So a lot of women apparently are responding with #yesallwomen because of a mentally ill young man who went on a shooting spree with women telling their stories of assault, sexual misconduct, rape and other unfair, unethical and/or illegal treatment of women. A myriad of responses from men now with #notallmen with men trying to defend themselves that not all men are like this young man. A very good friend of mine had asked me what I thought being a single, educated woman who has raised three boys on my own. He and his wife have 3 boys also, but I think he's wondering if my perception would be any different from his wife's or other female friends. I tend to have a unique way of looking at things--outside the box, I suppose.
So the first thing I did was look up this young man's history. His dad is a low end Hollywood director. His mother was on some reality show. He wanted to be important but he seemed to fall short of being anything more than less than what he envisioned himself as. I feel sorry for this young man from a mother's perspective. He was obviously ill, but we are so quick over the last 20 years to make excuses for everyone we have created these people that think they are entitled even though they've done nothing to try to earn anything for themselves. This boy was no different. He wanted it handed to him on a silver platter--hot girlfriend, awesome job, awesome money. Bottom line, no one apparently ever told this young man, or at least instilled in him, the need to be responsible and earn those things that you think you want. Even if he had earned those things he might have been dismayed by the fact that sometimes no matter how hard we work we don't get what we want.
Of course, his rants on YouTube (since pulled) have sparked the #yesallwomen and #notallmen--responses to the big can of worms in the room: Are women victims still? Are there still a lot of misogynistic men out there? Are women still ill treated by a lot of men? One woman's post compared men to a bag of M and Ms with 10% of them poisoned...basically claiming that women should have nothing to do with men at all because if 10% of them are "poison" why risk it?
First, the answer is: yes AND no.
Yes, women still put up with male chauvinism in the workplace. Women are still raped and it's still very difficult to prosecute rape cases because any attorney will tell you that rape is still the one case where they can get women's previous sexual history in front of the jury. Women are still paid an average of 70 cents on the dollar to their male counterparts.
No, not all men are bad. Even the 10%, assuming that I even believe it's that high, and by the way I don't, men are not poisoned food. Men are human beings. Like any of us on this planet, some of us are nicer than others, but I hardly think this young man is even remotely representative of all the men on this planet. I may be a little naive, but I believe there are still a lot of good people in this world--that includes lots and lots of men.
Women as a whole have come a long way. We have. Only 100 years ago, we could not vote. Only just over 80 years ago, women proved that we could weld and forge metal and supply a war machine with tanks, aircraft, jeeps and bombs. It's only been 50 years since the birth control pill was legalized for American consumption via prescription. Less than 40 years ago, there were still blue book laws that stated a woman could legally be raped by her husband. Just over 20 years ago, the United States Navy stopped referring to women as WAVES (women's auxiliary volunteer emergency service) and started respecting women in the Navy as sailors. Only in the last 20 years have the Army, Air Force and Marines followed suit. In fact, in spite of studies done by the USSR and Israel proving that female snipers are more effective than male counterparts, American women still question ourselves whether we belong in combat roles or not--let alone whether men do.
We have forgotten what women before us endured:
Courts rarely sanctioned divorce and most often did not order any means of child support less than 50 years ago.
Societal norms only 200 years ago allowed a man in many cultures, including some European that migrated here to the United States, to rape his eldest daughter once his wife tired of sexually gratifying him or he grew tired of his wife's aging appearance.
Rape was sanctioned under marital law. (You married him; you were stuck with him.)
Only 100 years ago, women could not own property in most circumstances.
Women were institutionalized at the turn of the last century if they did not conform with societal norms. My own great aunt was institutionalized because she liked to wear pants. By the time they had decided to release her because nothing was wrong with her, she had lived in a mental institution for over 40 years.
Women could not bare children out of wedlock without it being a piece of that child's record for the rest of their lives. Children bore out of wedlock had their birth certificates stamped "bastard". This practice went on in some states into the 1970s.
Women who insisted on divorcing their husbands could have their children taken from them and put into orphanages if they did not have the financial means to support their children.
Women were discouraged even by universities and colleges to attempt any programs other than nursing and teaching.
Rape was always the woman's fault. She was always asking for it. Our court system still has a hard time not allowing the victims of rape to be put on trial for their past, yet the defendant has the right to have their past excluded.
Women who married well financially, lived well financially. Marital options were limited to those in your same social class. Hell, even in the 1980s, I heard a friend's father say to him about a girl he was dating, "you date girls from the wrong side of the tracks; you don't marry them." How's that for coming a long way, baby?
There are still blue book laws that state that a man, a spouse, can beat his wife in public and it's considered "domestic" not assault. Even if there are 40 witnesses, in some areas, she still has to be the one to say he did it or he goes free.
Since women could hold no property 100 years ago, many women could not have any money whatsoever. All household monies were their father's or husband's and therefore they couldn't purchase anything without his consent.
Only 50 years ago, it was considered socially unacceptable for a woman to show her knees. Who knew the 1960s would blow that out of the water?!?!
Even now, we tell girls that they cannot wrestle or play football. It's a big argument whether we can serve in combat. One in 4 women have been raped. 70% of women say that sexual harassment still occurs in the workplace--while only 40% say that they would report it. Women still get jealous of each other because of the way we look, carry ourselves, who our friends are. We can be our own worst enemies.
So, yes, the answer is all women, every single one of us, has experienced some form of horrible stuff--whether abuse by a spouse or boyfriend, rape, sexual harassment, just some clown cursing us in a bar because we're not interested. We've all been treated like crap by a man at some point in our lives. But not all men. Maybe one. Maybe more based on our individual circumstances. But worse yet, we can all claim that we have been harassed by at least one other woman. As I said, we can be our own worst enemies.
Men, well, some of them are just pigs. Not all, not even close to all. However, interestingly enough, many men think because they themselves would never treat a woman that way, do not say anything when a woman is. She's entered their arena and therefore often the many think that we should be treated inappropriately because of it. Yes, we're on the football field. That doesn't mean low blows are appropriate. A man should not get away with making vulgar comments about a co-worker to "put her in her place". It's not high school. It's the equivalent of shoving her in a locker and closing the door, to put it in the simplest terms.
As far as this young man's rants, well, sorry ladies. Not all men view women with hate and discontent because they're not getting laid. Are there men like this? Yes, very sadly so. As far as those men that think women suck because they are not getting laid, 40% of single women have the same complaint. Go figure. We just don't get all upset about it and go shooting up a place.
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