Intervention...

Last summer, three of my friends--including my sister, decided it was time (individually, although I wonder if it wasn't over several concerted discussions they had leading up to telling me) to tell me it was time I quit dating morons.  I already wrote the blog about this, but after reading one of my friends FB posts this morning, it occurred to me there's probably a bunch of us that could stand for our friends to intervene.  The difference between an "intervention" and a busy body though has to be considered.  The 3 people who basically told me to stop dating idiots did so with the best of intentions and obviously thought it out before doing so.  Truth is none of us have "drama free" lives, so each of us can have moments needing "intervention".

First, I used to look at some people and think "oh wow, how perfect a life.  How lucky they are."  But truth is no one has the "perfect" life.  I mean my sister will tell me I have a much better life staying single.  Sure, from her point of view I do.  She's been with her husband over 40 years, and while she loves him with all her heart, they have had their ups and downs.  And, that's a long damn time with anyone.  Oh, yes, I am very aware that my point of view of 40+ years with someone being a long damn time is probably part of my problem.  But, that's not the point.  The grass is always better on the other side.  Every cow thinks the pasture they're living in is missing something when they think they've eaten all the grass...but eventually the grass grows back.  So, it's all perception.  I like my pasture.  No one tells me what to do or when to do it or who to do it with.  And, yet, that's kind of a void at times too.  The downside is everyone really wants to have someone to make some decisions with.  It's kind of human nature.  So, while my sister's pasture looks awesome too; it wasn't the pasture I got put in.

Anyway, my friend is having relationship problems.  It happens.  Anyone who thinks relationships are going to be "perfect" when they go into one hasn't been paying attention to the other pastures.  There's no such thing.  I have a couple of friends that are married that share their FB account.  They literally only have the one account.  I think this is T-totally weird.  It works for them.  I'd be annoyed every time my significant other was in a conversation and my phone was dinging--particularly if I were busy at work.  But, while they are one of the happiest couples that I know, I know their relationship would feel completely stifling to me.  So this other friend of mine, well, she really is like me that she doesn't want that type of relationship.  However, she's bitching on FB like that's what she really wants.  First, bitching about your relationship on FB is a lot of entertainment for some people.  Not necessarily conducive to maintaining a good relationship though, because basically, everyone and their brother is going to proffer up their useless opinions.  Why useless?  Well, while they all have the best of intentions by "intervening", they simply don't know you well enough.  I know her well enough to know that she's not in a bad relationship for her.  It's pretty good for her overall.  They just hit a patch of weeds in their pasture.  I keep my opinions of it to myself though on it because it's HER relationship.  She's venting.  I could say over and over that I don't think FB is the place to vent directly about her relationship, but it's her relationship.  I read it and worry a little.  I might send her a private  message but here's what I noticed.  With one exception, the people posting advice really don't know her at all.  Mostly women who are basing their inputs not on my friend or who her man is, but on who they are, their men are or have been and their own "experiences".  If I offer up my two cents, it will be because I actually know her and him.  I have experience enough of my own AND observing them first hand to give her an opinion based on them instead of me.  If your only input is you, shut up already.  You don't know her and you're doing more damage than help.  She was second guessing herself and you don't know her well enough to know why.  She would go insane if he was bugging her like she's bitching supposedly wanting.  She's actually just bitching about one incident, not an on-going issue.  It's all debatable whether FB is the place to vent, but hell POTUS does it on Twitter daily, so cut her a break!!!

Now, don't get me wrong.  I watch FB and I will intervene immediately with a comment or private message if I think my friend is depressed, suffering immensely and just needs a vote of confidence, but that isn't what is happening here.  "Intervening" is when you genuinely think you need to help. Help being the key word.  But you're just being a busy body if you are handing out relationship advice like "Dear Amy" (or "Abby" for you older types) without knowing the people involved.  We see more snippets of each other's lives on FB and other means of social media than we would of acquaintances and even friends if there was no social media.  It does NOT mean that you know them and their lives.  It means you might know more than you should.  However, that doesn't mean that you know enough.  It's still just snippets.  I want to thank my friends for their intervention last summer, but they know me.  Next time you think you want to intervene, remember if you don't know more than what you've seen on FB, then you really probably don't know.  Let real friends intervene.