I've never quite understood why people think the pretty girl is always the b*tch. In movies and television, even the nerdy, quiet chick is cute--they have to be. Who wants to pay to go see a movie where there's unattractive people? It's like the stereotype of wife beaters. We all assume that the majority are white males that live in trailer parks. It's the most popular image that comes to mind. Truth is that statistically 22+% of men commit spousal abuse--that we know of. The statistics are of course based on reported cases and counts done by groups that organize safe houses. More shocking almost 8% of women abuse their spouse or boyfriend. Seriously, and the spread of this is not exclusive to lower incomes. In fact, by percentage, in higher incomes the 22% and 8% still hold steady. Less people in the higher incomes, so by count less, yes, but by percentages, shockingly the same. So why do we make assumptions and stereotypes about them? The show COPS? The count on those mugshot websites? Maybe even movies--pretty rare to see a movie about some rich CEO being an abusive ass. Likewise, why would we believe that pretty women are automatically horrible human beings? Taylor Swift sings a song, a jealous berating song, about how she--as the girl next door--knows the boy better than the high-heeled cheerleader...Have you seen Taylor Swift? A lot of people I know find her extremely attractive. Maybe she was in the band, but even as a kid, she wasn't a "dog". The assumption that a pretty, attractive woman is an ugly person on the inside is about as smart as assuming that a CEO isn't beating his wife when she shows up with bruises on a regular basis and odd stories of bumping herself on the stair railing.
I have a lot of very physically attractive friends. We're not the odd "stereotype" of the pretty girl hanging with the uglier girl to make herself look more appealing. In fact, pretty women that are confident in themselves don't need that stereotype. The more hot girls hanging together, the more attention they command. Odds go up when you have several women that each can attract a percentage of men in the room. I know that sounds evil, but whether looking for men or not, attention from men does up the "real estate". Likewise, see a man with an attractive woman, and he gains attention from both the men and women in the room--it's how our society is, sadly enough. From humble observation, typically it is the less than average to slightly above average women that insist on finding the ugliest friend they can to pow wow around with. Like in the movie "Hall Pass", the guy blocks the view of the friends around the "hot chick" and voila, not so hot. The fact is that every woman at some point realizes where they are on the scale of 1 to 10. Some give themselves a higher number than they are, and some give themselves a lower number--but it's always give or take 1 or 2 based on the woman's personality. They've conducted some studies on how we perceive ourselves. In one very interesting study, 20 men and women were "bagged" over their faces. They were dressed the same so that there were no assumptions on body shape. Then, each man was given a number 1 to 10 on their chest, likewise with the women, without knowing what numbers they had on their chests. Eventually as the group interacted, the 10 ended up with the other 10, 9 with 9, et cetera. Even without physical markings other than a number representing the marking, they ended up migrated to one another. Even more important to consider, since they were unaware of their own number, their interactions told them what number they were in the eyes of the others in the group. The assumption that we migrate initially to people that we assume equal in appearance was proven. So at a certain age, we realize what our "number" is and also what other people's "numbers" are, and we base our desires on those numbers, generally.
At what age do we realize this? Well, I've asked several of my "pretty" friends. Most will tell you that physical appearance has nothing to do with it because it's what is on the inside that counts. Still, they generally will state unequivically that it wasn't in high school or as a teenager. Most realized it in their late 20s. Yes, seriously. I myself was almost 30 by the time it started to hit me that I attracted a lot of guys. I was so clueless, but one of my best friends told me "you realize that I have never seen you with a guy that was less than an 8.5. I laughed, and told her that was ridiculous. She named off the dates that I had gone out on in the last six months. Good looking, friggin hot, really cute, super sexy, she thought I was turning down jackpot after jackpot after jackpot. Then she punchlined it with: "But of course, you can afford to be picky. You're a hottie yourself." I went home looked in the mirror. I saw chub everywhere--for the ladies, I was a size 3/4. I saw some of my father's features--yes, Daddy was handsome, but not so much for a chick. I had a lot of muscle tissue from being in the military and kickboxing. I got on the scale and I weighed almost 150 pounds. What I missed: I look a lot like my mother too. I have a smile that most of my friends describe as infectious. I have the standard "sexy" curvature measurements where the bust line and the hip line are the same and the waist is approximately 1/3 smaller. This hourglass figure is about 8.5% of the women. There's even been a study on this that men supposedly find the "hourglass" figure the most attractive, regardless of the girth. Marilyn Monroe was actually a perfect speciman of the 1/3rd rule, and she was a 12 to 14 in today's sizes. Marilyn Monroe is also, unfortunately, one of those pretty women who was eaten up inside because pretty women take a lot of abuse. Once you realize that you're "pretty", life doesn't become easier, but far more complicated.
Really? Complicated? Yes. As one of my really good friends put it, you spend at least half of your time trying to put other women at ease around you. That's the best way I've ever heard it put. A pretty woman cannot afford to focus on the men around her while the above average looking to lower can. Even if we are with a man, we know that we can still put off other women if we do not show them that we are more interested in them than we are the men. We have to recognize and pay respect to the women first. It becomes difficult, because many women when they first meet you are ill at ease. Many of us, as another friend puts it, become stand-off-ish rather than take the "beating" from other women. It's very hard to go into a bathrooom stall and hear two women, particularly if you know they are aware you went into the bathroom, to stand there in front of the mirror and berate you when they don't even know you. "She thinks she's so cute." "No one likes her." "I'm going to tell (some guy) that he needs to quit talking to her, because (some derogatory comment about the way you look)." Yes, it happens, and it happens to every pretty woman that you've ever met. And the assumption that it's only the most unattractive women that are that mean is crap. In fact, they are generally less likely to be the culprits. Often it's women that are less than average to above average who recognize, consciously or subconsciously, that you are more physically attractive than they are. I've been asked why I love the biker community so much. Afterall, the stereotype of bikers is that women are demeaned, have to show their boobs and that biker men are the most chauvinistic of them all. Again, stereotypes are a nightmare. Truth is that in general the men allow their women the freedom to choose what they will or will not do, but more importantly, the mass majority of biker women--riders or on the back--that have been part of the community for a while and have attended rallies don't give a rat's ass what you look like. There's very little need to "put them at ease". There are still the small percentage that can be heinous, but if they know you'll stand up for yourself, the majority of the other biker women will get behind you and stand by your side, telling them to f*ck off with you. No other community allows an attractive, confident--or any confident woman, for that matter--be herself like the biker community. There's a reason that a majority of Harley's new bike sales are geared towards women now. Those of us that have confidence find a home in the biker community that reveres us rather than beats us down. It's difficult in other "communities". I have a friend that was "the country club" diva. The stress, the catfighting, the drama, she couldn't take the pressure. Her husband (the one at the time anyway) emotionally brow beat her if he overheard anything derogatory about her from any of the other women, which turned out to be a weekly, sometimes daily, occurance. The pills, the alcohol, nothing was making it go away and any self-confidence that this beautiful woman had built prior to becoming one of the "divas" of this community was crushed, destroyed under the weight of the pressure. She found her strength, dropped the pills, even the alcohol for a while to avoid using it as a crutch, and walked away. The cruelty of other women, and the fact the one person that should've been at her defense let her down, made the life there unbearable. Like many other attractive women, she found it was easier to find other attractive women to establish friendships with, because the games of trying to ease someone else's mind was too much work. The irony in this example is many of the women were attractive, but unlike a lot of them, she had no plastic surgery or enhancements and needed no makeup to look amazing. The phony women often hate the naturally attractive women the most and there's no putting them at ease, ever.
Consider how difficult it must be. For men, being attractive is a huge plus. A heinous jerk can command respect with a little bit of brains and a lot of good looking--Donald Trump was considered a pretty good looking man in the 80s. I find him repulsive, because of the way he treated Ivana, his arrogance and what I find to be a lack of class. His actions have often struck me as repugnant. If an attractive woman were the same, oh my GOD, she would be brow beaten and cursed like it was going out of style. I can name beautiful woman after beautiful woman that was crushed under her own beauty. Gia Carangi, Marilyn Monroe, Rita Hayworth, Sophia Loren, Audrey Hepburn, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Mariah Carey...some of the major icons of beauty all suffered unhappiness, scandals and disappointments mainly because of the focus on their physical appearance. Usually their meltdowns are all over the major newspapers and new shows, let alone the tabloid trash media. The media loves to crush a beautiful woman, especially when the stress starts to get to her. Why? Because a lot of us like to crush a beautiful woman. We love to see them fall, and it's shameless. When have you ever heard of a Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Sean Connery, Jason Aldean, Tim McGraw, Paul McCartney, Bruce Willis, Russell Crowe, Christian Bale, etc. having a meltdown because the media picked on their looks? No one ever posts a picture of them fat and gross looking. That's simply not news. Even if it was news, men typically shake off bad pictures of themselves, whereas, as beautiful women, well now, the fact is a lot of us think it's news. It's not news. It's that attractive men are attractive no matter what, heinous, jackass, jerk, fat, balding. There are still plenty of people that think Mel Gibson is attractive in spite of his ridiculous comments. Sean Connery and Russell Crowe have been accused of being abusive by exes. Who cares? They're friggin HOT. Attractive women on the other hand are that girl that blew you off in high school, that got the guy you wanted, that got more attention in the club you hung out in, got in free instead of paying the $10 cover charge to get in, got to the head of the line because the club prefers "pretty" people (ups the club's "real estate"), got the job you wanted because they noticed her work first instead of yours (not that if you're honest with yourself your work was equal or even less). The same guy, well, the girls want to date him and the guys want to be him. Really doesn't matter if he's a jerk or not; really doesn't matter if she's a total sweetheart. That is the world we live in, and the attractive women have to learn to navigate it like a ship in a hurricane.
Are there women that are very attractive that are heinously bitchy? Think about how you would feel in the world I describe. Imagine if everytime you met someone new, your odds that they wouldn't like you just because of your appearance was quadrupled. Imagine that anyone you've ever dated gets to hear someone make derogatory comments about you--sometimes even while still dating you. Imagine sometimes having to defend yourself to the one you love, because he's not confident enough to stand up for you. Imagine you are that pretty woman sitting in that bathroom stall listening to other women who haven't spoken a single word to you berate you, put you down, and make sure that you get to hear it--not just a one-off, but often over and over and over. Imagine how it would feel to constantly feel like you have to defend yourself, watch your every word, know that your every move was going to turn into someone's gossip--be it at work, at the corner bar you stop at once in awhile, your neighbors, and even sometimes the people you thought were your friends. Men often will say "that would be awesome". Truth is some men would think it would be awesome. Means they are the top of the heap, they can get more women. But I'm betting most of the men and almost all the women if they can sympathize at all are going to say "thanks, but no thanks." Sometimes, it's better to blend, and really a lot of the time, it sucks not to blend. Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth. But sometimes the gift horse comes with a lot more inside than what it looks like from the outside. Next time you meet what you would describe as a beautiful woman, consider what her life must be like, instead of what you perceive as what would be the perfect life.
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