Lists. Well, one list. I used to have a list of everything that I didn't want in a relationship. My sister and one of my really good friends have insisted that I throw it away--metaphorically. It was never a written list. I don't know what I'm doing now. The list was so much easier. Of course, I wasn't using it the way I was "supposed" to. It pretty much became a method of me picking out someone that I didn't want to be with and making sure that something on the list was there to eventually bail. Now, I'm not working with anything and for someone as logical as me, this isn't working. I feel like I'm floundering around.
First off, I'm not attracted to many guys, and I'm not just talking about physical attraction. I'm not attracted to men that are stupid, and I don't usually know this until I've actually talked with them once. It doesn't take long--a few minutes to know if someone is "smart". I don't even bother with someone that isn't capable of keeping my attention. Don't get me wrong. I was raised by my Grams and I can certainly carry the conversation if necessary. I know plenty of guys that will tell my friends they are interested and my response is no. I'm a handful--probably more like two handfuls. There are very few guys that can "control" that attention. I can have my stupid conversations with my friends. I don't require my friends, female or male, to have a lot in common with me. I have a huge band of interests. I don't even expect the guy I date to have all the same interests--how boring would that be? But if he can't keep up and even exceed me in the first real conversation that we have, I have totally lost any interest from that point on.
Of course, the other thing is a guy has to really be able to appreciate that I am a girly girl and a total tomboy at the same time. I don't think most guys can really appreciate this. They either want the tomboy or the girly girl--the same package for both seems to confuse most guys. I also don't play "girl" games. I will not try to manipulate a situation to my advantage. I don't have the time to bother. When I get sick of a game, I stop and just walk away. I'll admit I have given up on guys just because the minute they start listening to drama women (or men for that matter) who know nothing about me, rather than attempt to defend myself, I just drop the idea completely. I do not have the time, nor should I or anyone for that matter, to defend myself against false accusations. Either you want to get to know me and decide for yourself or you don't. I spent 6 months once begging and pleading with an ex-boyfriend that knew things he was being told weren't true, even told me so, but didn't want to defend me. I've had plenty of friends defend me that did so because they are my friends, and I don't expect anyone dating me that hasn't got to know me yet to necessarily defend me. But I do expect them to have the gumption to say they are their own person and they will decide for themselves. I'm friends with a couple of ex-boyfriends. They will defend me most ardently to this day. They know who I am--we just weren't right for each other. I don't have time for someone that is going to listen to others. I have become friends with a couple of guys that I walked away from. They then want to restart dating. I guess there's a window where this is acceptable. Most of them let that window close before they come to that conclusion. But it takes a lot of internal strength to walk away from someone when they decide to hurt you, and giving them a "second" chance, well, sometimes it just doesn't make sense to risk them suddenly listening to other people again. You can't have a good relationship with someone where you don't believe they've got your back. If they listened to others once, then you already know that risk is there. Most people are not as complicated as I am, so most people try to bundle me in a box and usually their box is completely made up. I don't have the time to be stuffed in a box.
This is probably why I've dated some of the guys I have. It's really much easier to date someone that you know deep down that you are going to throw out sooner or later. The list was full of things that I don't like. It's really easy to find that and date that. Finding what I actually want. Well, I don't really have any list. What's here is it. I mean it's not that complicated until you realize that I meet like maybe 1 or 2 guys a year tops that meet these requirements. I think the girly girl, tomboy thing really establishes a major issue most of the time. Some guys are fascinated by it. Usually a very bad sign. Some guys are intimidated by it. Also a very bad sign. Some guys listen to other people that are confused and intimidated by it. Not so good either. Usually the 1 or 2 fall into one of these 3 categories. But oh well. This is where I shrug my shoulders and figure what's meant to be will be. I'm not sure other women have these problems too. Maybe, maybe not. Doesn't really matter. Each of us is one of a kind even if we share certain similarities. This blog is probably just about me.
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