Facebook..friends?

Yes, I know we almost all Facebook anymore.  Afterall, when's the last time anyone asked you if you're on MySpace?  If memory serves me, I have about 260 Facebook friends, give or take a few.  Of them, some are family, best friends, close friends, real friends.  Some are acquaintances--people who I like to think could be friends someday.  I clean out my friends list periodically.  I'm not looking to be the politically correct person vying for as many friends as possible, nor am I playing any of those games that the more friends that I have playing the more points I accumulate.  (Hint:  Stop sending me game requests. So, back on point.)  I use Facebook as a way to keep up with my friends.  I like to read what my friends have on their minds, see the pictures of their kids or grandkids, read a good laugh that they saw on someone else's page.  It's made it easier than having a phone call with them describing events and having to draw the picture of events in my mind.  I may not talk to my friend in Hong Kong in years, but every once in a while, but I see his Ironman contest pictures, his vacation pics, and every so often have to comment.  I get to see my friend's granddaughter getting bigger--no more of this going to SC and saying "wow! look how big she's gotten" because I only remember her as a tiny little thing.  I can see how happy my brother and his girlfriend are and share in that happiness, even though we only talk a couple times a year.  I can see my niece dancing around in a chair on her patio because she's discovered that different leans in the chair make different musical notes.  Regardless, Facebook let's me keep up  with family and friends that are scattered across the country and some around the world.  The social mediums, mainly FB, are a way to remain in touch with people that only an hundred years ago the only way of continuous contact were letters that took weeks, sometimes months, to reach their intended recipient.  The world has become more connected and in most ways that is wonderful.

It's also a place where people feel that they can be forgiven for all their transgressions.  I've cut people off my Facebook just because they act like complete *ssholes online.  The fact they're behind a computer seems to make it somehow ok to treat others disrespectfully.  I've even changed my settings because of a couple of them that shared mutual friends and finally blocked them also.  Just because I allow friends of friends to comment, like and post doesn't mean that after I've removed someone that he should be posting anymore to my page.  Especially when I've asked them repeated via email, messenger and/or in person to behave on my social media page.  Yet, some people think that is appropriate behavior.  One was always the nicest guy in person even (I've blogged about him before), but online one of the biggest pr*cks I have ever met--in person or otherwise.  Too shame, as my grandmother would have put it.  Too shame. 

So, imagine my surprise this morning upon receiving a friend request from someone who has threatened me, accused me of heinous things, perpetuated what they personally knew to be lies about me and all because of a group that were doing things that they shouldn't have been doing.  I'm serious.  Yes, I did consider him a friend, about 3 years ago.  I do worry about his health (he has serious health issues) because I'm human and because I did consider him a friend before.  But, just because I'm polite in person, cordial and express concern over his health doesn't rewind the clock and make us friends.  In person, it seems clear.  It's polite conversation.  Online, now that he's getting involved in the social media, we should be "friends".  I see no reason to be friends online with someone that blatantly stabbed me in the back, perpetuated lies about me and even threatened me himself.  Seriously.  What in the hell would possess anyone to think all is good he/she is now on Facebook? 

I know one excuse might be because he wants all to be "forgiven".  Well, yes, it is all forgiven in spite of the fact that many of the lies he engaged in are still perpetuating themselves.  The truth is what it is no matter what, so the concept of forgiving someone is more about me than it is them.  An acquaintance told me "there are always two sides to any story and then the truth is somewhere in between".  I've thought about that statement a lot too, especially in regards to this person.  I thought of him as a brother.  I never would've imagined him threatening me, drunken stupor or otherwise, and least of all, participating in a lynch mob mentality against someone who never spoke an ill word of him.  But that is who he is or chooses to be.  I cannot change that; I can only decide if I find it acceptable to have in my life.  The truth isn't really somewhere in the middle, as the words "in between" would lead one to believe.  The truth is that where a group of bullies are concerned, there's only the little guy and the ring leader.  The Nazis were a group of 17% of the German population, yet 80% of the German population willingly took the belongings and homes of "wealthy" Jews because it benefited them.  Amazing how the truth is that people can become very ugly when it benefits them, regardless of right or wrong.  This former friend, well, I don't care how it benefited him.  I'm only considering that I have forgiven and don't really care beyond that.

My Grams used to say, "fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me."  While I'll be polite, have a pleasant informal conversation, and even give a friendly wave in passing by, it doesn't change that I don't trust him, wouldn't begin to, and certainly don't owe him anything.  I see no reason to engage his social media friendship either.  I know some people really dream of being something in the group or in the parent organization of that group.  The bullies to me are not worth it.  I could care less about some pissant title or credit, and least of all, at the expense of others.  Yes, I suppose if I did care about that, then absolutely, I should accept his friend request.  But what I care about is that he bullied me, lied about me and to me, and doesn't even have the first bit of self respect to formulate an apology.  Yes, maybe his request is that olive branch apology.  In which case, he really needs to look in the mirror.  An apology is heartfelt and genuine and not as easy as pushing a button on a mouse.  I see no reason to let this person have anymore access to my life than I do any other random stranger...there's no reason to add him or any of the people that were involved to my Facebook friends.  I don't play Candy Crush or Farmville, so I only need people worthy or acquaintances that haven't already proven themselves unworthy.  Thanks for the request, olive branch or otherwise, but no thanks.