Sometimes, God immediately responds to my, what should we call it, naivete with a quick counter-response. Yesterday's blog was brought on by a comment made by a guy that used to be friends with an ex-boyfriend. They, the ex-boyfriend and he, haven't talked in years, but I have a very strict rule about not dating any of my exes' friends. It's just not worth the headache. It wouldn't matter in this case anyway; I'm not interested in the least. I think of him as a friend, but of course, as sometimes happens with me, he doesn't really care that I'm not interested. He's interested and the pointed comment that he made to me to make me feel how I did resulted in me realizing how indifferent I can feel about things. If I'm being truly honest that indifference is really more directed towards him than anyone else. As I opened, God likes to remind me (God, fate, whatever) that I actually do have an attraction to some guys and that there is zero indifference if there's that attraction.
Physical attraction is always a requirement. It's not the most important thing though. I'll admit I actually have to have some amount of physical attraction to be interested at all. Oh yes, I know some people will say that is shallow, but it's just fact. I think it's that way for most people; we just have different standards of what we do or don't find physically attractive. It can vary from person to person. I don't have a "standard" type. I've dated blonde, brunette, husky, well built, average, blue eyes, brown eyes. I do admit that I tend to initially favor someone with blue eyes, but as I've stated in previous blogs, this has more to do with my Granddaddy than anything. After physical attraction, well, let's face it, there has to be more--substance.
What happened was that I got reminded how much a smart man attracts me. I'm used to being one of the smartest people in the room and it's not really a blessing. I don't bother trying to pretend that I'm stupid. It's just not in my DNA. At work, I'm usually surrounded by smart people, and it's probably why my career has been so important to me. I joke that I can have my stupid conversations with my friends. Each of my friends is smart, but most of them are not interested in as many things as I am. It's not a requirement. It's not even a requirement that my friends are smart even though the majority of them are definitely smarter than the average bear. But to get my interest, capture it, well, I expect a man to be smart as me and preferably something that I'm not that smart at. I mean, yes, common ground and some interests. But wow. When they open their mouths and they start going on and are smart??? I'll just sit there listening and am just blown away. I forget how much of a turn on this is. It's rare for me to be out with friends and get reminded that there are smart men out there.
So all the sudden, I'm sitting there and listening to this guy...I've known him for a while, and yes, I already knew he was smart. He keeps talking and it hits me. He's super smart. I just listened and listened. All the frustration based on what the earlier guy had said just went away. Like I said, God, fate, whatever, just decided that I needed a reminder that I do not feel indifferent. I feel indifferent when I'm not interested or have no potential of interest and someone leaps into the idea of trying to make me feel bad for not being interested. Not to mention bringing up what used to be a gaping wound. On the bright side, two things happened last night--one I am indifferent to what is gone. It's gone and it's no longer making me miserable. I'm also over the fact that I don't know if I'll ever have another relationship. And then, in spite of pretty much feeling like crap after what one person said, I got reminded that the indifference I was feeling was about him--not about anyone else. I can get excited over someone who I find attractive and interesting.
Like I said in the previous blog, I don't seem to be able to follow my own advice, but I also believe that there's a plan. Not sure what that plan is. Live my life day to day and just enjoy it. But just because one person says something that frustrates me doesn't mean that I'm not interested in anyone. I'm just not interested in him. All I can say is that none of us should let one person, or even a group of people, that want us to be unhappy if they can't pick and choose who we should be with drag us down. And, we should never let anyone that has hurt us--intentionally or not--dictate how we feel about our chances of finding our "one". Don't let the past drag you down and don't let anyone make you feel like you won't find it. They don't know anymore than you do.
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