Paula Deen said the "N" word. Shocking, I know. A white Southerner raised roughly in the 50s and 60s using the "N" word really isn't that shocking. A white Southern lady, again raised in the 50s and 60s using the "N" word--nope, not really that shocking. A white popular figure Southern lady, famous on television for her Southern manners, the sweet Southern twang, and some of the best recipes on either side of the Mississippi? Why by George's, hide the chil'n and put up the livestock!!! A group of her employees have decided to sue her. She says that she never used the slur in regards to employees, but in her deposition I guess, admitted to using the racial slur 27 years ago. Let's see, 27 years ago, oh my, 1986. I'm shocked and dismayed that she would've still been using such an inappropriate word in 1986!!! Ok, no, I'm not. Think back to 1986, if you remember it. Bill Cosby's show was the most popular television show on TV. It was also still the only "black" show on mainstream television. The only blacks, African Americans, in commercials--again, Bill Cosby for pudding. Fox Television would eventually change all that, but that's not for this blog. I've seen some of the arguments about her using the word, ever. She's outrageous, she should pay, that's not the world we live in. Really? Are we sure about that? Is it the "N" word that we are worried about or the fact a prominent white person used it? Is it really about racism or greed? It's a word. Just a word. Nigger.
First of all, some of the African American community have embraced, owned the word. Biggie, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, JayZ, Tupac--all some of my favorite artists use the word like a badge of honor. Young black men and women use it like an epitath of respect to each other. At other times, they use it towards each other as a derogatory term. I love to watch Boondocks re-runs. The grandfather is hilarious. He uses it to refer to black men he doesn't like very liberally. His grandsons use it as often as a cool thing. It reminds me of the word "bitch". Women own the word "bitch". If someone calls a woman a bitch, most women will turn around and say something along the lines of "damn straight"--even if the name caller meant it in the derogatory way. I worked with mostly men all my life and I guarantee there were times someone would say something like "I hate that bitch" or "she's a f**king bitch". It would get back to me, and I would think, "that's the best you can do?" No one runs to HR because someone called them a bitch (ok, maybe a really religious, pious woman, but not the majority). Women shake it off as a compliment. "Damn skippy I'm a bitch!! If you think I'm a bitch now, wait til I'm PMS'ing." On the other hand, call a woman a "cunt". OH MY GOD!! All holy hell is gonna break off in your *ss. Women don't call each other the "C" word unless they really distain each other, and we don't like when anyone--men pretty much--use it regardless of who they are talking about. We don't "own" the word; we dispise it. And if you're not a woman, well, holy crap Batman. You better have the God given sense not to use it in front of any women. Nothing makes women leap all over themselves to defend other women--like them or not--than the "C" word. But you won't hear Beyonce, Lil' Kim, Gwen Stefani, Madonna, hell or even Courtney Love, use the "C" word. Women find it offensive and take no pride in hearing it and you better not use it if you're not a woman. Period. So the "N" word is used like a badge of pride, but only if you're black? Then, the African American community needs to address this problem. If it's a badge of honor like "Bitch", then anyone using it, regardless of race or sex, should still mean it's an "honor". I'm a bitch, and I can be a heinous one if you get on my bad side. I'm proud of it. If you call me one, I'm gonna tell ya--"Damn straight."
In an online exchange this morning, a woman who was 8 in 1986 said that's not the world she grew up in. Don't I know it. But guess what? That was still the world in 1986. She was a child and was most likely shielded from such ugliness. Good for her parents and family. But I was older in 1986, teenage. I remember it pretty damn well. The "N" word was everywhere still. There was a film with comedian Richard Pryor in it--"The Toy"--in 1982. The movie was hysterical. Richard Pryor was one of the greatest comedians of the time. He played a black man where a rich white kid wants him as a "toy". The father, played by Jackie Gleason--who played a lot of "prejudice" characters in his life--made Pryor's character a deal to be the little boy's toy. There was an outrage over the movie--from some of the black community because he had played a "demeaning" role and some of the white community because it made all whites look like racists. But when asked, most of the "outraged" hadn't even seen the movie. More funny is that the movie got you to thinking about the stereotypes that we were living with and the fact that racism was still alive and well in America--albeit hidden behind the curtain of money and greed of the Yuppies. Those were the years of prosperity for many and there were lots of opportunities even for the poor to go to college. President Reagan dreamt of a world where anyone could go to college if they were smart enough--since Clinton our government has chipped away at that dream. Richard Pryor had been the poor black kid who obviously had been smart enough, but the opportunities were not there. Our society was changing, but still had, and still has, a long way to go. In stark contrast, Bill Cosby was well educated compared to most whites, let alone compared to Richard Pryor. It's still amazing to me that an educated black man can be more accepted than an uneducated one--regardless of talent. But then, newsflash--educated white men are more accepted than non-educated white men. It's not racism; it's life. The world wasn't a better place in the 1980s--it was heading there, but there would never have been a black President. The last known lynching in the United States was in 1981 in Alabama. One of the perpetrators was given the death sentence and became one of the last electric chair death sentences carried out on June 6, 1997. Sixteen years later. Medgar Evers was murdered in cold blood by a Ku Klux Klan member in 1963. His murderer, in spite of bragging in front of numerous witnesses over the years--even being quoted in a book, was not brought to justice until 1994, thirty one years later. And that was his 3rd trial. The idea that the world was what it is now and therefore Paula Deen should be punished for what she said in those days is ludicrous.
The idea isn't just ludicrous because the world changed, but who's to say that Paula Deen didn't? I'm half Asian, something I'm quite proud of...now. When I was a little girl, even the Miss Hawaii and Miss Puerto Rico contestants in the Miss America contest were blonde haired and usually blue eyed. It annoyed me to no end that my blonde cousins had "Barbie" and I had that stupid bitch "Skipper". I didn't like dolls. The only pretty ones were blonde. All pretty girls were blonde. The smart girls were brunettes, and the only truly "hot" brunette of the age was Jacklyn Smith. No offense to Jacklyn Smith, but she didn't have olive tone skin like a half Asian, or Native or Hispanic girl. And she definately didn't have "black" skin. So I do understand that blacks, African Americans, have every right to feel slighted back then, even more so than I would or did. But guess what? Barbie has evolved. Mattel now makes Barbie in all races, all hair colors, and with all kinds of cool occupations. Miss America contestants are a spectrum of races and hair colors--as should be for the Great Melting Pot. Several Hispanic descent and African American contestants have won. I'm still looking for that Asian or part Asian girl to win it. My grandparents were pretty racist when I was little. They were from the Silent Generation; it was a way of life for them. Italians, Irish, German, Hungarians, Polish, all should maintain their distance. The immigrants were dirty people only taking jobs from good Americans, you know. (Sound a little familiar America?) My Grams only rented to "good colored families". Her belief was that a good colored family had more respect for their belongings and others' belongings. She didn't consider herself racist, in spite of the fact that she still believed that there should be certain walls in between the races--which included other "whites". It was how she had been raised. Still my Grams didn't believe in separate but equal education either. She believed that a teacher, truly a teacher, should love all children the same and that each should be able to reach for the stars. Separate but equal in her mind did not allow for growth and exchange. My Grams even blurted out in front of my father after I was born, "Thank God" that I looked "white". (White is relative--I can pass for Italian or Hungarian, no problem.) My father was a bit hurt, but my Grams grew up in a world that had initally not let Japanese fight in the Second Great War, likewise with Germans and Italians. Although she liked my father, it mortified her what her little granddaughter might endure. Grams had watched the world change, but it wasn't like it is today. It was difficult for her to picture the world of today, although it was the world she hoped for. So the idea that Paula Deen wouldn't change over the years, learn about new cultures and people, is silly. Maybe if she still lived in the deep South, in a small town, and never became the celebrity she is now, sure. But just by being exposed to new things, new cities, new cultures--food is one of the most cultural of all and we know Paula loves food!! She has probably grown immeasurably. Mattel has and it's a major corporation. Miss America has--and it's scholarship programs should be open to all young women, regardless of race or creed. My Grams grew up in a world where racism of the worst level--"whites" even opposed to certain "white" races--was just common place. Yet, she grew to someone with a deep respect for others of other races. Although the words and the colloquialisms that she used would deeply offend most today, it didn't mean that she didn't grow, expand her mind, and change.
Now, I'm not accusing anyone of lying about whether Paula Deen used the words ever or even with people that worked for her. But consider Michael Jackson before we are so quick to judge against this woman. Michael Jackson was accused of being a pedophile and was harrassed for years by law enforcement. Even a second accusation, that police eventually couldn't prove because the child's description of Michael's body proved inaccurate. Michael Jackson was poked, prodded and examined, not just by the media, but quite literally by law enforcement trying to find a way to stick charges to him. The first case, the one that made this man's life probably a living hell under a microscope, was false. The child, once an adult, after Michael died, came out in a statement that the accusations were lies, his parents had just wanted money, and they had used him to accomplish it. Millions of dollars had been paid in an undisclosed settlement. Micheal's lawyers had advised him to settle to avoid further scrutiny and risk losing everything he had trying to fight false accusations. Our legal system is full of bullshit claims. Remember the lady who sued McDonalds for the coffee being too hot? Thanks bitch. Now, no matter where I buy my coffee I have to drink it on the way anywhere because by the time I get there it's lukewarm at best. How about the family that sued KFC for a fattening menu that contributed to their obesity? That was only 2006 folks. Really. Get your fat asses off the couch, walk around, get some exercise, and eat healthier once in a while. We've become a society that prefers to blame other people than take a long ass look in the mirror and wonder what we did to contribute. We take it as such common place now that we aren't even considering that these people suing Paula Deen probably throw the "N" word around themselves like it's going out of style. Again, refer back to paragraph 2, if you own the word and it's like a badge of honor, it doesn't matter who uses the damn word--black, white, purple, yellow or orange.
I'd like to say that I empathize, but truth is I can't even sympathize. If someone calls me a chink, or a spic or a featherhead (yes, seriously), I consider the source. They strike me as ignorant, but then, I don't run around calling myself "chink" either. I think if I did, and then I complained that someone else did--well, that would make me a hypocritical bitch now, wouldn't it? I'm quite proud of the bitch part, but I try to "practice what I preach" so I avoid being a hypocrite. Yes, I find the actions of anyone that calls themself "bitch" and then gets mad when someone they don't like calls them a "bitch" as bullshit. So I'm pretty sure that's how I feel about any other word--be it, chink, spic, featherhead or nigger. You use it in regards to yourself, then don't expect anyone else to not use it. It's not racism. It's just common sense. If it's a badge of honor, then it's "duh, asshole, I'm a bitch. Better than being a dumbass."
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