How are you looking back at 2016? I don't know how you are, but let me share my hindsight. The year as a whole was about changing everything. That's how I look at it. And I changed a lot of things. For one, I got rid of a lot of toxic people. I know, most people do not analyze who they are hanging around with. They have become friends some amount of years ago and they maintain those friendships. But me, I've moved around a lot all my life. I have a lot of friends scattered all over the place. Where I am now is where I've always felt the most at home and have the most friends in a single location. Yet, that doesn't change that I dropped a couple of friends that I have known for years. Not completely, but for the most part. Why? Because I do not have the time for who they have become--or who they always were and I just missed it. If someone is not who you thought they were or not what you want in your life anymore, you have every right to shut that door and walk away. These people will constantly try to guide you back, ringing your proverbial doorbell until you finally ignore it completely. The best thing to do, although often far more difficult than stated, is to minimize contact.
For example, anyone that is single has been that single friend for somebody. Everyone loves to have that "single friend". I have been that single friend to a LOT of my friends. You know. That single friend who seems to have almost all couples as friends. Yes, that single friend. Your friends are living vicariously through you and they are not usually genuinely interested in you meeting anyone. Oh, I know they all say they want you to, and then if you start paying real attention, you realize that only a couple actually are giving you good advice. The rest are basically giving you advice that is maintaining your single status. I stopped listening to their advice this year completely. Oh, yea, I'm still single. But I ended up realizing some of my better options I have completely skipped because he's a "player" or this or that. They didn't want me to be miserable with a jerk, but they didn't want me to actually be "happy". Don't get me wrong. They don't want me to be "unhappy", but they want their version of "happy" for me, not my version of happy. One of my friends suggested her boyfriend's best friend. He's a nice guy, but definitely not my type. I'm that tomboy girl--which is fascinating, but as a side bar to that I have a lot of male friends--just friends. I've observed my male friends enough to know that many of them cannot handle a woman having a lot of male friends. He would fall into that category. I have to have someone that can respect all my friends, male or female.
Also, there is a bigger problem. The heart has to be in, you know what I mean? I watched a friend of mine ring in the new year with a girl that looks just like a girl he really wants--amazing this FB live crap. But, the one he really wants, well, he's too afraid of her hurting him to even give her a chance. She's everything that he thinks he wants. The substitute is probably fine, but she's not the one he wants. He's too afraid to be with the one he wants, so he'll get drunk and find someone that looks like her. I've already told him that's the stupidest shit I have ever heard. "No guts, no glory," my Granddaddy used to say. The Silent Generation had this one right. If you want someone, you try and keep trying until you either lose or you win. He hasn't even really tried. He gave up in the middle of the first quarter (yes a football analogy) and walked off the field. His biggest qualm with the one he wants? She's too good for him. Okay, guys (and ladies for that matter), any woman worth having is too good for you!!! Geez. Again our grandparents had this right. You go for the woman that you are always going to want--not settle for the woman that you don't have to worry. This backfires every time. The woman that you always will want may not want you, but the right one will. But the settled for will know in her heart that you settled and eventually this will not end well. You don't have to believe me. But think about some of the guys that settled--they end up cheating or being cheated on. Don't settle. Find that one that scares you, excites you and is too good for you. Then give it a chance and find out if she's that right one for you. Those couples that are still happily married after decades all seem to have this in common. Every one of the men thinks he has the best woman that he could ever get and is still thankful--even when mad as hell at her--that God gave him such an amazing woman. Ladies, don't bother chasing a man. Wait for that man that thinks you are that amazing woman. They like the chase and it's a waste of your time anyway. If a man thinks you are truly amazing and he gets over his own fears, that's when you have a keeper. Are you going to know if you are the "settled for"? Yes, you know it pretty quickly--and your head is already trying to override your heart. Anything less than what you think is amazing isn't amazing. The heart may go all stupid once in a while, but the head if you're listening is always overriding. But we all know, the heart wants what the heart wants. If your heart isn't in it, you're wasting your time.
As far as the ringing in this new year different, well, 2016, whether we like it or not, was a year of major change. It may have been a "shit" year for the majority, but what that should really mean is that out with the things, the thoughts, even sometimes the people, that have been holding us back. We each have our own amazing things about us, and there is always something to look forward to. If 2016 should have taught us anything, it's time to shed the bad and move on to the good. Give the good a chance. Run with it.
No comments:
Post a Comment