk doesn't know that. it's not a complete lie (so i don't have to feel bad for being dishonest), but it should be enough to get the point across and still not burn a bridge. then like right out of the jerk-off playbook--he's supposedly dating someone and really did want to see me, could tell i was uncomfortable with it--and topped it off with he could rock my world. :O really, *sshole? at that point, the bridge, burned or not, done. don't want to deal with it. he continued to text me a couple of times until he left the next day. i refused to respond. enough already. i don't consider some jerk off trying to get in my pants a "friend".
the one thing these jerks usually have in common is that they are 10 or 15 or even 20 years older than me. i look like i'm in my mid-30s (so i'm told) and i get offers from 28 years old to 46 years old fairly regularly. i'm not bragging, because most of these guys are the types that have never had a relationship over 12 months long and are generally not as hot as they think they are. but why in the h*ll would i want some guy that isn't even attractive to me? let alone one that is way older than me and that makes me uncomfortable as hell? most of the time, it's the same b.s--because they could take care of me, rock my world, treat me better than guys in my own age category. lmao. really?!?! how is acting like a jerk, abusing a friendship by trying to use the guilt card, or disrespecting me and demanding that i acquiesce treating me better? i'm not some doll on a shelf. i can take care of myself and i may not know what i want. but, i definately know what i don't want. i don't want some geezer that can't take no for an answer.
i have a lot of guy friends. they don't disrespect me this way--ever. the ones that do, well, i cut them out of my life entirely. this guy may really have genuinely believed that he liked me, but the truth is you don't treat someone you like that way. if i had a boyfriend, well, i know that you just throw the boyfriend card and they used to back off. now sometimes that doesn't even work. i'm so ticked about it that i'm back on my no dating kick. i don't need this crap.
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