One of my mother's favorite books was Why I Am Not Christian by Bertrand Russell. It's really not so much of a book as a conglomeration of Bertrand Russell's writings and speeches that he gave over the course of his lifetime. (Look it up.) I find his writings interesting, but frankly, while I understand the arguments that he gives, I don't believe that a God or whatever you want to call the higher power (of course, I'm assuming that one exists) would care what his opinion was. I believe God, I'm going to call the higher entity God, expects us to learn certain life lessons. That's it. The power of prayer isn't so much about God, or whatever religious deity that we choose to invoke, as much as it is about the recesses of our minds. Of course, I've been told that I might be confused, generally by people still of Christian faiths, but while that might be the case I explain, God obviously has a point. Not sure what that point is sometimes, but everything happens for a reason, right?
Okay, well not everything happens for a reason. My parents believed everything was pretty random. Daddy and I used to have some interesting philosophical conversations since my father was still an atheist by the time he passed. (See previous blogs if you're lost.) My father was pretty adamant that there was no God, no afterlife, nothing but worm food, as he put it once. No higher power that might control anything. I told him that was ridiculous only because it was mathematically impossible for everything to be random. There's a mathematical theorem that states that there are certain random points that are fixed. In relation to Quantum Mechanics, that means that certain points in time must occur. It's all basically very confusing, but when it comes right down to it, if we come to a fork in the road and we make a wrong turn that causes us to miss that fixed random point, we will come back full circle to the point that we had to travel through. That my father said could just be the universe. Perhaps. But then isn't the universe somehow organized that it is in fact smarter than we are if it can set fixed points that seem altogether random that we have to go through?
Someone asked me why I came back to South Carolina. It's home, to me, it's home. It's easy enough to explain. I've lived here longer than anywhere else. I have more friends here than anywhere else. I have people that are family--the family we choose is often better than the one that God gave us--assuming that is a choice God makes for us. Of course, most of the reasons that I left lost all their luster, for various reasons. Then also consider, that my mind, my heart, my soul even wouldn't let go of the idea of coming back. Now, here's an interesting quandary. The reasons that I came back have even altered since I came back. I mean, not the reasoning, but the actual reasons. Funny how the mind works. Whatever points I missed there are a couple of things now that are glaring me in the face. I missed a couple, maybe more, of my fixed random points and I should never have left in the first place. As one of my Shaman friends will say, life will bring us back where we belong. It all sounded like hoo-ha sometimes when she and I would talk, but she was the first person to point out that I referred to South Carolina as home--not anywhere else I had ever lived. She also was the one that pointed out that I had gone from the beginning of the Trail of Tears to the end of it. I hadn't thought about it until that point. Whatever I had left behind, just like those that were forced along that march, I was going to have to go back to it sooner or later. I mean figure the odds that my ex had contemplated us leaving the military and moving to the Upstate. Then consider the odds my youngest's dad would have wanted to move here too. Yet, I know of circumstances similar. One of my best friends was at a party in Sigonella, Italy while she was stationed there. At the same party was a guy who shared a load of mutual friends but they had not met there. They had missed each other. Eventually, they would meet in Jacksonville, Florida and within 9 months of starting to date were married. Yes, happy ending here: they have been married over 20 years now. All of the sudden when asked where I was from rather than going through a lengthy description about how I grew up, well, South Carolina is home.
I'm not saying that's how it works for everything. Everything doesn't happen for a reason. Sometimes things just happen because we were supposed to be somewhere that we were supposed to be in the first place. I'm not sure what that even means myself sometimes. Sometimes we're in a loop because we're too stupid to realize that we made a wrong turn. Now, here's where someone would tell me to pray on it. Praying isn't much different than my Buddhist friends telling me to meditate on it, at least not in this context. But prayers are not religious either. Prayers can be well wishes from all the people around us. The people that care about us. The mind is an amazing thing. Most of us use about 10% of the actual grey matter--good news for those of us that abuse the heck out of it. Our unconscious minds have an untapped ability to do great things, understand things that we would never give ourselves credit to be able to understand, and it's a gift. A gift from God, Allah, the Goddess, Mother Nature, whatever you want to call it. The ability to reason, pay attention and see the forest through the trees.
By no means am I trying to convert anyone to my point of view. I just really wish that some people, those that seem so incapable of accepting others' points of view, consider that maybe believing what each of us believes is part of what God wants us to recognize. Who cares really which version of religion as long as it gives us strength when we walk through our trials and tribulations? If it gives someone strength to believe there is no God, okay. My father was strong all in his own right and he was good to almost everyone. Hundreds of laborers, blue collar workers came to his funeral to pay their respect. How many consulting engineers can say that? How many people can say that they treated all people equal regardless of walk of life? My father could. He didn't need to believe in God to do right by others. Maybe that was God's way of letting my father be the person that he needed to be. I have no idea. I know plenty of people who claim to believe in a God and follow a particular faith and hate. Even use their faith to justify their hateful behavior, or at least excuse it. I have to believe that God will balance that out. The universe will balance itself out. Energy is neither created or destroyed. It changes form. (See a previous blog on Karma.)
As I sit on my back deck writing this, with a cool breeze, plenty of shade, I'm comfortable that I made the right decision. I'm sure that some of the less popular ones that I've made--at least less popular with me in retrospect--have all gotten me back here. My faith allows me that. I don't need anyone to agree with my faith or my view of God. I never needed my father's approval for my faith. It always made for interesting discussions though. I miss those most. I miss our discussions about all kinds of stuff honestly. As I said earlier, my father said he was going to be worm food. I prefer to believe that part of him is always attached to me--much like some religions believe that certain souls are connected, intertwined. I also prefer to believe by now that he is probably reincarnated, regardless of what he thought. I see nothing wrong if my stepmother believes that he is in heaven. As I stated earlier, our beliefs are what give us strength. There's no right or wrong belief. The Dalai Lama was once asked about Christians that believe in Creationism. The question was a trap to incite conflict. I found the Dalai Lama's response fascinating. He basically said that as we grow in reason, as human beings, if science can disprove something, then Buddhists wouldn't believe in it anymore. Much like a magic show, once we know how it actually works, there is no "magic" to it anymore. The follow up question was what if science could disprove reincarnation. Reincarnation is a fundamental belief of most Eastern religions and most certainly of Tibetan Buddhism. His answer: "We would simply stop believing in it. But how will science disprove it?" The egg-chicken argument. There is no answer. At least right now. I'm hoping science never can disprove it. It's so much nicer to think Daddy is a toddler somewhere rather than worm food.
While I'm sure that my beliefs are not conventional, I do let science rush to my reason. I need mathematics and physics to help me understand my view. I just don't believe that all of the wonders that I have seen are nothing but complete random happenings. Perhaps that was why Bertrand Russell appealed to my mother so much. There was just logic, no science. Bertrand Russell used Christianity's own writings to dispel a lot of the things that some Christians still follow. But as I told my parents once, does it matter if I believe something you don't? If I do no harm, why can't you have the strength to believe what you believe and I have the strength to believe what I believe? I tend to believe that the only people that need everyone else to believe as they do are the people that lack that strength. Perhaps I am naive. Strength should not come from one's faith. Faith should come from one's strength. Again, depending upon your point of view another chicken-egg quandary.
No comments:
Post a Comment